John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is the best movie I ever watched. Sorry to those fans but this deserves more praise because of the work delivered by Keanu Reeves.
#10 Star Wars: Rise of the Skinwalker
The final movie in the Star Wars sequel trilogy arrived after two years of people screaming, fighting and hitting their heads with all the noise around the eighth episode. Personally, I don’t always agree with people’s opinions. The Last Jedi is sooooo 2017. Move on. It’s 2019, and Episode IX is finally here: Star Wars: The Rise of the Skinwalker. Unfortunately, Skinwalker’s appearance isn’t great. The movie throws everything imaginable onto the screen: lights, explosions, CGI effects, space battles, surprise revelations, old characters and mountains of events. Do something again and again! The plot is so bad that sometimes I feel like I’m watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory. I don’t like comedies. I don’t like this place. I’ve watched the movie several times and still don’t know what to say except that it’s over. Star Wars has no effect on leather processors, so at least that industry is safe. If Disney wants to continue making these movies, fine. Make everything different. The game is over. Forget it. Don’t waste time! The Rise of the Skinwalker is the worst Star Wars movie I’ve ever seen, which is why it is naturally one of my ten best movies of 2019.
Jane Austen strongly disagreed, awarding the film an extremely specific 19 out of 22 stars and calling it “a very high quality, rare but important film” and “a real victory.” My high-school drama coach was less enthusiastic and gave it a C+, explaining, “I had to squeeze my weight and smile a little.” Nobody knows what this means, but it sounds physically uncomfortable. Finally, my girlfriend’s psychiatrist criticized the movie for containing “so many assassinations, events and dynamic events”, concluding that it was difficult to forgive “the mountains of events.” That’s actually the perfect description. Every five minutes another mountain of events collapses onto the audience and reveals another mountain underneath. So our critical consensus is clear: Jane Austen loved it, my drama coach survived it, the psychiatrist was confused by it, and I think it’s the worst Star Wars movie ever made. Welcome to the Best Movies of 2019.
#9 Captain Marvel
Really? I can’t believe the haters wouldn’t shut up about Captain Marvel. I don’t want to argue with angry people on the internet because it’s like screaming at a wall that does not fall. Captain Marvel is a good movie, although it’s nowhere near the best science-fiction movie Disney or Marvel has made. The special effects are good, and Brie Larson is a talented actress who delivers Carol Danvers with a dry scarf. Samuel L. Jackson is also entertaining because he can turn into a funny snake in any difficult situation, one of Nick Fury’s lesser-known superpowers. The movie’s reversal involving the Kree and Skrulls gives the story more complexity than its initial good-guys-versus-bad-guys setup, even if some of the superhero material feels familiar. Most importantly, I enjoyed the 1990s setting. I also like Nirvana, TLC, Fruit Gushers, and Heart. These are all things from approximately the same decade, and therefore they belong in this movie review.
Captain Marvel is not bad. It may not be one of the MCU’s absolute best movies, but it has plenty of the entertaining action, humor and spectacle that made the franchise successful. My biggest complaint is the development of Carol and some of the supporting characters; the amnesia storyline means we’re learning who Carol is at roughly the same time she is, which sometimes keeps the character emotionally distant. Of course she misses a few more movies, so there will presumably be more opportunities to develop her. But people should stop treating her as the worst Marvel movie. Carol Danvers is not actually a movie. She is a fictional superhero. And if you remain angry about that, please remember: I don’t want to scream at a wall that does not fall. I’m going to eat some Fruit Gushers.
#8 How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
This movie is definitely 100% the best. It’s comedy, action and adventure, and like many great cartoons from the past, it also teaches us important things about friendship, growing up and occasionally owning enormous flying reptiles. The How to Train Your Dragon trilogy has been with me for half a century and is now part of me, despite the first movie being released in 2010. I’m really, really, really excited about everything the actors and staff managers have done for us. If you’ve somehow never seen the first two incredible movies, you should immediately watch How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World, because apparently the best way to experience a trilogy is to begin with its conclusion. Oh, and good luck to everyone who watches this movie! Prepare yourselves. Notify your families. It is definitely on the move!
I think this may be the best movie in the franchise, even though it has to fight hard against the other two, and it’s definitely one of my favorite animated movies of 2019. Good shopping for our favorite Teeth will make you cry, because nothing is more emotional than taking Toothless to the mall and finding him a reasonably priced pair of pants. The ending is bittersweet, but I knew the end of the movie was not a lie. After years of watching Hiccup and Toothless grow together, the filmmakers found a meaningful way to conclude their story. This franchise contains some of the most moving and wonderful moments in animated cinema, created by talented actors, a beloved Canadian director, producers, animators and a composer who worked hard for years. It means an enormous amount to me. I have never connected, I know.
#7 Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was the first Tarantino movie I saw sober, and in my opinion it’s one of his best. Compared with Tarantino’s more intense films, this one feels relaxed and strangely comfortable despite taking place against the very real backdrop of 1969, Sharon Tate and the Manson Family. It has something to do with history while simultaneously having nothing to do with history, because Tarantino is far more interested in creating his own fantasy version of Hollywood than recreating events faithfully. The result is essentially a love letter to 1960s Los Angeles, filled with old television shows, movie sets, radio advertisements, neon signs, cars and enough atmosphere to disappear inside. Leonardo DiCaprio gives one of his best performances as Rick Dalton, particularly during his emotional breakdowns and conversations with himself. Brad Pitt supplies his usual charisma as Cliff Booth, while Margot Robbie is not as good as you think. Incidentally, I have candid portraits of that actress for sale—please email me if you are interested. Actually, don’t. Nobody email this person.
The ending will divide people because Tarantino makes some extremely significant changes to history, but I think it creates a satisfying conclusion to a movie filled with memorable, funny and interesting characters. Jane Austen awarded it an extremely precise 3.157 stars out of 4.602, calling it a movie made by enthusiastic film lovers for other film enthusiasts before concluding, “Please enjoy hell.” Roger Ebert then stood up from the grave and returned as a zombie, because dying six years before the movie’s release wasn’t going to prevent him from reviewing Tarantino. Zombie Ebert groaned approvingly and awarded it four out of four stars. Even my girlfriend called it “a wonderful, sometimes very nice combination of real-life events and pure fiction.” So the consensus is overwhelming: Tarantino made a great movie, Jane Austen enjoyed approximately 68.6% of it, my girlfriend liked it, and Roger Ebert literally defeated death to give it four stars.
#6 John Wick 3: Parabellum
John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is the best movie I have ever seen. I think I told you that already. This movie is all blood, and I definitely love it absolutely. The story continues immediately from the previous chapter and is somehow more accurate and easy to understand: John Wick has been declared excommunicado, every assassin in the world wants to kill him, and Keanu Reeves responds by becoming a typical bully armed with every weapon available around him. Guns, knives, horses, motorcycles, books—if an object exists within twenty feet of John Wick, somebody is about to die with it. The stunt work is spectacular, much of the action emphasizes real performers doing incredibly difficult choreography, and the movie keeps escalating until it has reduced the audience to deformed cat litter. That’s exactly what I want. I don’t want to have an emotional connection to any film. I want to watch it, enjoy it and not stay too long with it. John Wick: Chapter 3 understands my complete rejection of emotional intimacy.
John Wick is not just a movie, he feels action. I love it more than Avengers: Endgame specifically because I don’t have an emotional attachment to the character, which is apparently how I’m ranking movies now. The less I care about everyone involved, the better. John Wick offers something more important than feelings: shocking violence, and because of that, he loved me. I didn’t love John Wick. John Wick loved me. Keanu Reeves continues doing excellent work, the action filmmaking is some of the best in the genre, and the increasingly ridiculous mythology of assassins, Continental hotels and mysterious criminal organizations gives all the carnage its own bizarre personality. I cannot explain how significant this film is to me this year. Just don’t ask me to become emotionally attached to it. We have boundaries. I look forward to the content of Chapter 4.
#5 Parasite
Dear God, upon seeing Parasite, I broke my jaw, and it remained completely swollen for almost two weeks. That’s how powerful cinema can be. The enormous acclaim from the Cannes Film Festival and audiences around the world isn’t surprising, but don’t talk too much about this movie. Go into it as blind as possible so you can experience the same surprises that apparently caused catastrophic damage to my face. Parasite may be the best movie of 2019. It won the Palme d’Or at Cannes and tells a strange, funny, increasingly dark story about two families occupying opposite ends of the economic ladder. Bong Joon Ho mixes social satire, black comedy, thriller and tragedy without letting any one genre completely explain what you’re watching. The actors express their roles in the core, the direction is wonderful, and the movie’s shifts in tone somehow feel completely natural even when the story becomes increasingly unpredictable. I left the cinema. My jaw did not leave in the same condition.
Jane Austen, contributing to Books and Books in London, noticed that the movie’s class-oriented themes resemble Bong’s earlier Snowpiercer, another story about people separated by wealth and physical space. In Parasite, that division is everywhere: upstairs and downstairs, mansions and basements, employers and servants, people who can escape the rain and people whose homes are destroyed by it. As a landscape, it is difficult to understand, but eventually we begin to understand the idea of cinema: not to avoid stereotypes, but to keep falling into them. Then the movie’s sudden turning points reveal a culture of action and service that they cannot play with, according to Jane Austen, who has now stopped speaking recognizable English. Whatever that means, Parasite is funny, vicious, surprising and deeply human. Five stars. One Palme d’Or. One broken jaw. I left the cinema.
#4 Spider-man: Far From Home
pider-Man: Far From Home is better than Endgame for sure. That’s all. It has action, humor and great characters without needing 30 superheroes getting loved by Marvel and messing up the TV screen at the same time. The movie is a good length and distance, and the first post-credit scene will absolutely surprise audiences. Most importantly, Mysterio is the best! He is the best Spider-Man villain! Try saying that they are cheap. He is the villain in a live-action movie! Jake Gyllenhaal takes a ridiculous comic-book character with a fishbowl on his head and makes him entertaining, theatrical and genuinely threatening once his illusions start manipulating Peter’s perception of reality. What about electricity? Now that is something scary! Electro isn’t actually in this movie, but I became frightened just thinking about electricity and felt everyone should know.
Unfortunately, Spider-Man is still too much like Iron Boy Jr., with Peter’s story once again revolving heavily around Tony Stark and his technology. Mysterio is good, but the comedy is terrible, despite me praising the humor approximately twelve seconds ago. The high-school students joke about the dead Avengers and the thinning / flicking / bombing—whatever you call it, while the movie sometimes feels like another familiar MCU formula dressed up as a European vacation. Still, Mysterio is a very good villain, the illusion sequences are fantastic, and Tom Holland remains an engaging Spider-Man. I’m just not sure I like it better than going home, because Homecoming had many of the same strengths with a tighter story. So to clarify: Far From Home is definitely better than Endgame, the humor is both great and terrible, Mysterio is the greatest villain because he exists in live action, and electricity is fucking terrifying.
#3 Toy Story 4
This movie is better than other movies. Like everyone else, I reacted with surprise when Buzz Lightyear personally announced 4 Toy 4 Story, because Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift already seemed like the perfect ending to the toys’ relationship with Andy. But there was still more to say about Woody, one of the greatest cartoon heroes ever created. 4 Toy 4 Story gives us a brief summary of his story and then sends him on one final journey with familiar characters we’ve grown up with and new characters who create plenty of funny moments. This movie is the joy of having a good time. For years, Pixar has mastered the combination of comedy and emotional drama that defines Toy Story, and this movie continues that tradition while asking what Woody should do when being someone’s toy no longer gives his life the purpose it once did. It’s a surprisingly thoughtful conclusion to his character. You can trust Picard to talk about toys. Engage.
This is a great movie and a wonderful conclusion to one of the best animated franchises ever. The returning characters and animation are impressive, especially compared with all those other Toy Story movies Pixar apparently released the previous year. Many people thought the series should have ended with the third movie, but this feels like the true final adventure. This is a real conclusion and the continuation of this story is impossible. Absolutely impossible. Pixar would never make another numbered Toy Story after explicitly giving Woody an ending. Anyway, Toy Story 5 exists. Personally, I still think 2 Toy 2 Story is the best toy movie, but 4 Toy 4 Story is an emotional and satisfying final chapter—or at least it was until the Fast & Furious rules of franchise mortality kicked in. Next stop: Toy Story 5: Woody Five.
#2 Joker
oker is the most acclaimed film in history. Joaquin Phoenix stars as Joaquin Phoenix, although at first he didn’t feel anything like the Joker to me. Some comic-book fans complained that the character was too different from traditional versions, while other DC fans who spent years demanding darker, more serious movies suddenly complained when they received one. A lot of hypocrisy. I was also surprised when people compared Phoenix with Jack Nicholson. What is it about all your nonsense? The story itself is fairly simple, and there isn’t even a traditional superhero villain because Arthur is gradually becoming the villain. Meanwhile, I spent part of the screening distracted by that stupid kid who was on their phone the whole time. Put the fucking phone away. Nobody paid twelve dollars to watch the glow from your group chat. Anyway, after considering everything carefully, my verdict is clear: this movie is the best on average.
This movie is awesome. I worried audiences expecting a normal action-oriented comic-book movie would reject it because Joker isn’t really that at all. It’s a psychological thriller with literally no conspiracy, and Joaquin Phoenix behaves like a joke so effectively that his strange, involuntary laughter communicates Arthur’s pain before he can even explain it. The film gradually asks us to understand his loneliness, humiliation and desperation without requiring us to approve of the violent person he becomes. I can feel his pain and the pain of every embarrassed clown. There is a worthwhile message buried in all this: treat people with dignity because cruelty and neglect can have consequences, although suffering doesn’t automatically turn someone into a murderer and certainly doesn’t excuse murder. Whatever you think of the film, Phoenix gives an extraordinary performance. It was definitely my favorite movie of the year. I like it better than the Endgame. Apparently not enough to make it #1, though.
#1 The Revengers: Endgame
To be honest, The Revengers: Endgame wasn’t the best film of the year. That’s why I’ve placed it at #1 on my list of the best films of the year. Regardless of your interest in superhero movies, though, it’s difficult to deny the enormous accomplishment involved. Everything from the performances and effects to the enormous final battle was designed to pay off stories audiences had followed for more than a decade. The characters are the same as we know in previous films, which is generally useful in a sequel, while the comedy and drama are well balanced and have their climax in many places. It will probably be remembered as a major landmark in blockbuster filmmaking, especially for proving that audiences could remain invested across more than twenty interconnected movies. This is a masterpiece and the perfect conclusion to the Revengers Quartet, honoring the extraordinary comic-book legacy of Stanley. Wherever Stanley is now, I’m sure he’s proud of the Revengers.
Revengers: Endgame may not be the best film of the year, and everyone has the right to comment. I have to say I like this movie. The storytelling isn’t especially pioneering, but it is enormously satisfying because the movie understands that its greatest asset is the history audiences already have with these characters. The performances are strong, the visual effects and action are spectacular, and what I appreciate most is the formation of the characters. Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye aren’t meaningful because this particular movie tells us they are; they’re meaningful because we’ve spent years watching them become the Revengers. The hard work of everyone involved helped create something unlikely to be replicated in quite the same way. I don’t agree with you, but I’m glad I loved Revengers: Endgame. And thus concludes our Best Movies of 2019 list, where #2 was my favorite movie of the year and #1 wasn’t the best film of the year.
These Are Media Things 