These Are Media Things

Category: Kid’s Movies

The Top 10 Cartoons of All Time

In case you didn’t know, my girlfriend and I have two kids. Our daughter Dora the Explorer and our son Kentuckyfriedchicken.com. I love watching cartoons with them and they have probably picked the 10 best cartoons of all time. But they don’t write much. That’s why I’m writing my own list of the 10 best comics of all time.

#10 Looney Tunes

Animals that all are good food

Looney Tunes should be number one on this list, which immediately raises the question of why I put it at number ten. I made the list. I could change it. I will not. The characters are beautifully drawn, the dialogue is witty and creative, and the sensible use of classical music taught millions of children about culture while somebody was being crushed underneath an anvil. Most people only know the later characters and have forgotten the original stars. First came Bosco Beans, followed by his famous family Bobs Beans, Porky Beans and eventually Bugs Beans. Bed Bugs became the biggest star even though Bed Bugs is not a rabbit, and Tracy became beloved despite not actually being a bird. The old Harrier tunes were better. You don’t have a new character. This is animation history. Educate yourself.

Of course, some of those old cartoons contain racial caricatures of Black, Asian and Native American people that have aged horribly and shouldn’t be defended just because the cartoons themselves were groundbreaking. But everything else? Perfect children’s entertainment. Cigarettes! Cartoon automata! Characters shooting each other! Exploding sticks of dynamite! Dropping safes onto people’s skulls! Running directly through painted tunnels! That’s the wholesome American entertainment Bosco Beans intended when he founded animation approximately ten thousand years ago. Remove the racist garbage, keep the orchestras and enormous quantities of TNT, and Looney Tunes remains one of the greatest cartoons ever made—which is why it proudly occupies #10 on a list where I just said it deserves #1.

#9 Gravity Falls

Gravity Falls has everything I want from a cartoon: three-dimensional characters, mysteries, no bathroom jokes, air mysteries and high blood pressure. It’s dark enough that maybe children shouldn’t watch it, but it’s also a Disney cartoon specifically made for children, so teens, tweens, kids and even stupid fucking kids can enjoy it. Better yet, there aren’t a bunch of fashion-obsessed teenage characters wandering around like those other Disney shows that have been playing continuously in the waiting room of hell since approximately 2006. The voice cast is incredibly lively, featuring Kristen Schar, John Ritter’s son Jason Ritter, John Oliver and many other famous people. Gravity Falls is the best cartoon ever made. Yes, Looney Tunes was also the best cartoon ever made one entry ago. There can be several best cartoons. Stop policing my mathematics.

What separates Gravity Falls from most cartoons is that things actually happen. There are stories. Characters change. Mysteries continue between episodes. There are illustrations. There is foreshadowing. There is high blood pressure. Something appearing in Episode 3 might suddenly become important twenty episodes later, which is incredible storytelling but also deeply inconvenient because I don’t have time to catch up. Fortunately, if you look at everything online in the correct order, eventually it all makes sense, and doing that was the best experience of my life. Then the show ended after two seasons because its creator deliberately finished the story, which is completely unacceptable. I still agonize over the fact that Gravity Falls is gone and can never be recovered, despite the episodes continuing to exist and being completely recoverable.

#8 – Manbat: The Animated Series

This is Kentuckyfriendchicken.com’s favorite cartoon

When I first saw Manbat: The Animated Series, I screamed “YES!” directly into hell. This is unquestionably the greatest cartoon ever made and deserves to be #1, which is something I have now said about three different cartoons occupying positions that are not #1. I love Manbat, the deep tones, the strong tones, the shape of Poison Ivy’s body, the shape of the clown girl’s body, the game-changing animation, the shape of Womancat’s body and the incredible voice acting. Apparently I spent a significant portion of my childhood being attracted to drawings. But beyond that, Manbat transported viewers into a dark, unfamiliar world where ominous things could actually happen and characters had real emotional depth. The production was so ambitious that viewers were required to put their children’s college funds directly into the animation budget, and real sacrifice and bloodshed were necessary to finish each episode. Cartoons were never the same afterward.

This show made me a Manbat fan for life. Kevin Conroy’s Manbat and Mark The Hack’s Joker remain the ultimate versions of these characters, and nobody will ever convince me otherwise. The series could be funny, tragic, frightening and surprisingly mature without forgetting that it was still a cartoon about a wealthy man dressed as a flying mammal beating criminals unconscious every night. If you have any interest whatsoever in Manbat and somehow haven’t watched the series, I highly recommend that you come to my house this Tuesday and watch it with my entire family. We live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Just knock on the door and tell us you’re here for Manbat. Don’t call first. Bring snacks. Mark The Hack may be there.

#7 Regular: The Show

Regular: The Show is one of the greatest cartoons ever made despite every episode being basically the same fucking episode. Mordecai and Rigby are given an incredibly simple job like mowing the grass, setting up chairs or returning a videotape. Instead of doing it, they waste six hours fucking around until somebody whips out that old Necronomicon and summons a goddamn supernatural disaster. Now the park is floating through another dimension, an immortal demon is eating Benson and Skips has to arm-wrestle Death to restore the timeline. This is normal. Every catastrophe could have been prevented if Mordecai and Rigby had just done their fucking jobs. Children’s Network somehow broadcast this to kids despite the show teaching almost nothing about children’s health beyond simple hobbies like losing weight. They even reused the same fart sound for about ten episodes during one good season. I noticed. Nobody else noticed. I noticed.

And somehow this repetitive stupidity becomes increasingly meaningful because the characters actually develop. Most cartoons either reset everything after each episode or continue an ongoing story, but Regular: The Show ends every episode, which is an important innovation in television. Over time, Mordecai, Rigby and the supporting characters actually remember some of the things they’ve experienced, and those experiences begin influencing their relationships and decisions. Even worse, the supporting cast gets involved in the ongoing story despite me specifically complaining that this would make the show less interesting, and it makes the show better. Eventually these idiots aren’t exactly the same idiots they were at the beginning. They’re older, slightly wiser idiots who have survived hundreds of supernatural disasters caused by refusing to perform basic park maintenance. That’s character development. That’s storytelling. That’s Regular: The Show. Weird.

#6 Sven Universe

Sweet Becky’s Important Show

We live in an age when important cartoons have become increasingly important, sometimes addressing subjects so important that they threaten to become even more important than the most important anime. That’s why Sven Universe must compete directly with other important programs like Gravity Falls. It tackles important subjects including dictatorships, oppression, identity, relationships and important individuals being importantly oppressed. There are important character designs, important pastel illustrations, important songs, important storylines and, most importantly, IMPORTANCE. If Sven Universe taught me one important lesson, it’s that important little boys apparently never change their clothing. Sven wears that same fucking shirt constantly. Eventually the important aroma must become unbearable, but nobody mentions it because they’re too busy saving the important universe. That’s friendship. That’s hygiene. That’s an important masterpiece of important animation containing important lessons about the important universe.

Sven Universe is also one of the most important cartoons ever made about a fat kid. When I first encountered Sven and saw all the important attention he was receiving on social media, I assumed the show would be boring, stupid and, most importantly, not important. I was wrong. After several important episodes, followed by the important developments of Seasons 1 and 2, I realized that Sweet Becky had created something genuinely important: memorable characters, ambitious storytelling, important emotional themes and some extremely important music. I’ve watched a lot of important animation in my life, but few cartoons have been this aggressively important. Yes, the fandom occasionally became terrifying enough to drive normal human beings into the wilderness, but that’s not important. Don’t let them scare you away. Watch Sven Universe. Give it several important episodes. You may discover that you’ve been important all along. IMPORTANT.

#5 Rick & Morty

Strange and strange are adjectives. Cool and smart are also adjectives. Impressive, wonderful, creative, heartfelt and mysterious are additional adjectives I remembered while watching Rick and Morty. Great animation and great sound aren’t adjectives, but they are things that exist in the show, so I’m mentioning them anyway. I love wondering what is happening behind Rick’s enormous fucking head. I only started watching this cartoon two weeks ago and have already watched the first six seasons, so it is now my favorite cartoon and I apparently haven’t slept since Tuesday. My favorite brats so far are Dr. Bloom and Snowball. Unfortunately, despite all its scientific content, important elements such as aluminum and hydrogen are completely missing. Still, I could write an entire pop-up book explaining how much I love this cartoon. I’m watching it right now. Don’t judge me by anything I say. Goodbye and Vulva-luba-dub-dub!

To be honest, I normally don’t enjoy Adult Swimming because it’s a very erratic sport, but they have produced excellent cartoons such as Chick Robots and Inbred Arkansas Squid. Rick and Morty is better than both. Sharp and witty are adjectives. The show can begin with something as stupid as a love potion and end with the destruction of an entire dimension, then solve the problem by simply moving everybody somewhere else and adding a parasite full of people’s memories. That’s storytelling. The only way I can explain this masterpiece is to fly into the future, meet American Father, travel backward through a dimensional portal, fight Ren and Stimpy, and return before Rick destroys another ancient planet because Morty wanted a girlfriend. If that doesn’t make sense to you, you’re weird. Come watch it with me and my family at 425 Grove Street, Apartment 20, New York, New York. Bring aluminum. We’re still missing that element.

#4 Funny Gum Time

Funny Gum Time has officially won the Great Cartoon Wars. Everything about it is great: Gumball, Darwin, Penny, Patrick and all the other brave citizens who have saved the city at least once. Gumball himself has saved countless people and made them feel better about themselves, especially when Penny finally showed everyone her special area, revealing the strange creature underneath her shell. Gumball convinced her she wasn’t a monster because Gumball understands love. That’s why this beats SpongeBob for me. I used to love SpongeBob, but I’m still psychologically haunted by that episode where Squidward commits police suicide, and I don’t even know whether that episode actually exists anymore. Therefore SpongeBob blows rats and Funny Gum Time is the new champion. The Cartoon Wars are over. Gum has defeated Sponge.

Absolute work of art. Every joke is clever and every episode is funny, adventurous or absolutely hilarious. Sometimes I slept all my life. Gumball is especially approachable because he’s chewy and has a pleasant, long-lasting flavor. Darwin is a good guy, although sometimes he’s too good and that’s his fault. The Egyptian god Anubis makes ridiculously clever observations, Richard Nixon represents the gold standard of cartoon comedy, and Nicole Kidman is one of the funniest characters because of her explosive temper and stink. I especially enjoy the episodes where Gumball and Penny go to Hell, because even eternal damnation cannot destroy their adorable relationship. Every character gets a joke. Every character is cute. Every character contributes something important. That’s why Funny Gum Time is #4—and, unlike the first three cartoons on this list, I am showing tremendous restraint by not claiming it should be #1.

#3 South Park

Queen’s worst song was “Radio Ga Ga” More like “Radio Kaka”

I’ve been a South Park fan since I was 13 years old, which was middle-school, although many longtime viewers have apparently been watching since the Triassic Period. I abhor children such as Kyle and Wendy while maintaining religious shrines dedicated to Cartman, Randy and Butters (God). Unfortunately, South Park seems to have lost some of its audience recently, and as a lifelong devoted fan I am strangely excited to watch this beloved institution decline into complete obscurity. But I will remain loyal until this historic era finally ends. My passion and love for this show is existing. It’s vulgar, disgusting, offensive and sometimes deliberately stupid, but you can’t judge anything by its surface. People judge my son because his name is Chicken, but he doesn’t even like chicken. He’s vegan. Think about that before you judge a cartoon.

Behind all the profanity and vomiting, South Park actually tells stories that make you laugh while forcing you to think about what’s happening in the world and, apparently, how to fix it. The characters are flawless, the voice acting breaks me down, and the writing is incredibly sharp—which is an adjective. Sometimes an episode may induce physical vomiting, but that’s simply the price of great art. I highly recommend that anyone over the age of consent discover this extremely obscure paper masterpiece created by Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Few people have heard of it, but maybe you can help spread the word. If you’d like to watch it with me, come over to 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, USA. I apparently moved again. Don’t bother calling. Just knock and ask for Chicken.

#2 Avatar: The Last Airbender

Avatar: The Last Airbender is a big piece of master, a complete reinvention of color and one of the first successful Nickelodeons ever to discover that a cartoon could have a story. This allows incredible character development. Ssokkkaaaaa evolves from a narcissistic misogynist into the perfect man, capable of drinking tribal water while still maintaining an element of humor. Ang Le begins as a cheerful child before becoming a depressed alcoholic living on the street and begging strangers for money. Girl Character—did she have a name?—begins as a young girl and eventually develops into a slightly older girl. Zuckerberg Man undergoes perhaps the most sinister transformation of all. Even the supporting cast is incredible, including Iron Man, Bum Hunter, Power Bottom and Ah Fuck It. The world they created is so realistic that the producers simply used the same universe again for the spinoff The Legs of A Girl. Don’t let the cute animation fool you. This epic hilarious cartoon is better than casual sex with a stranger.

Unfortunately, Avatar: The Last Airbender is also a baby show for babies, which explains why it isn’t #1. Babies love everything this show contains: romance, comedy, war, genocide, imperialism, spiritual enlightenment and Power Bottom’s incredible ability to bend the Earth. I don’t think a single episode ever made me laugh out loud, and after watching the entire series I can confidently say I was never entertained once. Girl Character is brave and kind, though, and the creators deserve tremendous credit for their revolutionary “let’s give girl characters dialogue” concept. The story is fantastic, full of faces and words, and every episode contributes to one of animation’s greatest long-form narratives. It’s terrible baby garbage. It’s an absolute masterpiece. It’s a timeless classic. There is no show in the world right now that can stop loving this wonderful cartoon.

#1 Dora the Explorer

A future playable character for Call of Duty

My daughter Alpha Dora is named after Dora the Explorer, so obviously this is the greatest cartoon ever made and #1 on the list. There was never a competition. The previous nine cartoons were wasting their fucking time. My daughter Alpha Dora is adorable, intelligent and has an extremely unfriendly speaking voice because, just like Dora on television, she yells every single thing she says. Dora never asks you where the mountain is. She stands three inches from the screen and screams “WHERE IS THE MOUNTAIN?” until terrified preschoolers point at it. Alpha Dora communicates similarly. The difference is that my daughter is considerably smarter than Cartoon Dora. Remember when Alpha Dora was only eight months old and the CIA recruited her for a secret mission involving high-profile international targets? Eight months old. She couldn’t walk properly, but apparently she had security clearance. That’s intelligence.

And that’s my biggest problem with children’s television: stop assuming children are stupid. Kids understand far more than adults give them credit for. You don’t need to repeat everything seventeen times, scream basic questions at them or spend five minutes waiting for them to identify a fucking bridge. Give children stories. Give them ideas. Challenge them. An infant can accomplish remarkable things when properly motivated, including apparently working for American intelligence despite being unable to control her own bladder. So yes, Dora the Explorer is a repetitive educational cartoon that sometimes treats its audience like they have never previously encountered colors. It’s also #1 because I named my daughter after it, and that’s how legitimate criticism works. Congratulations, Dora. You defeated South Park, Avatar, Sven Universe, Manbat and Bosco Beans through nepotism.

October 23, 2022
The Top 10 Best Pixar Movies

Pixar Animation Studio creates amazing animated movies. DreamWorks tried to compete with them, but failed. There is always the best at Pixar. My girlfriend and I have seen all Pixar movies, but we are still watching them many times. There is also her favorite movie, which might be on this list. Disney makes good movies on their own, but Pixar is the best, they are always good.

#10 Ratatouille

Ratatouille is one of Pixar’s most well-received movies, and for good reason. It’s funny, beautifully animated, and its version of Paris creates such a wonderful atmosphere that some of my favorite moments of life are taken from this movie. Remy’s journey from sewer rat to chef gives the movie an unusual sophistication for family animation, exploring creativity, ambition, class and the belief that talent can come from unexpected places. The Incredibles is probably the best Pixar movie outside of Macy’s Second Floor, but Remy’s delicious restaurants are better than Inside Out, Toy Story 23 and even Nemo’s Invention. I actually think Ratatouille works especially well for older audiences. Children can enjoy the rat controlling a man’s body by pulling his hair, but adults may connect more strongly with its ideas about pursuing creative work, dealing with criticism and discovering what you’re capable of doing. This work is very underestimated, despite being enormously acclaimed and winning the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.

Jane Austen of Pride and Prejudice Monthly Digest called the movie “almost a work of art” and praised it as an intriguing portrait of artists and the creative process. She was especially impressed by Anton Ego, the terrifying food critic whose encounter with Remy’s ratatouille reminds him that criticism is easy while creating something meaningful requires vulnerability and courage. Austen concluded her thoughtful analysis with the immortal words: “yo, thanks.” Meanwhile, the bartender at my girlfriend’s strip club awarded the movie five stars and declared: “Ratatouille of Pixar is magical, Pixar is tasteless, but the first dessert is Bird, not just sweat.” I don’t know what the first dessert is Bird means. I don’t know why Pixar is suddenly tasteless. I don’t know who is sweating. But I know one thing: Ratatouille is fucking great.”

#9 Inside Out

THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE. That’s why it’s ranked #9. Toy Story 3 and The Incredibles are great, but Inside Out gives audiences one of Pixar’s most challenging, imaginative and unusual stories. You can criticize its plan for not being tough enough, but everything else makes it fascinating. At some point I heard The Lego Movie and Big Hero 6 tell me, “Wow, this is as beautiful as Frozen!” so naturally I screamed to heaven. Then I finally watched Inside Out and shouted, “Wow! I do not even freeze!” Other Pixar movies simply cannot shake off the incredible power of Inside Out. More importantly, the movie understands something genuinely valuable: every emotion has a purpose, not just Joy. Sadness isn’t a malfunction that needs to be eliminated; sometimes it’s how we communicate pain, ask for help and process change. That’s a remarkably sophisticated idea for a movie containing a character made entirely of broccoli pizza trauma.

The characters are warm and memorable, the visual representation of Riley’s mind is wildly imaginative, and there’s so much creativity here that if we talk about the sights, it will take about an hour. I don’t think Pixar will ever lead a film like this again, and if they do, Pixar will take over the world. Jane Austen called it “one of the best films of the 21st century.” Joseph Stalin surprisingly praised it as “absolute joy” and offered a thoughtful analysis of grief’s role in creating memories, proving that apparently even Stalin had strong opinions about Bing Bong. Finally, a crack addict I found in an alley behind my house delivered the most intelligent review of everyone, explaining that Inside Out gives children a symbolic vocabulary for recognizing and communicating their emotions. Jane Austen reviewed it. Stalin reviewed it. A random crack-smoking child psychologist reviewed it. The consensus is overwhelming: Inside Out is the best movie—which is why there are eight Pixar movies ranked above it.

#8 Toy Story 2

2 Toy 2 Story is to the Toy Story series what The Empire Strike Trilogy was to Star Wars: a sequel so good that I cannot fit all of these concepts into this article. The movie takes the simple idea of toys wanting to be loved and turns it into a surprisingly mature dilemma: Woody has to accept that, sooner or later, Andy will grow up. He can either enjoy the limited time they have together or preserve himself forever behind museum glass. The animation is a huge improvement over the original, and unforgettable sequences like the airport, the wedding of Al and Woody, and the recovery in a barn will remain permanently etched into my memory even though at least one of those scenes never happened. Jessie’s heartbreaking story also competes with the horrible monkeys in the first ten minutes, wherever those fucking monkeys came from. If this number does not exist, it must be higher. The ratatouille should also be long.

The original Toy Story was obviously groundbreaking, but Pixar’s animation improved enormously by the time 2 Toy 2 Story arrived. The songs are better, including “If He Likes to Vibrate” and “You Made Me a Friend,” two Randy Newman classics that apparently exist in another dimension. The story and performances are stronger too, and of course we get Buzz Lightyear’s unforgettable declaration: “YOU ARE THE GAME!” Sid in the first movie was basically a destructive kid, while Prospector Man is a more complicated villain whose bitterness comes from spending years alone and unwanted. Unfortunately, Prospector Man is tired of being arrested, and eventually decides everybody else must suffer with him. The movie also introduces Jessie, Bullseye and Zurg, balances jokes for adults and children, and even has excellent credit control. Overall, this is the best Pixar movie, which is why it is ranked #8.

#7 Toy Story 3

After watching Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift, I made sure I cried five times. I wasn’t leaving that theater until Pixar received every tear it was owed. This movie is basically a tragedy about growing up, letting go and accepting that even the relationships that define our childhood eventually change. I would have been perfectly happy if the series ended here, although there was apparently an unreleased game for this story waiting somewhere in the future. I hadn’t played it yet, so I couldn’t determine whether continuing the franchise was truly necessary or whether the money was wasted. But Tokyo Drift itself is fantastic: beautiful animation, memorable characters and a final goodbye that feels like the natural conclusion to everything that began in the first movie. The best cartoon ever. One of the best movies of all time. This is a great movie and should be at the top of this list. That’s why I’ve ranked it #7. I held in my hands all my favorite movies. I thought about it, but there were times when I cried.

Jane Austen described Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift as “a 15-year-old epic about the adventures of a silly plastic stack,” but also a sad meditation on loss, impatience, growing up and the strange human attachment we call love. Dear, stubborn, stupid—this is called love. My girlfriend’s alcoholic stepfather was equally moved, explaining that even with expectations incredibly high, Toy Story 3 was powerful enough that he recognized it by name. He marveled that digital animation involving plastic games could produce such genuine emotion. Then he fainted. Honestly, there is nothing left to add. Jane Austen cried. I cried five officially documented times. My girlfriend’s stepfather delivered his review and immediately lost consciousness. Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift is one of the greatest Pixar movies ever made—and therefore, according to the mysterious mathematics governing this list, it belongs comfortably at #7.

#6 Wall-E

Sixth place? WHAT? I think WALL-E is better than Looking for Nemo, Up and Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift, even though all of those movies are good. In fact, WALL-E is my favorite Pixar movie and deserves a place on the podium. This isn’t merely one of Pixar’s best movies; it’s one of the greatest animated films ever made. Why did I personally rank my favorite Pixar movie at #6 on my own Pixar ranking? Don’t question the process. WALL-E is a masterpiece. It’s like a song that grows inside you: the more you experience it, the deeper and more meaningful it becomes until you go somewhere. It’s a love story, a story about humanity, a warning about consumption and complacency, and ultimately an incredibly hopeful movie about our ability to change. Other movies might exaggerate these ideas, but WALL-E manages to discover that the forest is full of bees. There is no forest in WALL-E. There are no bees. But the forest is fucking full of them. You can tell this movie was made from the right place in someone’s heart.

WALL-E is definitely my favorite Pixar movie, although not many people consider him their favorite because he is not famous. Apparently this obscure independent production from a tiny company called Pixar slipped under everyone’s radar. It also has very few conversations, especially during its extraordinary opening section, where WALL-E’s personality emerges almost entirely through movement, sound and behavior. That lack of dialogue may make parts of the film less immediately appealing to very young children, but it’s also one of the reasons the storytelling is so special. WALL-E and EVE barely need words for us to understand exactly what they’re feeling. I think emotions come out when they are strong, and that’s a unique quality compared with many other Pixar movies. Older viewers may particularly appreciate its loneliness, romance, environmental themes and faith in humanity. WALL-E is my favorite Pixar movie. It deserves a podium. It is better than several movies I apparently ranked above it. Sixth place? WHAT?

#5 Monsters Inc.

I think Monsters, Inc. is one of the most amazing and wonderful films ever made. It has all the great skills; some great skills and gardening. Be realistic and stick to your toes. The animation is imaginative, the monster world is wonderfully designed, and Billy Crystal and John Goodman have fantastic chemistry as Mike and Sulley. Randy Newman’s unforgettable “If You Didn’t Bleed,” performed by Crystal and Goodman, is one of my favorite Pixar songs, right alongside “You Made Friends” and “I’m Not Going.” There are MASTERS in this movie: Jennifer Tilly, Billy Crystal, Steve Buscemi and John Goodman. They are all experts. In short, this film is the best. Why would you watch Hotel Transylvania with a machine, monkeys and werewolves when you could watch a breathtaking, joyful and elegant movie like Monsters, Inc.? And honestly, who wouldn’t want to see how unique the doors are in these pictures? Look at those fucking doors. Pixar absolutely nailed doors.

Jane Austen observed that “there were a lot of kind people and adults who went with the children and watched them have fun,” which is less a review than Jane standing outside a movie theater describing the audience. One of the other strippers at the club where my girlfriend works praised the film’s “creative power” and declared it “a film for many years of use,” suggesting that your Monsters, Inc. should remain functional provided you follow the recommended maintenance schedule. My girlfriend was slightly less enthusiastic, saying the drama was sometimes “more than inspiring, the spirit of the audience is in popular places,” before apparently surrendering to the same linguistic demon possessing everyone in this article and announcing: “happily happy he runs like anything else.” The original author thinks she might need different medication. I think she’s fine. She’s just reviewed too many Pixar fils.

#4 Up

It’s correct. This film is the first time we have a flying house. Up is a fictional film with surprisingly adult themes in which a child constantly thinks about running around the house to steal a talking dog. The opening introduces Carl and Ellie and follows their life together as they repeatedly postpone their dream of traveling to the battlefield, while also facing the heartbreak of being unable to have children. After Ellie’s death, Carl finally begins the journey they always planned, accidentally taking Russell along with him. Eventually Russell, Kevin and Doug share in Carl’s joys and sorrows. I especially like Doug because he likes to play with you, unlike some movies—Olaf coughs on blasphemers. Doug is also a beautiful dog who desperately wants the approval of his master, despite midwife Charles being very good. Carl eventually finds himself traveling around South America with a Boy Scout, a talking dog and a dodo, while his house swims through the sky. I like every aspect of this movie.

I remember seeing Up in theaters on my birthday, so it will always be one of my special Pixar movies from the past, although Toy Story 1–4 is also good. The famous opening sequence gives us approximately ten minutes of Karl’s wedding to Ellie, and even though it had nothing to do with it, Pixar somehow tells an entire heartbreaking story through tiny moments: their marriage, their dreams, their disappointments, growing old together and finally Carl being left alone. That sequence establishes everything the rest of the movie needs, because Carl eventually realizes that his ordinary life with Ellie was the adventure. Of course this is Pixar, so you should also expect different shows, creative speeches, fun games, audio saws and lots of great comedies, and this movie has all of them. Flying houses. Talking dogs. Midwives. Dodos. Audio saws. Emotional devastation. Well done! Good work!

#2 Looking for Nemo

I still watch Looking for Nemo sometimes. Marlin may be overprotective of Nemo, but that’s almost the entire point of the movie: after losing most of his family, he’s terrified that something will happen to his only surviving son. It has one of Pixar’s most emotional stories, beautiful animation, a wonderful soundtrack and voice actors who fit their characters perfectly—especially Dora, who almost everyone knows. I like Ellen DeGeneres at the moment. I also like Toy Story, but for me, it is endless. Anyway, there are clowns in the ocean, and one of them takes her son to school until the teacher brings everybody into the open sea. Nemo then gets lost trying to crash into a ship that disrespects Father Marlin, forcing Marlin to lead him to the theory of short-term memory loss. Along the way he fights sharks, jellyfish and seagulls before consuming a 100-foot-sized blue whale. Eventually he finds Nemo, brings him back to school, and it was over. Good movie. And a good start.

Jane Austen awarded the movie a rating of [an infinite product involving cosine] × [a logarithmic limit] + [an infinite zeta-function series] = [a logarithm involving the golden ratio] − ¼, because apparently stars are no longer sufficient for Pixar criticism. Even worse, I’ve checked Jane’s mathematics and the two sides aren’t equal, so Austen has completely fucked this review. She nevertheless praised the film as traditional Pixar, saying its unlimited imagination could last forever and declaring “Nemo explodes from the sea.” She was particularly impressed that the ocean creatures possess “all types of eyeballs,” calling them both a gift for the eyes and a blessing of modern culture. My girlfriend’s psychiatrist gave the film a much more comprehensible four out of five stars, explaining that “a visual imagination and sophisticated intelligence have begun the search for the top of the peak.” Whatever. Looking for Nemo is great. Just keep Marlin away from the whales.

#1 Coco

I love this movie! It’s so beautiful, it has to be good! Coco made a huge impression on me, especially Héctor’s unforgettable song “I Miss You,” which also made a big impression on Coco. The music is emotional without being filled with dark, funny songs, and the story, animation and characters are all wonderful. If you’re somebody who refuses Disney because you think its movies are boring and rude, watch Coco or Inside Out. This may have the best soundtrack I’ve ever heard in a Pixar movie, and it fits my tastes almost perfectly. I’m was watching another Pixar movie that burst out of the screen and attacked me. That was when I first saw Coco. However, Inside Out ends. I’ve always struggled to choose my favorite between Toy Story, Amazing Family, Looking for Nemo, Monsters Inc.—well, you have an idea. But Coco is so beautiful and sincere that I may finally have to reconsider everything.

I have completed my reconsideration. Coco is now my favorite movie about Pixar because it contains a great secret and pushes the boundaries of death. Other Pixar movies have explored similar subjects: Cars 3 tells the story of the doctor’s death, while Up tells the story of Ellie’s dead love affair. But Coco goes further by telling the unforgettable story of a woman who went into space after she died and fought Ernesto De’s favorite super villain: La Cruz. None of that actually happens. Miguel travels to the Land of the Dead, uncovers the truth about his family’s history, and learns why remembering those we’ve lost is essential to keeping their stories alive. Ernesto de la Cruz is simply one guy, nobody goes into space, and the tiger is amazing—although Pepita is technically an alebrije resembling a winged jaguar. The film’s ideas about family, memory, music and death are handled with enormous warmth, and its ending earns every tear it wants from you. There is no such thing as a Pixar secret thriller. And with that immortal observation, our Top 10 Pixar Fils comes to an end.

August 4, 2020
Top 10 Most Annoying Children in Movies

I love children … most of the time. I have 3 nieces and 3 male nieces. The children I spoke of, on the other hand, were devil worshipers. If I had my style, the children would be completely removed from existence, I would never want to hear from them again.

For some reason, these children are the only ones who are confused. Sometimes they add nothing to the plan except that they spoil the ridicule. Sometimes you don’t know how to do what you’re told, and you destroy everything. Sometimes I hate them because of their general nature.

#10 Dennis Mitchell in Dennis the Menace

I love comics and movies. Poor Mr. Wilson just wanted to stay calm, quiet and sleepy, but Mitchells had to throw a terror child at him and his wife. To be similar to terrorism, what crime would Wilson have to commit with this petty brutality? Some of his ants can go from nasty to very dangerous. Wilson almost squeezed him. I’m not sure I should be sorry for Dennis Mitchell, but I hate it.

#9 Junior from Problem Child

The kids in this movie all want to brush their teeth, but Junior is definitely the worst. But I don’t refuse it because someone r has to do it. His work in this film is as harmful and straining as possible, and of course, deathly. But who thought this was a good movie? Nobody wants to see an ugly boy for an hour and a half. Why don’t you make teeth the main characters, even though they don’t support them? Anyway, I wore a devil’s dress on my birthday. I hope he knows this.

#8 Rachel Ferrier from War of the World

I am experiencing World War I, but I am frustrated. This movie is really scary. In this film, Dakota Fanning’s performance reminds me of Jennifer Lawrence in “The Hunger Games” (2012). They will both die in the apocalypse. They will not be raptured because it’s very frustrating to listen for two hours. One day, Rachel might think she is learning to accept that her life is messy, but she is not. Her screams when something terrible and distant happens hurts cats. Why can’t I own more stocks than Tom Cruise’s father?

#7 Danny Torrance in The Shine

Not as painful as the mother Wendy Torrance, but it definitely got me to want hell. Your father’s mental idea of killing you and your mother is amazing, but can you stop being afraid? Danny is unique on this list. This shouldn’t be an ordinary annoying little man. Scared to death. In fact, for illegitimate reasons, I have been able to screen horror movies for many children. But it’s all because of the terrible baby Danny Torrance. Don’t be afraid of me, please.

#6 Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Bad Mosque

I’m too depressed just to see someone’s heart beating his chest. However, we do not intend to reduce that a little bit. It’s really embarrassing, but Indiana Jones is a violent man in a great movie. I don’t know what the purpose of this movie is. It is just there. Whenever I see an unprotected child in a movie, I think the director automatically wants the girl to dominate the actor. I think the girl was Harrison Ford. Unfortunately, Steven Spielberg also made it hard for me to look after him. I don’t know when this child will be silent. He has a fake boy personality, and his film seeks to make 80 children untrustworthy.

#5 Anakin Skywalkers in Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

The bigger Anakin Skywalkers are stressful enough, but the smaller Anakin Skywalkers are equally worried. Jake Lloyd was a nice Anakin, so I didn’t introduce him to the show. I blamed the fact that the whole movie was pretty rude. If it wasn’t a dance choreography it was a race war. The ghostly threat causes Anakin Skywalkers to incorporate a curse, so it’s hard for him to like it. Also, we already know what a small valve is. Our conscience of this little brother became infected in the first place.

#4 Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter movies

Who hates Dudley? He is corrupt, greedy, corpulent and rude. I don’t know who doesn’t want Harry to use his magic more. This did not help Dudley’s parents, he made them cry, and he often encouraged them to suffer. It is not difficult to see that Dudley has a charming personality and cruel style to other people. I hope the snake eats him in the first movie, or if the prison guard in the fifth movie wins his soul. Dudley exists only to attract neurotic people.

#3 Kevin McCallister in Lonely Home

I don’t know if this is popular. In Lonely Home, the moment when Kevin wants to be with someone is beautiful. But in most cases he was just a little suicidal. Why do children get the most violent inside of stolen homes? If Kevin might get hurt, what thief would he return to? And don’t forget that Kevin’s ignorance threatens a pizzeria for other reasons. Some non-villains might find Kevin, but I think it’s clear. Why do we have Christmas?

#2 Samuel in The Babadook

Why does this child scream for 2 seconds? I would love it if Sam didn’t stop getting so angry like Danny Torrance. I know a stranger is coming to see me. Can you stop everything to get bigger? I am blessed. Imagine getting tired of biting a friend you want. At that time it was time to give Babadook to the child.

#1 All the children in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I really hate everything about the chocolate industry, especially Tim Burton. First, we will use the original, Augustus Group. He is depressed, greedy and not worried about others. Then there are always the unfriendly and unhappy little Violent Beeguard. And since Veruca Salt is worse, you need everything your father sees. Mike Teevee was not a bad guy, but he was still very upset by his arrival. The only thing I like about this movie is that all the angry kids finally get a fair reward. I hope my grandfather Joe Bucket gets out of bed with a fair reward for his lazy bench.

July 29, 2020
The Top 10 80’s Cartoons

We are the world leader of movies about Transformers. We have been involved in the GI Joe. Not only movies, video games are designed based on vehicles. Take all the nostalgia for people and it is still a lot of magic. The characteristics of art that received aggressive treatment over time. Action is acccepted as the dream of the fans. Here we need cartoons.

#10 Silverhawks

In the 29th century, they attacked the team of metal body fighters and rid the Milky Way of Intergalactic Organized Crime. Silverhawks comes from the same lake as rank bass a the Thundercat. As a result, many actors started talking Silverhawks. In around 1000 years people will be satisfied with guitars. The Silverhawks offer no apology for murder.

#9 Brave Star

The show was really called “Brave Star of the Local Indian Police.” He was also the space principle of a space junior high school. The tv show had no thought or development. He wore a brave star in the space west and fought a space battle on a space horse that stands on two space legs and can be transformed. There is also space crime.

#8 Dugeons and Dragons

Dungeons and Dragons was a cosmic pleasure trip for acid babies. There were all kinds of magic pictures to help mushroom happy children on a Saturday morning. Most people who have seen animated films tend to have sober kids in mind. Not for this show. All bright colors and alarm clocks made of strawberries. For an easy game of heroes just play the game of the same name. The youth led by the mysterious Dungeon Master promised to go home after tripping dragon size balls.

#7 Thundarr the Barbarian

After the collision, the Earth is still damaged. For thousands of years, a new civilization on Earth grew out of the wreckage of the old. The country of America is just ancient ruins of a modern city. All power has become an illegal hydro-company of the evil. Thundarr, a heroic man has a team including the Oklah Mok magician, Princess Ariel of the Sea. They fight the bad guys to restore order. There’s some fighting that’s pretty okay.

#6 Galaxy High

What? I’ve never seen this show. Is this a real? The look women or homosexuals. This show is girls and anger at the space industry. No one saw this. Why did I want it on my list? Do you have a boy in this show? He must be gay. Two high school students (of course, girly boys and girly girls) participate in the Milky Way School. They met and then they try to find out all sorts of strange garbage writers produce. Along the way there’s more. But nobody cares.

#5 M.A.S.C.

The show was dumbly named MASK because it was Mobile Armor Strike Kommande. That is bad spelling. Very bad for kids to teach them bad spelling. Correctly it is Mobile Armor Strike Command. So the show is “M.A.S.C.” The show is people fighting to upgrade the vehicle’s crime to give a special weapon to the group. They fight a group called V.E.N.O.M. (Vagrant Ethnics Needing Our Moms) who have mean intentions. Like poison. There are also things like cars and camouflage.

#4 He is a Man

Prince Adam transforms with the power of his churlish sword from his home at Chez Grayskull. He becomes the most powerful naked person in the universe. As a man, Adam must overcome the perennial threat of hurricanes. He must fight the Skeleton Man with his bones and his threats. Hey man, these were cartoons from the renaissance. It’s just video games and animation. As property, most people recognize almost immediately.

#3 Thundercats

There have been many attempts to start a new civilization on a dead planet Thundaria. One day, the president of America decided to employ the Thundercats with the aim of colonizing Thundaria and exploiting its native population of Mummy People. Unfortunately, the new land was in danger. These risks include age, the so-called weakened population and the so-called Ra Mummy. The complexity of life is based on the fact that only a man with a heart of the prince can fight the body of a man. And Snarf sux.

#2 Robotech

Robotech is a small robot technology league. “Robotech” is short for Robotechnolokigicavitzalomominismation. It refers to a forbidden foreign technique, which used to make weapons and robotics. The weapons will then be necessary when we must combat extraterrestrial attack. This was an okay animated series, except for the war between the planets. It wasn’t just robots, there were also the soldiers and crew, who worked with external color technology. There was personal interaction.

#1 Voltron

The single greatest creation of all human civilization. Fuck the Power Rangers. Fruck the fucking thieving fucking Power Rangers to fucking death by hate fuck. There are three different Voltron, and they are all the BEST. Even the stupid geeky green guy on Voltron was better than every single shit Power Ranger. VOLTRON defended the universe from all the evil that threatens the galaxy. Power Rangers sit at a fucking mall with thumbs in each others butts. With Voltron, their lions could be used by a pilot, either individually or as a whole, to work with one large robot. Voltron was popular in the United States as well as the original Japanese. Power Rangers was popular with people that have autisim or people that have no heads. Voltron FOREVER!!!

July 18, 2017
The Top 10 Underrated Animated Movies

Video will never disappear. Long live the new flesh! Many movies find resale ane are marked by a series of products. This is from the classic period. Besides, I’m very lucky. It is time for the forest and all the beauty and animals in the forest to hide in terror. The traditional film animation is going to die. I’m still not happy to know that you have taken criticism. Much of the animated movies are left unexplored.

#10 Little Nemo: Adventures in the Slums of Northumberland

He was never just a fish. Nemo was much more than a boy dreamed of adventure, as expected, Little Nemo was a GOD among men. The spirits led Little Nemo to the global ghetto of Northumberland where he became king and built a flying vessel. This is some deep dark propaganda. This is a prequel to Akira. Once Little Nemo, drunk with power, was forced to abdicate the crown, his empire was redubbed Neo Tokyo. The rest is history. “Little Nemo: Adventures in the Slums of Northumberland,” is a masterpiece of immense power. Unfortunately, the masterpiece was lost somewhere. Over time, the film degraded and now the final product is only the ruins of the mighty work it once was.

It is sad that his story has been lost. Little Nemo stands on a hill now, overlooking the once mighty empire.

I met a child from an animated movie,
Who said–“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert… Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Little Nemo, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Rond the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

Oh, Little Nemo. You were a God that the world has forgotten.

#9 The Black Cauldron

Disney never speaks. This film appeared during in the darkest times of humanity: The Reagan Administration. Walt was 20 years dead, Disney was embarrassed. They were unable to produce new ideas without the fearless despot to command. So they made this fantasy film based off of something. The story is about a young farmer who sacrifices pigs to summon the undead evil king. The film is evil and can actually conjure an undead army. Parents, be careful if your kids watch. They can summon the dead. Walt Disney’s funeral was one of the most expensive disasters in Disney. Chaos surrounds his tomb. To remedy this, they made a movie to summon the dead. If they could bring Walt back, they could make magic once more. They did, and the Walt zombie guided their hands to “The Little Mermaid” four years later. However, “The Black Cauldron” still exists. It can still summon the dead when viewed carelessly. Some critics have praised the film’s score and computer effects.

#8 Happily Ever After

We all know the history of the fighting agent. Her stepmother tried to kill the seven dwarfs, the handsome prince. Snow White Girl is kissed and all the normies live their lives in happiness? In this unofficial sequel, Snezana is happy to work with her prince while until he is kidnapped by an evil cousin, such a bad brother, Mali. Unfortunately, the Seven Dwarfs are all killed in a terrible mining accident. Their have seven female widows, mourning the sudden loss of their husbands. One is depressed to the point of suicide. So these six lady dwarves battle Mali and rescue the prince. This movie bombed.

Amazingly, forever and forever, this movie led to the development of the women’s movement. Unfortunately, the movement was quickly suppressed by patriarchial warlords at a bloddy battle in Kansas. It was simply not enough to save a gender. This was the last film ever made with a band of cartoon lady dwarves. It might be the only one.

#7 Bebe’s Spawn

Your child tired of misunderstanding? Children from Bebieprobably will not do anything. This movie is one of the last from comedian Robin Harris. This is the movie version, the only African-American feature with the highest number of votes. Dressed in an attractive baby suit, this was an attempt to care for a group of hard-to-reach children. He will bring the kids to Fun World. Hell increases, past the park, and the public, mocking Harris accidentally started a hip hop music.

Trembling, the kids offer excellent fun from the bad guys of the former president and actress. However, it is not close to $ 3 million stolen from Kiev gymnastic coaches used to make this movie. It got negative reviews. Many critics dare each other to “try a child,” by which they threaten to make them watch “Bebe’s Brood.” And so they say, and say, “I will kill you carbonized.” Film critics do not make much sense. Because there are too many pop culture limits to today, now missing, the movie should be a joke for kids in 1990.

#6 Watership Down

Upon entering the forest of bloodshed, you can find a VHS copy of “Watership Down” hidden in the piled bodies of mutilated animals. Watership Down is an original English language movie based on the Richard Adams book. So it’s actually not an original movie, it is a movie based on a book. Not original. The story focuses on a number of unfortunate rabbits living in the English countryside. They are facing a lot of risk and, eventually, they will all die brutal and agonizing deaths in the jaws of predators. Thus is nature. Thus is life. When fighting wild animals, the film will never flinch. In contrast to Bambi, this movie is not shy. Good. Critics praised Watership Down. Upon its release, filmmaker Ruggero Deodato was interrogated by Italian authorities because they believed the murders in this movie were real. He had to prove this was just a cartoon. If you are looking for an animated film that does not speak to you, or if you are trying to look like a rabbit fight against death, please check this out. However, leave the breeding out this round.

#5 Cold World

Jessica Rabbit Framed Roger Rabbit, because that’s what cold animated ladies do. But what happend to Holli? Like Roger Rabbit, Cold Wold is a good half-animation. Unlike Roger Rabbit, Cold World is all bad movie. This was made by Ralph Bakshi (Fritz the Cat Wizard). Cool World comes from an irrational and torturous area of hell. Bakshi’s obsession with manga is a focus in this work. He quickly discovers that the external of his imagination, is a Cold World, where animated people die at any price. There is also a sex object named Holli.

This was when young Kim Baysinger and Brad Pitt looked like people. The film is similar to Disney’s Bambi with its seductive plot Despite the dynamic marketing, most critics have raised protests agaisnt this “repulsive shit.” This movie has 4% of all the Rotten Tomatoes. No good tomatoes, just rotten ones. If you want violent adult cartoons, watch “Watership Down” instead.

#4 The Cat is Not Dancing

Did you want the gay and shitty Aristocats? I know I did!! Cat dancing is one of the coolest things in the world. I saw a cat dance club in Juarez once, great times. Great sex. Great cat dancing club. Warner Bros. produced this movie about the seedy and fun life of cat dance clubs. Before her death, actress Beyonce Knowles gave her voice to this movie. A cat dance company makes it big when they travel to Hollywood for kittens. Cats usually receive a positive review in animated movies. Any shitty movie with a cat gets about 80% of Rotten Tomatoes. Randy Newman voices the funny characters. Dreams are shattered when children realize that a cat is a useless animal. Useless for anything except cat dancing. Unfortunately, the cat in this movie is not dancing, so it is a useless cat. But it is still better than Space Jam.

#3 The Secret of NIMH

The Secret of NIMH is the first animated movie directed by Don Bluth (“Before Time Country,” “USA Tail”). It is the only one worth watching from Bluth. All others are shit. Especially “Heaven is For Dogs.” This movie is the masterpiece though. You should look at it. Best movie on this list. “The Secret of NIMH is about Mrs. Brisby. She must leave a sick child at home or a cold environment. Like the poor humans with lives destroyed by capitalism. Mrs. Brisby and her rat family is the same as a poor Black family starving in Detroit or Chicago. Desperate for money, Mrs. Brisby sells her body to dangerous science experiments. Lucky it was to test a drug to give a group of rats excessive intelligence at the Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Her fate is better than the “Watership Down” rabbits who had their bodies sold to cosmetic companies where their eyes were melted by a new shampoo made of acid (Kids Movie). Critics have masturbated to Bluth’s attention to detail and use of technologies. The conversation ends with powerful and complex issues NIMH.

#2 Avatar

The end of the forest understands what it is. Collect the clock with Tim Curry’s blood and feel the attention of a crazy bat like Robin Williams. A young American worker is depressed about his decreasing career. The final forest set to be destroyed by a sensual dirt stain. This film has reached 32 million people worldwide, and I am doing very well. Critics feel hate, and came directly to this film for release. It is not a particularly important movie and it is aging.

#1 The Thief and the Cobbler

Life is cruel. This filmis here after 25 years of perfection. It survives an economic recession. The movie began in 1968. Some of the cast and crew members died before it was completed. It is one entirly produced film. This super-movie is about a young shoemaker leading a revolution against a rich Arab kingdom. I like it. If the kingdom is threatened, the world will end. The climax was not achieved until 1991. After Disney’s Aladdin was a success, American audiences wanted more movies with brown Arabian people. This movie was then the Aladdin Bonus Round. The work was destroyed, many viewers agree.

March 2, 2016
The Top 10 Kids’ Movies From the 1980s

In the ’80s I wore my long hair is pigtails and it was dyed neon colors. I was 10 years old. My friends then defined pop music composition. For generations, there was no nostalgia for the people. But then, after the 1980’s, there was 80’s nostalgia EVERYWHERE. So, I love you, slowly, because you have a grateful fortune. With the continued development of the pig drum. John Hughes helped launch the teenage comedy which was a great success. Children from the 80’s have all passed on (old age), but the movies are still there. They are liked by a contemporary audience at a time when they are young. They are sometimes interesting.

#10 Labyrinth

Jim Henson Workshop certainly did a lot of things in the 80s. During this era, the time when the Master entertained the Infants, Jim discovered a rock from which Fraggles flowed. O Henson, Lord of the Puppet! Yours is an incredible talent. After the discovery of the mythical and magical Rock of Fraggle, God Henson joined the ranks of filmmakers with the Dark Crystal (1982) After that success he created more ambitious plans. Like the master architect of myth, Daedalus, Henson created his own Lanyrinth, filling it with wonders. There is David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King. There are definitely games, music, and fun. Maybe adventure too. The Labyrinth of Lord Henson is a living and fascinating story – a dream.

#9 Kick Baby

Autumn of 1984 was a dark time. When the children tried to imitate the crane kick done by Daniel in this movie, many children were hurt. Kick Baby was responsible for countless injuries and fatalities over the 80’s. Hospitals were crowded. So many parents grieved. Every child had a broken nose. This violence continues today and has gotten worse. Today we have children training dragons, ACTUAL dragons. All because of the violence inspired by Kick Baby. However, it is a really stylish movie that feels still refreshed and inspired.

#8 Large

In the 1980s, parents and children changed roles many times. It had to do with the Age of Aquarius and the Earth’s vicinity to certain starts and things like that. There were a lot of movies that covered this anomaly, movies like “Vice Versa” and “Like Father Like Son.” There were also movies about old people becoming young again, because that happened a lot to. “18 Again” and “Dream a Little Dream.” The movie, “Large” is one of those movies about this strange phenomena. But this one has Tom Hanks. Hanks, with his big, healthy body. Such a good movie.

#7 The Transformers Movie

Please, forget about life. Forget about CGI. Forget about the sacrificed virgins Michael Bay requires. The 80’s cartoon Transformers film was originally better. This cartoon is more complex and great. It got a number of awards and achieved no loss of character and tone in the order I made. And the powerful rock band of Weird Al. the oddly All-Star Cast: Orson Welles as an orb or some shit, Judd Nelson and Leonardo Nimoy are here too. Transformers: The Movie is all children want and is enough. There are Decepticons and Autobots that don’t look like faggots– not like in the Michael Bay movie.

#6 American Ass

In the decadence and greed of the 1980s, we abandoned the purity of the Disney catalog and made a racist movie about immigrant mice. And there was sex. So. Much. Sex

There are mice strip shows. There are all kinds of objects put inside of little mouse buttholes. And other body parts. Mice are stripped and humilated and forced to sing “Somewhere Out There.”

The story of Fievel and his immigrant mouse is a dark journey of sexual depravity. It is like Fellini’s Satyricon. Only with mice.

It is classic animation. But Don Bluth was into some fucked up shit.

#5 Short Circuit

Electricity, digital clocks, and home computers were all invented in the 1980’s. So, of course, we would get the very first movie about robots, “Rocky 4.” But the robot in that movie was only for a little bit. “Short Circuit,” is the first movie written, directed, produced, and starring a robot: Steve Guttenberg. Another robot, Johnny V, develops Guttenberg like powers when struck by lightning. They become military prisoners and fight against aircraft using an AirWolf arcade machine. Ally Sheedy is in here somewhere, putting Cap’n Crunch and pixy sticks on her sandwich or something stupid like that.

#4 WarGames

When you watch this movie at dawn, butterflies appear. The story is still one of the best Hollywood movies. Matthew Broderik is accidentally sent to the government supercomputer and teaches it to play games for children. Real life and military life combine to make death. Cold, plastic, computer death. He considered the computer game to be innocent, but computers are evil. By accident, he makes SkyNet and dooms humanity to a war with robots. His perception of the family of healthy young offenders causes many errors on your computer.

#3 Flying Navigator

Comparing with the idea of riding a strange spaceship to explore the galaxy you’ve had more cool than kids? That’s what I think. I don’t know what the hell is going on in this movie, but everyone liked it. Some middle-aged child sleeps eight years before waking up with a heart full of prototype weapons and document of galactic information. I don’t know. Time travel or something? Space? Some ship that sounds like PeeWee Herman. This is all so bizarre. Was this real? I don’t know.

#2 The Goonies

If a movie reminds children that childhood is bad, then it’s a goat. All children want a great adventure with friends, but they will never have that. We coddle children and shelter them. Children will never have adventures. No children will ever find hidden treasures, fight evil villains, or make wonderful friends. No children will ever make a club and say “never say die!” because they don’t know what dying is. But they will listen to Cyndie Lauper, I suppose. The movie just does not present a believable situation about children. It is so fake. And that Sloth thing is terrifying. How is this a kid movie?

#1 Alien

Filmed in the 80’s. A lot of people owned it on video cassette. It was probably the most liked movie for, like, 10 years. Alien is about about friendship has been the eternal history of growth. The sequel sucks, so does the video game version, that sad Atari video games which is now most forgotten. E.T. is probably it is one of the few films that have come to exist. Spielberg shows skill as a director who really knows how to create a deep miracle like magic. As a result, it is one of the best films produced for children.

December 4, 2013