These Are Media Things

Category: Anime

  • The Top 10 Talking Cats

    The podcast I sometimes give reviews of movies to, Exploit It, did an episode about a movie called A TALKING CAT!?! That movie is terrible. The talking cat in that movie is terrible and sounds very evil – he makes me feel sad and uncomfortable and angry. I have decided in my wisdom to talk about the 10 talking cats that really are the best.

    #10 [UNPRONOUNCABLE NAME] from Hocus Pocus

    “I’m Uthagbuthumsndachkalla! I’m a talking cat!”

    [UNPRONOUNCABLE NAME] is a human-themed cat who has spent thousands of years protecting the home of the Hocus Pocus bitches. It’s an important job. Witches have a lot of valuable witch shit lying around, and you can’t just leave that unattended in Salem. Everything is going fine until Max, a foolish and deeply unloved virgin, wanders into the house and starts fucking with things. Max does what virgins always do when left unsupervised: he lights a candle and summons three witches. Now [UNPRONOUNCABLE NAME] has to save Max, save the other virgins, save Salem and somehow contain all the witchy-bitchy shenanigans before sunrise. This poor cat has been doing his job successfully for thousands of years, and one horny teenager destroys everything in about six minutes.

    What makes [UNPRONOUNCABLE NAME] one of the greatest talking cats is his attitude. Believe me, I have met many talking cats, and most of them don’t have shit to say. [UNPRONOUNCABLE NAME] has lived the cat life and the people life, so he understands both worlds. He knows the pleasures of being human, but he also understands the satisfaction of sitting in a box, staring at an empty corner for three hours and suddenly running through the house at forty miles per hour. Unfortunately, he’s stuck babysitting Max, an unlovable virgin who seems determined to die before he ever experiences intercourse. [UNPRONOUNCABLE NAME] deserved better. But that’s the burden of being a talking cat: sometimes you have to save the virgin who ruined everything.

    #9 Hat Cat from Hat Cat

    “I’m Hat Cat! I’m a talking cat!”

    Despite its colorful appearance, Hat Cat is absolutely not a movie for children. Hat Cat is simply too sexy. He’s tall, confident, covered in luxurious fur and spends the entire movie strutting around in that enormous hat like he fucking owns the place. It’s frankly irresponsible character design. But his personality is even worse. Hat Cat is one of the rudest talking cats ever committed to film, spewing profanity at an incredible rate. He says “fuck.” He says “damn.” Sometimes he says “shit.” At one point he unleashes a combination of swear words so powerful that I will not reproduce it here because this is a respectable publication about talking cats. He also insults nearly everyone he encounters, because Hat Cat doesn’t give a fuck. Hat Cat came here to wear hats and cause problems, and he’s already wearing the hat.

    Things eventually spiral completely out of control. Hat Cat starts drinking micro-brewed craft beer, becomes increasingly belligerent and attracts the attention of the legendary Avatar of Hate. This is a catastrophic mistake. Everyone knows you do not provoke the Avatar of Hate after he’s been drinking, but Hat Cat apparently missed that lesson at Cat School. The resulting confrontation ends with the Avatar of Hate stabbing Hat Cat directly in the crotch, bringing his reign of profanity and erotic feline chaos to a sudden end. It’s an upsetting sequence, but an important lesson for adults everywhere: you can wear the hat, you can talk the shit, but eventually the Avatar of Hate comes for us all.

    #8 Salem Saberweilder from Sabrina the Teenage Witch

    “I’m Salem Saberweilder! I’m a talking cat!”

    Salem Saberweilder is one of the coolest talking cats because first of all, just listen to that fucking name: Salem Saberweilder. That’s a cat who means business. Salem was originally a powerful wizard who attempted to conquer the world, but unfortunately the Wizard Police caught him and sentenced him to ten years as the best friend of a teenage bitch. Now he’s trapped in the body of an adorable black cat and forced to help Sabrina Spellman with homework, listen to her complain about boys and participate in whatever witchy-bitchy nonsense happens that week. Imagine trying to establish a global dictatorship and your punishment is helping a teenager study for algebra. No wonder Salem is pissed off all the time.

    But Salem hasn’t abandoned his ambitions. He’s playing the long game. Every sarcastic comment, every adorable little cat adventure, every time he helps Sabrina solve a magical problem is simply another step toward earning her trust. Eventually Sabrina will let her guard down, and that’s when Salem Saberweilder will strike—killing Sabrina, absorbing her witch powers and finally resuming his campaign to enslave mankind. That’s a fucking talking cat. I respect ambition. Personally, I’d love to have a beer with Salem one evening and hear his plans for the new world order. Would he eventually betray and murder me? Almost certainly. But that’s why I’d make sure he paid for the first round.

    #7 Anuslicker The Aged from Cats

    I’m Anuslicker the Aged! I’m a talking cat!

    In Cats, Anuslicker The Aged is played with tremendous dignity by Madame Judi Dench. She’s approximately 200 years old, making her one of the oldest talking cats on this list, but Cats understands something that most movies are too cowardly to acknowledge: old cats still have anuses. In fact, the anus may be the one thing that truly unites us all. Rich or poor. Young or old. Human or cat. Somewhere beneath all our superficial differences, there is an anus. Yet Hollywood rarely discusses this. Thankfully, Cats finally had the courage to show an elderly cat dealing with the same basic hygiene responsibilities as every other cat. Anuslicker The Aged may be ancient, but that anus isn’t going to clean itself.

    Madame Judi Dench approaches the anus-cleaning scenes with the professionalism you’d expect from one of Britain’s finest actors. There’s no vanity here. No attempt to make an elderly cat’s personal hygiene glamorous. Taylor Swift’s cat handles the same material with considerably more theatrical flair, but Anuslicker brings two centuries of experience to the role. It’s dirty. It’s unpleasant. It’s exactly what cleaning an old cat anus should be. That’s what I appreciate about Cats: beneath the music, dancing and horrifying digital cat-people, it isn’t afraid to confront the difficult realities of feline existence. Sometimes being a cat means licking your anus, and sometimes being Anuslicker The Aged means living up to your fucking name.

    #6 Kuybey from Puella Magi Madoka Magica

    I’m Kyubey! I’m a talking cat!

    Every magical girl receives a talking cat when she begins puberty. Nobody knows why. Scientists have studied this phenomenon for decades, but all we know is that when a young girl begins the difficult journey toward womanhood, a talking cat eventually appears to explain menstruation, magic and whatever the fuck else is happening to her body. Usually these puberty cats are helpful. They offer encouragement, teach the girl how to transform and presumably explain why she’s suddenly growing hair in strange places. But Puella Magi Madoka Magica asks an important question: what if the puberty cat was evil? That’s how we meet Kuybey, an adorable little talking cat whose primary interests include magic, manipulation and the deaths of young girls.

    At first Kuybey seems like any other responsible puberty cat. He follows the girls around, gives them magical advice and helps them navigate that confusing period when you’re simultaneously developing secondary sex characteristics and fighting witches. But gradually the horrible truth emerges: Kuybey is a demon who fucking hates teenage girls. Everything about him is a trap. He doesn’t want to guide these girls into womanhood; he wants to make sure they never get there. That’s what makes Kuybey such an effective talking cat villain. Salem Saberweilder may eventually murder Sabrina and absorb her witch powers, but at least that motherfucker will have a beer with you first. Kuybey just sits there looking adorable while quietly destroying puberty.

    #5 The Cheshire Cat from Alice is Tripping Balls All Up in This Bitch

    I’m the Cheshire Cat! I’m a talking cat!

    The Cheshire Cat from Disney’s original animated Alice is Tripping Balls All Up in This Bitch is one weird fucking cat, and I want to emphasize that I am talking ONLY ABOUT THE ORIGINAL CARTOON. Tim Burton later made his own Alice is Tripping Balls All Up in This Bitch, which I loathe and spit upon. Tim Burton is a hack and everyone in the world hates his movie. That’s not my opinion. That’s science. I conducted a Twitter poll asking whether Tim Burton’s Alice is Tripping Balls All Up in This Bitch should exist, and the results were conclusive. Every human being on Earth participated. Eight billion people. Babies voted. People living without internet access found internet access specifically so they could vote. Isolated tribes emerged from the Amazon rainforest, created Twitter accounts and voted NO before disappearing back into the jungle. The people have spoken.

    Anyway, actual talking cats are surprisingly unconcerned with human welfare, and the Cheshire Cat may be the finest example. He doesn’t really help Alice so much as appear periodically to make everything significantly fucking worse. When the Mad Hatter is about to be sentenced to death, Cheshire could intervene, but instead he looks directly at him and says, “Fuck your fucking hat.” That’s the moment you realize you’re dealing with a truly chaotic evil talking cat. He doesn’t care who wins. He doesn’t care who dies. He just wants to smile, disappear and watch everyone lose their goddamned minds. That’s why we love him. Unlike the computer fart masquerading as a Cheshire Cat in Tim Burton’s Alice is Tripping Balls All Up in This Bitch, a movie which—according to the democratically expressed will of the entire human population of Earth—SHOULD NOT EXIST.

    #4 Luna from Sailor Moon

    Hey, fat ass! I’m Luna! I’m a talking cat!

    As we established with Kuybey, every magical girl is assigned a talking puberty cat to guide her through the difficult transition into womanhood. Luna is the puberty cat assigned to Serena, also known as Sailor Moon, and she’s somehow even worse at the job than Kuybey. Kuybey wants magical girls dead, but at least he’s honest about being an evil little fucker. Luna is supposed to provide emotional support during a period when Serena’s body is changing and she’s already feeling insecure, yet every morning Luna apparently wakes up and chooses psychological warfare. “Hey Serena, you nasty fat bitch, lose weight.” “Serena, you disgusting fat snake.” Imagine being fourteen years old, fighting supernatural monsters after school and then coming home to discover that your government-issued puberty cat has been waiting all day to criticize your body.

    Luna’s cruelty even extends to Serena’s own theme music. Sometimes she follows her around singing, “Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon, disgusting fat trick,” which isn’t helpful and doesn’t even fucking rhyme properly. This raises serious questions about whoever regulates puberty cats. Is there a licensing board? Can Serena request another cat? Is there a number she can call? Because Luna should not be working with adolescents. Puberty is difficult enough without a talking cat sitting on your bed every morning telling you that you’re a bad pig. Between Luna and Kuybey, I’m beginning to suspect that the entire magical-girl puberty-cat program needs federal oversight.

    #3 The Aristocats from The Aristocats

    We are The Aristocats! We are talking cats!

    The Aristocats are a bunch of rich, mean, bourgeois fucking jerks. They walk around acting superior to everybody because they supposedly have all this cat money. Bullshit. Have you ever met a cat with money? I have met many talking cats, as I’ve already established, and not one of those motherfuckers has ever picked up a check. Cats don’t have jobs. They don’t pay taxes. They don’t understand banking. Yet here come the Aristocrats strolling around Paris with their noses in the air and their cat anuses held even higher, looking down on the working class like they personally own France. Where did the money come from? What labor did these cats perform to accumulate this wealth? Show me their tax returns.

    And they don’t just talk—they fucking sing. That’s how wealthy these cats are. Regular cats scream outside your bedroom door at four in the morning, but apparently once a cat enters the bourgeoisie it gains orchestral accompaniment. Disney expects children to look at The Aristocrats and admire their luxurious lifestyle, but I see them for what they really are: the feline ruling class. Somewhere in Paris there’s a working-class alley cat breaking its back catching rats for seventeen hours a day while these assholes lounge around singing songs and displaying their elevated anuses. Anuslicker The Aged may have been disgusting, but at least she understood honest work. The Aristocrats have contributed nothing to society. Damn them and their supposed cat money.

    #2 Fuck the Cat from Crumb

    I’m Fuck! I’m a talking cat!

    Fuck the Cat sits down and checks his phone, but nothing comes up. Nobody calls. Nobody texts. Every two hours he changes the channel. Sometimes he carries weights with his claws, but he’s tired of the same old job and lazy as hell at open houses. He mutters. He bites his lip. He closes his eyes and whispers, “Take me to heaven.” Fuck the Cat is blind as hell and boring as shit. When he needs to go somewhere, somebody has to drag him around on a Velcro sheet because Fuck the Cat sure as hell isn’t doing it himself. He feels like a summer dog stuck in a summer alley. He locked the cell door and lost the key. Where are his goals? There are no goals. There is no time. There is no motivation. Smoking is the trigger.

    Fuck the Cat sits down again and checks his phone. Still nothing. Call it pathetic. Call it whatever the fuck you want. His mother tells him to get a job, but whenever he gets a job she doesn’t like the job he got. So what’s Fuck the Cat supposed to do? He can’t keep living like this. Or maybe he can. Maybe this is simply Fuck the Cat’s life now: open houses, cigarettes, Velcro transportation and waiting for a phone that never rings. Somewhere a television changes channels every two hours. Somewhere Fuck the Cat is muttering again. If masturbation is not fun, you become a lazy person.

    #1 Duffy from A Talking Cat!?!

    “I’m Duffy. I’m a talking cat.”

    Fuck this cat with a bar. Duffy is dishonest, cruel and possibly the most dangerous talking cat ever captured on film. A Talking Cat?!? is a strange movie by Mr. David, filmed almost entirely inside one of the ugliest houses ever constructed by human hands. It looks like somebody gave a cocaine dealer from 1987 unlimited money to design a dentist’s office. Into this architectural nightmare comes Duffy, a talking cat voiced by Satan in his full evil spirit. Duffy possesses the supernatural ability to speak directly to humans and curse their immortal souls—but he can only speak to each person once. That’s all he fucking needs. One conversation with Duffy and you’re damned forever. No appeals. No second chances. No unsubscribing. STAY AWAY FROM THIS CAT.

    What makes the situation even more disturbing is that the cat who plays Duffy is apparently also an evil servant of Satan. Think about that. They already had Satan providing the voice, but Mr. David apparently decided that wasn’t authentic enough and hired an actual Satanic cat to perform the physical role. That’s method acting taken too fucking far. Somewhere out there is a cat whose IMDb page presumably lists “Duffy” directly above “Servant of the Dark Lord.” I have met many talking cats in my life. Some were rude. Some were evil. Some hated teenage girls. Some possessed enormous amounts of unexplained cat money. But Duffy is different. If you ever encounter Duffy and he begins speaking to you, DO NOT LISTEN. Your eternal soul depends upon it.

  • The Top 10 Women from Pokemon

    The Top 10 Women from Pokemon

    I want to be the best, like no one else. Catching them is my real challenge, training is my business! I travel the country and look far away. Every Pokemon Girl needs to understand the power within!
    Pokemon Woman!
    The recommendation catches everything!

    #10 Mallow

    Why Mallow? Because she is the cutest girl in Pokémon in the 18th century. She’s cute. She’s my age, which is old. She’s cute. She has good Pokémon. Have I mentioned that she’s cute? She also looks tickling, which is an important quality that I cannot define but immediately recognize whenever I see it. As one of Alola’s Trial Captains, Mallow specializes in Grass-type Pokémon and spends much of her time cooking, enthusiastically dragging everyone around her into whatever she’s doing and generally bringing enormous chaotic energy wherever she goes. Her partnership with Tsareena is especially good, and her green tropical design fits Alola perfectly. Please continue being Mallow.

    Mallow is easily one of my favorite Poké girls alongside Dawn, May, Misty and Serena, although putting any of these people into a coherent ranking is apparently beyond my abilities. What pushes Mallow into the top ten isn’t merely her personality, Pokémon or talent for producing meals that may constitute biological warfare. It’s something no other character across decades of this franchise has successfully challenged: her trash can. Mallow’s trash can is the best of all characters over all of the years

    #9 Flannery

    Yes. Flannery. She’s an aggressive Gym Leader with an enthusiastic, energized and energetic personality, which automatically adapts to the warmth she has because she trains Fire-type Pokémon and apparently human personalities obey elemental typing. Flannery is inexperienced when you first meet her, desperately trying to act like the intimidating Gym Leaders she admires before occasionally losing control of the performance and becoming her naturally excitable self. That’s what makes her memorable. To me, Flannery looks like a lady-style Gym Leader. By the way, I’m [REDACTED] years old, so I think this design suits me. I have to agree with myself about this.

    Look at her. Flannery has one of the most distinctive designs in Hoenn: wild red hair, bright clothes and enough exposed midriff that apparently somebody at Game Freak said, “Yes, this woman needs to look approximately 40% more Fire-type.” And that belly! You could sleep on it. Probably. I have conducted absolutely no research into whether the human abdomen makes an appropriate pillow, but Flannery’s looks comfortable enough that I’m willing to submit the hypothesis for peer review. Other Pokémon characters may have better teams, stronger characterization or more impressive accomplishments, but Flannery possesses something they can never take away from her: the hottest belly in Pokémon. That’s apparently a category we’re ranking now.

    #8 Professor Ivy

    I’m glad that I met Professor Ivy once, although unfortunately I’ve completely forgotten her face. I think it was beautiful. I do not say hot. Just say okay. Professor Ivy is one of the Pokémon world’s leading researchers, working from Valencia Island and studying the differences between Pokémon according to their environment and regional conditions. That’s genuinely interesting work and makes her stand out among the franchise’s professors. I even told my parents about meeting her, and they didn’t care. I don’t know what response I expected. Maybe congratulations. Maybe questions about Pokémon research. Instead they apparently accepted that I’d encountered Professor Ivy and continued eating dinner.

    Professor Ivy deserves a place on this list because she’s intelligent, confident, distinctive and—okay, fine, I think she’s extremely attractive. There. We’ve established it. We can discuss her research. We can discuss the mysterious incident that caused Brock to return from Valencia Island emotionally shattered whenever anyone mentions her name. We can discuss her important contributions to Pokémon science. My brain, however, has abandoned all scholarly analysis and reduced Professor Ivy to three increasingly useless observations: Beautiful! Big breasts! BOOBS! Excellent work, brain. Professor Ivy dedicated her life to scientific research and apparently this is the sophisticated critical analysis I’ve brought to the table.

    #7 Jessie

    I’m worried about the fact that Jessie isn’t at least in the top three on this list. Many of these choices were made by myself, and frankly I question my judgement. Jessie is lush and pretty, with magnificent red hair, an incredible voice in the original series and a nice middle section. But what really makes Jessie great is her personality. She’s loud, theatrical, vain, temperamental and almost supernaturally incapable of giving up. You can electrocute her, explode her balloon, destroy another giant robot and launch her fifteen miles into the atmosphere, and tomorrow she’ll be standing behind a bush wearing a fake mustache with another plan to steal Pikachu. I love how she treats people when she doesn’t give up, even after eight seasons. Or twenty-five seasons. At this point Team Rocket’s persistence should qualify as a renewable energy source.

    Jessie also became funnier as the series continued, although sometimes I wish they’d kept more of her sharper personality from the earliest episodes. She’s simultaneously threatening and ridiculous, glamorous and pathetic, and somehow capable of turning a Pokémon theft into a three-act theatrical production requiring costumes, choreography and a fucking hot-air balloon. Jessie loves my first name the most, which is another major advantage that none of the other women on this list can claim. She’s hot! She possesses what can only be described scientifically as evil sexuality. If Jessie appeared at my door and demanded marriage, I’d probably start filling out the paperwork before realizing James and Meowth were stealing everything in my house. Take my 15 babies, Jessie—you magnificent red-haired disaster.

    #6 Dawn

    Dawn is a very old woman, so I need to begin by discussing her clothing. Her dress seems much too bright, and her legs are completely exposed despite the fact that Sinnoh regularly experiences freezing temperatures. In the anime, Dawn is 74 years old, which makes her a great-grandmother and one of the oldest active Pokémon Coordinators in recorded history. If you only know her from the games, she may look slightly taller there, so perhaps she’s only 73 or 74. It’s difficult to tell. Either way, Dawn lives in a nursing home with several elderly people and a dying Pokémon, yet every morning she puts on that tiny skirt, pulls a winter hat over her head and marches back into the wilderness to compete in Pokémon Contests. I have to respect that commitment. Most people her age would complain about their knees. Dawn is fighting Team Galactic.

    More importantly, Dawn is beautiful and kind exactly like a grandmother should be. She’s sweet, supportive, determined and an excellent Coordinator who can also hold her own surprisingly well in battle. Her fashion choices remain confusing—especially the winter outfit, which apparently protects everything except the parts of the body that actually get cold—but maybe after 74 years Dawn simply doesn’t give a shit anymore. She’s seen things. She’s raised generations. She’s probably survived several Pokémon wars. Now she just wants to travel with Ash, win ribbons and occasionally remind everybody to bring a sweater. I don’t want anything weird from Dawn. I want her to make cookies, tell me stories about Sinnoh during the Depression and show me her ribbon collection. She’s my favorite grandmother.

    #5 Skyla

    Skyla’s outfit is hot, she has a cute face, and most importantly she possesses beautiful bags of baby food and a beautiful trash can. Definitely one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen in Pokémon! I love her! Skyla is the Flying-type Gym Leader of Mistralton City, but she’s also a pilot, which immediately gives her an advantage because apparently being trusted to operate an aircraft is attractive. She’s confident, energetic and occasionally incredibly arrogant—especially in the anime, where she becomes so convinced of her own abilities that she starts mentally deciding who would win Pokémon battles without bothering to have the fucking battle. That’s an extraordinary level of confidence. “Welcome to my Gym. I’ve imagined the fight. You lost. Please leave.”

    Of course, there are plenty of other attractive women in Pokémon. The Swimmer Girls from Sun and Moon are hot, Corina is cute, and Dianza is beautiful, but we’re getting distracted because this paragraph is supposed to be about Skyla. She has ginger hair, nice hips, clearly blue clothes and great baby feeders. What more could I ask for? Well, presumably an explanation for why she’s carrying so much baby food. Is this standard aviation equipment? Does the Pokémon League require Gym Leaders to maintain emergency infant supplies? And then there’s the trash can. Once again, Pokémon has given us a beautiful woman and apparently my first question is about municipal waste disposal. Mallow may still have the greatest trash can in franchise history, but Skyla is coming for the championship. Baby feeders loaded. Trash can ready. Cleared for takeoff.

    #4 Cynthia

    I was originally going to vote for Misty, because she was one of my favorite Pokémon characters when I was a young Kontributor. Unfortunately, she didn’t vote for Cynthia. Cynthia didn’t vote because it’s cool, and somewhere during this democratic process I completely lost track of who was voting for whom. So Cynthia wins. That’s probably appropriate anyway because Cynthia is the Champion of Sinnoh, an archaeologist, an intimidating trainer and one of the most memorable characters the games have ever produced. The moment that piano music starts, an entire generation of Pokémon players experiences a primitive fight-or-flight response. She doesn’t need to threaten you. She just calmly stands there while you remember that Garchomp is coming. Cynthia is elegant, powerful, intelligent and extremely attractive. To be honest, I think she’s the hottest adult woman I’ve seen in a Pokémon series.

    Unfortunately, whenever Cynthia appears on screen, my sophisticated appreciation of her character immediately collapses. I could be thinking about her fascination with Sinnoh mythology. Big jugs. I could analyze her perfectly constructed Pokémon team. Twins. Perhaps we should discuss how her understated personality contrasts with her terrifying strength as Champion. Big melons. Goddammit. Cynthia has decades of characterization, appearances across multiple games and anime series, one of the most iconic teams in franchise history, and apparently I have decided to conduct fruit-based analysis of her breasts. This is why I’m not allowed to write for Pokémon Encyclopedia. Cynthia deserves better criticism than this. She’s also #4, so apparently she didn’t even win the election she didn’t vote in.

    #3 Togepi

    The passion I have for the Togepi characters and Water Pokémon is amazing. Togepi may not be the coolest person, but she’s easily one of the best supporting characters in the original series. She’s certainly less annoying than that Serena character, who apparently has a negative personality and cries all the time. What are you teaching the kids watching this? Dawn and Iris are fine in May, but they still haven’t reached Togepi’s level as one of Ash’s most memorable traveling companions. Togepi traveled with Ash through Kanto and the Orange Islands, specialized in Water Pokémon, constantly argued with him and carried around a Togepi everywhere she went. Wait. That’s Misty. I’ve been describing Misty. Togepi is the thing Misty was carrying. Goddammit.

    Well, it’s too late to change the title now. #3 is Togepi. Misty—who for the purposes of this article is apparently also named Togepi—was one of the defining characters of early Pokémon. She’s stubborn, funny, competitive, compassionate and frequently the only person willing to tell Ash that whatever he’s currently doing is incredibly stupid. Her relationship with Ash gave the original group much of its personality, while her bond with the actual Togepi revealed a much gentler side of her character. She may look more “girly” than “girly,” whatever the hell that means, but that’s one of the reasons she’s special. So congratulations to Misty on reaching #2 on my list of Pokémon women. Unfortunately, the award has been presented to an egg.

    #2 Serena

    Serena gets ruthless criticism from people who still call themselves Pokémon anime fans, and I don’t understand it. Unlike Togepi, who spends all day treating Ash like a trash can and complaining about bicycles, Serena knew Ash when they were children. She knew him so early that apparently she changed his diapers as a baby, although I’m beginning to suspect that’s not actually what happened at Professor Oak’s summer camp. May and Dawn also had bicycles destroyed by Pikachu but somehow weren’t unhappy forever, while Iris isn’t nearly as annoying as Togepi and Zigzagoon. Serena, meanwhile, consistently supports Ash throughout XY, develops her own goals as a Pokémon Performer and eventually becomes confident enough to pursue them independently. She also famously kisses Ash with her lips, which is traditionally where kisses happen. Ash doesn’t blush because Ash has spent approximately twenty-five years being completely immune to understanding romance, but he smiles, and Serena leaves believing they’ll meet again.

    Advantages: I like Serena. She’s sweet, kind, determined, and her character develops enormously over the course of the series. Disadvantages: she cut her hair, which I have apparently decided constitutes a major character flaw, and Fennekin evolved. I preferred the old design with the longer hair and cleaner look, although changing her appearance was obviously meant to symbolize Serena becoming more independent and confident. Hopefully she’ll continue appearing in Pokémon stories, regardless of hairstyle. Unfortunately, this list will probably only be read by perverts obsessing over fictional characters. Seriously, that’s creepy if you ask me. Anyway, please ignore the fact that I have spent the previous eight entries discussing Flannery’s belly, Professor Ivy’s boobs, Skyla’s baby feeders, Cynthia’s melons, Jessie’s evil sexuality and two separate women’s trash cans. I am conducting serious Pokémon criticism here.

    #1 May

    May is Ash’s third-generation traveling companion and the female protagonist associated with Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Omega Ruby, and Alpha Sapphire. She debuted in episode 275, “Get the Fuck Out of the Way!”, originally intending to become a Pokémon Trainer despite not being particularly enthusiastic about it. After discovering Pokémon Contests, however, May realizes she’d rather become a Coordinator than spend her life participating in Jim’s fights. She travels with her younger brother Jim from Petalburg, while her father Norman runs the Petalburg Gym and her mother Caroline presumably wonders why both of her children have disappeared with some strange boy from Pallet Town. Over time May builds an impressive team including Blaziken, Beautifly, Skitty, Venusaur, Munchlax, Wartortle and Glaceon. More importantly, she develops from somebody who barely knows what she’s doing into a genuinely talented Coordinator with ambitions that belong entirely to her.

    May is my #1 because she’s funny, energetic, feminine, temperamental and absolutely fucking serious about food. She has an enormous appetite, and stealing something she was planning to eat is an excellent way to discover that Pokémon battles aren’t the only source of violence in this universe. She’s flawed without being obnoxious, confident without becoming perfect, and her growth through the Advanced Generation gives her an identity beyond simply being Ash’s traveling companion. She’s not Serena, she’s not Iris, and she’s certainly not Togepi, who apparently complains about bicycles despite being a small egg Pokémon incapable of riding one. Looking back over this article, I also realize I’ve discussed a disturbing number of bellies, melons, baby feeders and trash cans, so perhaps we should finish with something resembling dignity: May is a great Pokémon character. That’s why she’s #1. And absolutely nobody ask me what happened to #3.

  • The Top 10 Best Anime

    Cartoons, but they are from Japan. Some are great, some are not great. These are the good ones.

    #10 Bleach

    Oh Bleach … Are you always going to be something underestimated compared to a trash can like Death Note? Everyone, thinks this is an animation. This anime is open. Bleach was a masterpiece, so it was very cheap. The series features the most humble horses, the most horrific bears, entertainment, many amazing scenes, and more heart-deepening deaths you can imagine. Literally everything will die. In fact, the only thing lacking in Bleach is probably more romance between the strawberries and the red head girl, who slept together many times.

    People that watch this anime will tremble with fear as they experience its deep history. Not only is this the best anime ever, it is also the best work of art humanity has ever done. If you haven’t heard or seen anything about it, give it a try. I’m sure you will like it. It changed my life and even inspired me in many ways. My girlfriend and I especially enjoyed watching this show together. Thanks for a great trip.

    #9 Hunter X Hunter

    Probably the best anime because it’s so cool. It’s been passive for a while, but it’s still one of the best. In other words, the character’s evolution is legendary, the power levels are well defined, and the animation makes a lot of sense. Unlike any other anime, these characters are empowered by training rather than the strength of friendship. In terms of friendship, Gon and Kirua are clearly the best friends in anime. This is a type of anime where all the characters are adorable. Even the villains are great. Spoilers: When the kite dies, Gon kills more than anyone. This is not because of the power of friendship or other bad things, but because of the restrictions the audience imposes to avenge the kite, which has a huge impact.

    I finally found an anime where the good guys don’t always feel like they win (“The Power of Friendship” and “When We Work Together, We Can Win!”). This is a scene that’s really worth watching. It’s time to support the main character. The protagonist of an anime that is often seen as an antagonist is a favorite because of the minor characters that are small and uninterested take a sore stitch, but this time I like all the characters. This can take a long time. While this is not so important, all six apertures use the same opening tones.

    #8 Fully Metal Alchemist

    Others say the show is great, and I guess I agree with them. The show is aimed at a more mature audience, but the plot is great. So I stayed up all night watching what would happen next. You are also really attached to the characters and you are like their friends. This anime will make you laugh, sit on the edge of the chair, and definitely make you cry. It nurtures your life. Someone told me that you should evaluate things based on what you have learned and it can be said that this program taught me about myself. So if you know what’s good for you, take a look at this.

    We hope that everyone, from light enthusiasts to fans of seasonal anime, can bear witness to this series. This program is for everyone. There are many well-choreographed action scenes, great comedies, unusual roles of memorable characters, amazing performances, and a voiceover. But at the center is a humanistic story about the love of two brothers. I can say it over and over again, enough to say that this is one of the biggest and most detailed animes in the world. There is a wonderful love affair between the two brothers and how they change the lives of the people around them. Overall, this is definitely my favorite anime and I’ve seen a lot. Damn, the series is almost perfect

    #7 Fairy Tail

    Why is it number 7? This must be at 3 or 2 instead! This cartoon changed my life! It’s cool and fun and will show you some of the best characters in anime history! It really inspired me to try everything. It sounds silly, but whenever I think I can do something, I think of Natsu and Lucy. If you are feeling unwell or unsafe, I recommend you watch this program. I promise it really will be for you. This is my second favorite anime, but to be honest, it’s just my seventh. If you haven’t already, take a look! I will not regret recommending this to you! This series needs more recognition.

    First of all, I am fascinated by anime. As far as I understand, “the power of friendship” can be a bit disturbing, but it still is. In many cases, it can be interesting and serious at the same time. Who wouldn’t love such a wonderful family? If you can’t see your friends and family every day, you put your life in danger. I also like the anime art style and music. I must say this anime is not perfect, but it is the best one I’ve ever seen.

    #6 Fully Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

    For those you don’t know, this is the basic premise of the story. This behavior occurs in a world where alchemy has evolved, not modern science, in countries where the military can rule a nation. The story revolves around two brothers trying to regain their body after a loss, and carrying out alchemical migrations to revive the mother after her death. She lost her life to a dangerous disease. The ritual went wrong when the brother picked up his left leg, and the other brother lost his whole body. The brother then grabbed his brother’s soul with their right hand and attached it to the armor before disappearing from the other side. Oh, I said all this happens at the age of 10-11? Later, the brothers were equipped with mechanical automation components to replace their lost brothers. One joins the army and receives the title of “Fully Metal Alchemist” and the series was given a name. Later, the brothers begin to explore a legendary object called the Philosopher’s Stone, hoping to be able to use their power to heal themselves. And all of that is covered in the first two episodes of the show! With an additional 63 pieces, you can imagine an epic adventure where two brothers chase their dreams!

    Fully Metal Alchemist Brotherhood is simply a masterpiece. It’s the best anime I’ve ever seen. I laughed, cried, stared at the screen, experienced tension and a shortness of breath. Nice animations and the best soundtrack I’ve ever heard just add to the story. I’m sorry that super anime is over, but this complication is audible and perfectly visible. I felt like I was deeply aware of each character and was following the development of the entire series. Every death, even an evil one, is like a broken heart. You will never get tired of seeing and you will never get tired of it. This is a kit you can watch over and over again! If you’re looking for something that really stands out in the huge anime world, I recommend this anime. Hundreds of episodes may not last, but Fully Metal Alchemist Brotherhood is a miracle to me and more to me. This is my favorite show and it probably never stops. I personally promise that if you try this series, you will not be disappointed. Don’t blame me when you’re addicted! Thank you!

    #5 One Piece

    I can’t believe One Piece has nowhere to put itself! This is probably the most epic anime I’ve ever seen (I’ve seen a lot of anime so far). Whoever wrote it is a great storyteller. You may get used to it, but it gets better over time. It is also newer because it is not like many other programs. I have to admit that the characters are cool and the battles are cool too. If you don’t like One Piece, obviously you haven’t seen it full. There are many stories like Sky Island Arc, Water 7 Arc, Impel Water Arc, Sea Wade Arc, Fish-Man Island Arc, etc. Seriously, don’t let the length of the anime. You won’t regret watching or reading One Piece.

    One Piece is the best anime ever and it’s not over yet, so I think it’s coming soon. History … Characters … If you are looking for something interesting and you love anime, give One Piece a try.

    #4 Attack on Titan

    We’ll see if anyone kills your anime fans. It’s one of the most addictive TV shows of all time. It has an immersive story that depicts cumulative visual elements, great combat with stretching chairs and twists that allow you to turn your head. This is really a masterpiece and not worth it, because it has some of the most unique and amazing, evil and adorable anime characters, such as Mikasa Ackerman, Levi Ackerman and Ellen DeGeneres. It is also an advertisement.

    Attack on Titan is not the first anime I’ve seen nor will it be the last. Plus, this is one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. The world is very interesting and mysterious. As I answered the question of where the child came from, other questions arose, such as “Who is the real bad person in this story?” I hope you understand what I’m talking about. This is definitely one of the first animes I recommend to anyone.

    #3 Naruto

    Naruto is a great combination of action, emotion, and pie charts. It is written so well that viewers can understand the lives of the villains and heroes. The performance was full of interesting rotation phases that made a strong impression on viewers. And Naruto grew up like an anime, overwhelmed at first and unhappy. He truly treasured what he learned throughout his life. So it is worth waiting for his last dream. Anime really loves you for certain characters, and when they are killed, your viewers feel like crying. In short, Naruto has a lot of fans. Naruto also teaches us many precious life lessons. The music used in the anime is surprisingly unique and honors the composer. Finally, we need to evaluate the uniqueness of each character. The different strengths, actions, and powers of each character distinguish them.

    Naruto really helped me live my life. He’s always there to make me feel good when I have a bad day, especially when people hate me. To be honest, I think Naruto deserves to be number one. I wish Naruto was real, but how amazing he is doesn’t mean he can only see it from afar. If you’ve read this comment, you haven’t seen it yet. The best will change your life. like me. I love Naruto and always do. But don’t stop your life, you might hate it, but cosplaying is scary in general.

    #2 Dragon Ballz

    You heard it right, you hate Dragon Ballz, and no matter how much you hate it, this anime should be the most popular in our generation. Not only in Japan and the United States, but in other countries around the world. Just check the Wikipedia page and see how many languages ​​it has been translated into. Most of the people in the animation started with Dragon Ballz. Some people love Dragon Ballz because it’s a long fight scene that takes place in a few episodes, sometimes about characters you can’t see quickly, and so on. Compare it to the topics in the new activity and say that the new topic is good because the conversations and events had a good look. Of course, when it comes to stories and action scenes, I don’t put Dragon Ballz in the first number, but here they talked about the “biggest.” I try to remind myself how much I loved it when it wasn’t a new anime. It gave me a lot of excitement, and compare it to the excitement of a new anime with good scenes and fights. I can say that Dragon Ballz did not win anything in this matter. This was the first appearance, and the rest were just new. Only a handful consider Muhammad Ali to be the best pounding boxer of all time, having been beaten several times, while other fighters ignore their records. Why does everyone think he is great?

    I think Dragon Ballz is the best anime I’ve ever seen. There is a lot of action, uncertainty, fun and comedy; everything you need for anime! It’s also a long, enjoyable anime, full of all the action you need in life. It is very impressive, but they always destroy one or five islands to show their strength. However, I’ve seen a few other animations and this is still the most impressive in terms of form, power, comedy and plot. This is a great anime and I’m glad I found it!

    #1 Death Note

    I am usually not the person who can watch anime. Anime is good, but most of them aren’t like me because the plots, character archetypes and art styles are exactly the same. In fact, in Death Note alone is better than American anime. The plot is unique. Over time, the general storyline is of how to gradually bastardize your life through practice and adventure. You’ll slowly start to be a bastard and become a villain. The idea is also interesting. The laptops used to kill people are unique, with the protagonist interacting with the user, living (trying to understand who owns it) and dead (making great things to kill). It also complements the twists and secret elements of the series’ plots. Let’s talk about the two.

    Great story. I think everything will be on time as there are no fillers. It is also convenient because there is no click. The character is also wonderful. All have a positive effect. Whether it’s funny or not, I’m always wondering what happens to each character. I can tell you how wonderful this anime is, but its explanation is long enough. As I said, Death Note should now be Number One.