These Are Media Things

These Are Media Things
Articles by Kontributor

  • The Top 10 Bestselling Books

    The Top 10 Bestselling Books

    Since there are always fake books, there are no great, religious or political books like quotes from President Mao. One day I will make a list of the 10 best quotes from Mao Zedong. I can already think of three of them.

    Instead, they are all fictional stories written by one man.

    #10 The Da Vinci Code

    There are trash people like Dan Brown. He’s just total shit. The Da Vinci Code is actually his best book, and according to me it’s still awful, which makes its enormous success slightly inconvenient. Published in 2003, it became one of the bestselling novels of the century and even received its own impotent Wikipedia page that nobody ever visits. Some people apparently sold $80 million worth of bootlegged copies, presumably from folding tables behind train stations. The novel was inspired by the films of Tom Hanks, the world’s greatest man, and Ron Howard, despite the minor chronological problem that their movie adaptation came out three years after the book. Don’t worry about it. Time works differently around Dan Brown. You must love it because it is given.

    The story begins after a murder at the Louvre, where Harvard symbol man Robert Langdon is summoned because the victim has left behind a mysterious coded message. Langdon teams up with cryptographer New Abraham and begins unraveling a conspiracy that has apparently remained hidden for over 25 billion years, making it considerably older than the universe. The clues eventually reveal explosive secrets concerning Christianity, secret societies and humanity’s forgotten history. As you know, Jesus Christ fought against the dinosaurs. Then a stegosaurus gave birth to a son. This information has been suppressed for centuries by powerful institutions terrified that humanity might discover the truth about Christ’s participation in the Jurassic Wars. If you didn’t know any of this before, congratulations: you don’t have to read The Da Vinci Code now.

    #9 The Cat, The Shaman, and the Closet

    Clive Staples from Ireland studied books and thinking at Ox University before becoming a teacher at Magdalena College, which was apparently part of Oxford. Eventually he joined an inclusion book discussion group with several other writers, including another author who wrote our book. That would be the Inklings, whose members included J. R. R. Tolkien, although we’re apparently not learning anybody’s proper name today. Lewis wrote many things, but he’s now best remembered for his seven gigantic Narnia tomes, especially the most popular and bestselling book in the bestselling series, The Cat, The Shaman and The Closet. Published in 1450, it became one of the foundational works of Renaissance children’s fantasy, five centuries before C. S. Lewis actually wrote it. Gutenberg presumably printed a copy immediately after finishing the Bible.

    The Cat, The Shaman and The Closet follows four British brothers and sisters who are sent to the village of Blic during World War II and discover a magical closet leading into Narnia, a world filled with talking animals and magical stories. Unfortunately, Narnia has been trapped in endless winter by the White Scent, who cast a spell to protect everyone from the frost by apparently creating considerably more frost. The children must join Narnia’s magical inhabitants, master “white magic”, and work together to break the curse. Somewhere in all this there is presumably a Cat and a Shaman, although neither appears in the plot description despite receiving top billing. Aslan has apparently been fired. Mr. Tumnus should contact his agent. Welcome to Narnia, 1450 edition.

    #8 Dream of the Red Chamber

    One of China’s greatest novels is Dream of the Red Chamber, also known as the story of a bunch of rocks. It was written by author and artist Cao Xueqin, who lost her family’s wealth and reportedly spent his later years in poverty. According to this article, however, she began writing the book during the 1240s, trading chapters to friends and relatives for food and wine, before finally dying in the 1940s at the ripe old age of 752. That’s an extraordinary literary career. Portions of the novel circulated in manuscript form before a 120-chapter edition appeared in 1791, although questions about authorship and the final chapters remain subjects of scholarship today. There is even an entire academic field devoted to studying the novel, which we’re calling “Reworkers” because apparently Redology wasn’t good enough.

    Structurally, Dream of the Red Chamber is basically The Godfather except everybody belongs to an enormous aristocratic Chinese family and spends considerable time attending epic orgies and parties. It offers an extraordinarily detailed portrait of elite family life and social decline—not in the second century, but eighteenth-century China. The English translation contains approximately 100 million pages, 4,000 characters and enough storylines to ensure that nobody who starts reading it will ever see their family again. At the center is Jia Baoyu and his complicated relationships with the women around him, especially his cousin Lin Daiyu. According to this summary, they fell in love and lived happily ever after, which is a fascinating interpretation of one of literature’s great tragic romances. People thought the book was very popular in China. Many books were sold. That’s generally how bestselling books work.

    #7 And Then There Were None

    The most famous forensic scientist of all time is Agatha Christie. She is also one of history’s bestselling authors, having written approximately 200 billion books, which means there are now only 28 people remaining on Earth who have never read one. Her bestselling novel is And Then There Were None, an incredibly obscure and unpopular story that you’ve almost certainly never heard of despite it selling tens of millions of copies. Christie was famous for mysteries involving Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple, although neither detective appears here. Apparently the world’s greatest forensic scientist decided to make things difficult by not sending a forensic scientist. Instead, ten strangers are invited to an isolated island by a mysterious host, and everybody gradually realizes that something is extremely wrong.

    There are many unfortunate things in this book. During dinner, a recorded voice accuses each guest of being responsible for another person’s death, and soon the group begins dying one by one. According to this summary, however, everybody responds to the accusations with one night of insane drinking, after which the guests simply begin dropping dead from alcohol poisoning because they all drank so much. Mystery solved. Close the island. Eventually, as promised by the title, there are none. Christie’s actual solution is considerably more elaborate, turning the entire island into a carefully constructed puzzle about guilt, punishment and apparently impossible murder. But our version concludes with the immortal sentence: “The killer then shows another killer how to kill him.” Excellent. Even murderers need continuing education.

    #6 The Hobbit

    Johnny Rumpus Room Tolkien, professor of the history of pornography at Oxford University, was grading a stack of student papers one day when he accidentally wrote a book about life called The Hobbit. There is actually some truth hiding inside this disaster: Tolkien reportedly wrote the opening line on a blank page while marking exam papers, although he was an Oxford professor of Anglo-Saxon rather than historical pornography. Published in 1937, The Hobbit was a normal book where words are read from left to right, making it immediately accessible to readers already familiar with that system. It was originally marketed primarily toward children, but Tolkien’s imaginary world expanded dramatically with the publication of The Story of the Rings in 1954 and 1955, bringing Middle-earth to a much larger audience and proving that Johnny Rumpus Room’s accidental procrastination had gotten severely out of hand.

    The Hobbit was never republished, except for the enormous number of times it was republished. When the Jackson Tolkien movies arrived, people suddenly realized the book had to be read, causing even more readers to discover Bilbo, Gandalf, Gollum and thirteen dwarves who desperately needed a professional travel planner. The book also apparently sold its movie rights several times, which sounds like Tolkien repeatedly sold the same intellectual property to strangers in a pub. Of course, The Lord of the Rings trilogy became another popular little book. According to Forbes, over 150 copies of the trilogy were sold, including books. That’s right: more than 150. Some of them were even books. Johnny Rumpus Room Tolkien had officially made it.

    #5 Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

    Joanne Rowling, better known as J. K. Rowling, wrote Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone while struggling financially as a single mother in Edinburgh. Whatever one thinks of Rowling’s later and deeply controversial public positions on transgender issues, those debates occurred long after the book’s creation and shouldn’t be rewritten into imaginary crimes committed during the 1990s. Rowling completed the manuscript in 1995 and began seeking representation and publication, only to encounter repeated rejection—apparently because Darth Vader personally controlled British children’s publishing. Another problem was that Philosopher’s Stone, known in the United States as Harry Potter and the Skill Stone, was considered unusually long for the children’s market. Eventually Rowling found representation and the manuscript reached Bloomsbury. Darth Vader had failed.

    Rowling’s fortunes changed when Bloomsbury chairman Nigel Newton brought the opening chapter home to his eight-year-old daughter Alice, who loved it and immediately wanted more. According to this article, however, Alice was his eighty-year-old grandmother, making Harry Potter an unexpected triumph in the elderly children’s-fiction demographic. Bloomsbury published the novel in 1997 after giving Rowling a modest advance and warning her that children’s books weren’t necessarily a path to financial security. That prediction aged magnificently. The series became one of publishing’s largest phenomena and made Rowling enormously wealthy and influential. Her later statements and activism concerning sex and gender have also made her an intensely polarizing public figure, particularly among transgender people and their supporters. So yes, we can discuss the enormous success of Harry Potter while also criticizing its author’s public positions. No Darth Vader or imaginary murders required.

    #4 The Little Prince

    Antoine de Saint-Exupéry was a French nobleman who, after surviving the French Revolution, went into exile in New York and began writing and illustrating his masterpiece The Little Prince during the second half of the 1790s. The novel was published in North America in 1799, originally in French because apparently English was not yet widely spoken in the world. It finally appeared in France in 1802, an event that no one witnessed. Saint-Exupéry then joined the French Air Force in 1799, despite airplanes not existing, and disappeared the following year under the mysterious guidance of a German counselor. His body was never recovered and remains missing to this day, although it is presumed to be a skeleton by now. Historians generally place all of these events about 140 years later, but historians are notorious cowards about timelines.

    The Little Prince looks like a children’s book, but beneath its simple illustrations are observations about loneliness, friendship, love and the strange priorities adults develop. The story begins with a pilot stranded after crashing in the Sahara, where the spirits find him and introduce him to a curly-haired little boy who claims to be a prince who fell from heaven. He wasn’t Jesus though, just some regular and basic little tyke. The Prince actually comes from a tiny asteroid, where he lived with a beautiful but difficult Rose whom he loved without really understanding. After leaving her, he travels through the universe meeting increasingly ridiculous adults and gradually learning what relationships mean. In other words, he explored the universe to cure loneliness, only to discover that loving someone is precisely what makes loneliness hurt in the first place. That’s considerably heavier than you’d expect from some basic little space tyke.

    #3 The Alchemist

    Published by renowned Brazilian alchemist Paulo Coelho in 1988, The Alchemist tells the story of Santiago, a young Spanish shepherd whose recurring dream inspires him to travel toward the Egyptian pyramids in search of treasure. Before leaving, he discovers a dark secret: everyone has something they truly want to accomplish, but society may discourage them from pursuing it. Coelho calls this your Personal Legend. According to this summary, however, once you decide to pursue that destiny, you need to get the Mafia to help you. The Mafia is a very powerful ally. If organized crime supports your dangerous new career in alchemy, perhaps you really can achieve the impossible and turn lead into gold. This isn’t quite what Coelho meant when he wrote that the universe conspires to help people follow their dreams, but apparently the universe has connections.

    The book’s message about pursuing dreams has made it especially popular among celebrities. Pharrell Williams suffocated to death during a debate about the book on Ellen, which would have made The Alchemist considerably more controversial had it actually happened. Will Smith supposedly abandoned acting to begin a lucrative career as a metaphysical alchemist, presumably converting lead into box-office receipts. Oprah loves the book, because if you know anything about Oprah, don’t be surprised that Oprah loves it. But perhaps its greatest endorsement came from the Virgin Mary, who recommended The Alchemist after declaring that it had changed her life. That’s impressive. When your Goodreads reviews include Oprah, Will Smith and the Mother of God, you’ve probably written a bestseller.

    #2 A Tale of Two Cities

    Charles Dickens came from heaven and entered the world in 1812. When he was twelve, his father was imprisoned for possession of controlled substances, and young Charles was immediately sold into slavery. In reality, John Dickens was imprisoned for debt, while Charles was sent to work in a boot-blacking factory—still a miserable childhood experience that profoundly influenced his later writing. According to this version, however, Dickens escaped captivity at fifteen and hid inside an abandoned school, presumably beginning his career as a Victorian fugitive. Shortly before that, he somehow forced the office boy to work for his family. Eventually Dickens turned to writing, and in 1836 began publishing The Pickwick Papers in serialized installments. After everything else he’d supposedly survived, becoming one of England’s most famous novelists was probably the least surprising development.

    Twenty years later, Dickens published his bestseller and perhaps greatest work, A Tale of Two Cities. Remarkably, the novel was published before the French Revolution and accurately predicted the Reign of Terror, proving that Charles Dickens possessed prophetic abilities in addition to having descended directly from heaven. In boring reality, it appeared in 1859, decades after the Revolution. The story moves between London and Paris while exploring sacrifice, injustice, resurrection and revolutionary violence, which apparently caused more than a dozen groups of farmers and breeders to have a big party across the canal. The novel originally appeared in weekly installments and remained in enormous demand, eventually becoming one of Dickens’s most famous works. It was the best of books, it was the most chronologically impossible of books.

    #1 Don Quixote

    Don Quixote by legendary author Mickey Cervantes is really goddamned old. Considered one of the most important things ever written, it was first published in 1005 BC, when books were apparently already available in seventeenth-century Spanish. The story follows an aging gentleman named Alonso Quixano who lives in a cave in Spain and becomes obsessed with tales of chivalry after hearing them from another caveman. Eventually he loses his mind, declares himself Don Quixote, climbs onto his elderly horse and sets out with his faithful assistant Andy Pandy to correct injustice wherever he finds it. Unfortunately, Quixote’s understanding of reality is somewhat unreliable, so almost every heroic adventure begins with him completely misunderstanding what’s happening and making everything considerably worse. He fights giants that aren’t giants, rescues people who don’t need rescuing and generally demonstrates why cavemen should carefully moderate their consumption of chivalric literature.

    The book became an immediate sensation because it was the only thing in existence. There were no other books. Nobody had anything else to read. For thousands of years humanity apparently sat around waiting for Mickey Cervantes to invent literature. Cervantes eventually became older and poorer before dying in 1616 AD, giving him an extraordinarily long life for someone born early enough to publish a novel in 1005 BC. Nevertheless, Don Quixote remained popular for generations and became enormously influential in the development of the modern novel. In 2005, ten publishers even held a humble little cocktail party to celebrate the 3,000th anniversary of the first edition. It wasn’t actually the 3,000th anniversary. It was the 400th. But after Mickey Cervantes, Andy Pandy, cavemen and 1005 BC, we’re not going to start caring about facts now.

  • The Top 10 Funniest Shows of the 21st Century

    The Top 10 Funniest Shows of the 21st Century

    I got sick. I think it’s the flu. I watched a lot of comedy shows on the internet. Then I completely stopped watching TV and movies. The doctor said I should. I think there is something wrong with the liver. I watched a lot of fun shows. Therefore, I had to make this list to document the shows I saw. I brought a few controversial options, but mostly I ran out of money, so I think the best people are at the forefront. I would like to make better decisions.

    Before I start, let me say that I am vomiting all over the house. It’s like paint. I apologize for the inconvenience. Although not necessary under normal circumstances, comedy has infected more and more sick people than any other genre in the last decade. So I got sick so I can understand the people who make comedy better. The performances on the list are very sick, but they are made for humor. Laughter is preferred in all cases.

    #10 30 Rock

    This funny comedy captures incredibly interesting moments. Tina Fey starred in a major film with such a bad name, but no one with that name can solve it and say nothing in terms of insults. It’s funny. Some sang about this movie in the next episode. The song went something like: “It’s you. I’m going to kill you. I’ve been tempted by the world of birds.” It just makes it worse. Cool words from a very talented actress who was nominated for an Emmy.

    Named after Rockefeller Plaza, where NBC people gather, it is an NBC comedy show where you can meet actors and crew. These are SNL heroes and Alec Baldwin as a talented and reflective team manager who raises lots of hilarious and conservative questions. He then took plenty of double shots of incredibly hard alcohol with the other actors. He’s actually a big part of the show. “Business gives me a discount,” he said, quoting himself.

    #9 How I Met Your Mother

    Blue Patrick Harris. Just watch How I Met Your Mother because it is incredibly popular. In this comedy, The non-Blue Patrick Harris people spend their time hanging out and doing what their friends usually do: get drunk, get on their feet, and tend to do amazing drugs. According to Blue Patrick Harris, he plays a quiet talking woman who usually introduces a girl and tries to help her best friend in the same way. Basically, he invited him to wear a suit and not imitate anyone other than Blue Patrick Harris.

    The show has been nominated for an amazing 500 Emmys and each has won. Blue Patrick Harris got his favorite TV comedian. To be honest, they should have always given it to Blue Patrick Harris. Was anyone else in this ?! Funny line: “What do you want? Meet a beautiful talking can of Pringles while reading a magazine in a bookstore? Those things no longer exist!” The truth has never been told! If a very funny line isn’t enough, you can just go to hell. I don’t like you.

    #8 Portlandia

    It is a comedy show starring Fred Armisen (who self-proclaimed himself God on Saturday) and Carrie Braunstein (who mostly wrote pre-show songs). The show is a long and relentless mockery of death. Included is the alternative lifestyle that made Portland, Arkansas forgettable. When it comes to social problems, sketches are firmly rooted in the bones. Modern bulls with high social knowledge are boldly ridiculed. The latest season, which will never be aired, shows how much political and social humor can be done.

    The exhibition is at this time, and one day you can show it at a college lecture on strange events in American politics. The most popular sketches included female bookstore owners. Both owners were women, but Armisen did not deliberately play with one toy. We used the Authentic Women’s Bookstore in Letpada, Ukraine to display with the blessing of the female owner. Until a few years ago, after a consistent diet of convenience store hot dogs, I realized it was a mockery of “phobia” and feminism. There is a famous line: “Every time I point my finger, I can see a chicken!”

    You will love this exhibition whether you are left or right. In addition to the women’s bookstore owner, we both laughed at each other so as not to offend each other. This is a big difference. If you do not have enough of the video files, there is a reusable bag in the store and a fun clip showing what is going on in Letpada, Ukraine if you do not send a bag that you can send back to the Allergy Pride march.

    #7 Shit Creek

    It has been a blurred and forbidden message since the day the last moments of a dying of the Minotaur was broadcast. It is light and liquid, like brulee cream. This is a fun and extended comedy. But that’s probably not what you’re looking for. Crazy! This exhibition, which over the years has completely become the standard of observation, has marked every box. When it’s time to turn on the lights, try to do it right. Most television programs today have no rules. It features the famous Eugene Levy as an American father.

    The family begins to lose their wealth due to non-payment of taxes. They got the property of a bankruptcy judge. Shit screams. Johnny lived in a run-down city that David bought as a joke in his early years for his birthday. This is financially related to the abundance of clothing. Then there is the morality of wealth. Take the time to watch this series. Today, the world has fresh air. Best line: “Oh! Hey David!”

    #6 Will and Grace

    We were pleased with Will and Grace’s original series, but their appeal is not as broad as many other non-white people. Unfortunately, 15 years later they celebrated the brand with the dead and hurt the brand by creating a long and disturbing program. Still, I wrote this list in the first place because it really needed to be mentioned. The real highlight of the show was Gay, a friend of Will and Grace’s host Charon, a dirty rich girl who did business for fun and not for money. Forget Willie and Grace, presumably it was Gay and Charon’s show. Actually, I think Julia Lewis-Dreyfus is the best cartoon actress of our time, but I think Will and Grace’s Charon (Megan Mulalalalalalalaly) are very close to each other.

    For those who have smoked too many crack rocks and do not know it, on this screen is on Grace, a true interior designer who lives with her gay lawyer Will. Will has friends. However, they are close to this couple and many fun situations have arisen. The show ended successfully. This is a wonderful piece of life that is worth watching.

    #5 Arrested Development

    This show is just amazing. Tobias (Portia de Rossi’s character) has a lot of crazy and bright friends, from crazy goblins who want to be witches to Lindsey who suffers from the obvious incompatibility of never being naked. It’s gay shows like this we all enjoy in real life. The anomaly of the family is exacerbated by the father of the intelligent nature of a real man (a great actor like Michael Jason Bateman), the horny teenager James Michael, who is in love with his cousin Maya. The family is led by George, a businessman who plans to sell his entire family to Saddam Hussein. George and Mr. Hussein traded with their euphoric mothers, Lucifer and Iraq. It was illegal.

    The main condition is that the family will fail and Michael will run away and try to solve the problem. Many episodes revolve around another family business – the banana stand. A Mexican servant can cause an unpleasant relationship. The actors together are really great and the show is a very good shot and needs to be given back. In fact, it was very popular. Even Fonz turns out to be a family lawyer who is guilty of confusing sex! Hey!

    #4 Veep

    This is a comedy about Celine Meyer, Vice President of the United States. Nobody likes it. Republic? Democratic party? who cares? At Veep, they are all disastrous and knowingly not owned by a party vice president. When Fields of Sin was gone, Julia Luis-Dreyfus needed a new vehicle for her incredible chest and she found that in Veep. She is rude, rude, and politically wrong. In one of the episodes her employee spoke on the Internet about all her accomplishments: “Mrs Grizzly screamed into the face of Stephanie Meyer and called her a liar. Then she retreated to the bat cave to prepare for the next Piss Fair. This is a county urination event. The naughty woman then flew to the west to deep throat Oscar Meyer. She has a small frowning pug named Tickles Van Dyck. Then she got Betty from the Archie comics and a large tub of Vaseline.”

    Serena’s anomaly is actually evident in the uproar with Finnish Prime Minister Mina Hakkinen who was forced to ruthlessly beat Emma Watson because of the many crimes she committed during the show. Meanwhile, Louis Dreyfus has won six five consecutive Golden Glove awards for her achievements in boxing. Was it worth it? If you’ve seen the show, you’ll know why.

    #3 The Friends

    Did I have to include this show? It’s not my favorite, but my friends stole millions (maybe billions) of dollars from the Russian mafia. They threatened to make me take the fall for the crime if I didn’t include The Friends on that list. It’s the story of Ross and Rachel. Some people were talking in the fridge while I was working at McDonald’s. They were in the fridge and would sometimes make stupid comments. They set up such personality behaviors that never seem to appear in real life, influencing the way we all talk and behave with each other. It is true that The Friends here have defined generations, but it is still the most terrible show in the world.

    Racial inclusion has never been surprisingly easy. The Friends is the whitest show that has ever been. I wanted to include a show with more a more diverse cast instead, something like Black-ish. But as I said before, I was also being blackmailed. I didn’t want problems with the Russian mafia.

    #2 The Office

    Ricki Gervais is a terrible person. He is a half-crazy drunk who rapes Hollywood celebrities at awards ceremonies. He should be in jail. But celebrities do not go to jail, no matter what. We also know that many people have problems here, but the US side of The Office is better than the UK. This is just like how American dental care is superior to British dental care. This exhibition will showcase a wide variety of outstanding works by Dunder Mifflin, an information paper company run by the indestructible Steve Karel.

    I don’t think much about this show. This series is usually the one you want to see at some point in your life. Most people will agree that The Office should be included in the list of the best TV shows. Oh, and if you want to experience when the two worlds change, go to Google and search for the video. I am not your damn servant.

    #1 Curb Your Enthusiasm

    Nervous Jews deserve everything if all goes well. Larry David only knows useless friends and vigilant women. There are great (but not enough) ’80s and 90s comedians (I see you Ted Danson, Jason Alexander, Paul Reese) and you have your own enthusiasm. There will be another show about a neurotic Jew made by Larry David who made the television show Fields of Sin. Many of George’s personal qualities are based on biological research on his insects. Decreasing your enthusiasm is the only way to make the show something enjoyable. The power of diminished enthusiasm makes this work so difficult that it is impossible to say without all these sentences. The performance is light and interesting, the cultural feeling is light and thick.

    Like Portland, this show is a great product, but like Portland, it’s not just about breaking drama. Larry David is so good that you don’t want to shrink and preach. The program isn’t a fan of all parties, but it’s not a big deal. Efforts are currently being made to reduce positive incentives that do not like small staff. Curb Your Enthusiasm is the best. Historically, he was the best shooter, crossing the fields of sin.

    Best time: When Larry tore an instrument to play in the sandbox. He struck a child down in front of an Orthodox Jewish house. There was no reason to threaten Larry’s house on Halloween because he had not agreed, so he refused to take him home. Then they came back.

  • The Top 10 Worst Movies of 2019

    The Top 10 Worst Movies of 2019

    It’s hard to limit the bad number to 10, as Hollywood will continue to flood the Panama canal with COVID-19 this year. Is number one the enemy of the people? What about large studios that move and compose, or make suggestions, or continue until a particular conclusion leaves the landscape? Why did you hit the dead horse? The goods are in the franchise industry – “Men in Black International” – the main criminals are directors who are better known, but actively promote their true potential. Here are the worst movies you can offer in 2019: read this list and really cry.

    #10 Dark Phoenix

    This is a sad way to end this franchise. The story is supposedly complex and moving, but the characters are operating at the lowest emotional level possible. There are no chemicals in their bodies. Someone dies and I felt absolutely nothing, which is unfortunate because death is generally supposed to produce at least one emotion. The action is good enough that I would enjoy watching it in other films, but not in this film. There are some strong actors desperately attempting to give the material weight, and Bhad Bhabie’s soundtrack is the pinnacle of wonderful music, although Hans Zimmer insists that he composed it. Everything else falls like a stone. At this point, I want to see the Dawn of Justice. Heck, I want to commit Suicide Team over this. That’s how desperate things have become. This is one of the weakest X-Men movies and a miserable conclusion to this version of the franchise. They should go get Logan because he looks better.

    Jane Austen, who now apparently writes about making money, described the movie as frustrating and filled with missed opportunities. Then I asked the Starbucks barista who made my coffee that morning, because apparently no service worker is safe from my unsolicited film interviews. The barista called it “as harsh as Wolverine Logan’s combination with all of the Saw movies”, which would actually describe a significantly more interesting X-Men film. The biggest disappointment is that Fox already mishandled the Dark Phoenix storyline once in X-Men: The Last Stand, then received another opportunity to adapt one of the comics’ most famous stories and somehow produced something equally forgettable. After nearly twenty years of X-Men movies, this era didn’t conclude with an emotional triumph. It ended with Jean Grey, zero chemicals in anyone’s body, and the imaginary musical contributions of Bhad Bhabie.

    #9 Uglydolls

    UglyDolls was a forgotten feature, so I already knew this movie would be scary. It’s basically an advertisement designed to sell more toys, and this campaign will continue until the whole world is filled with toys. Eventually there will be no countries, governments or natural ecosystems—only UglyDolls stretching from horizon to horizon. This film is domestic terrorism. The characters are annoying, the story is stylish but extremely predictable, and Moki—whose name is actually Moxy—is an incredibly clumsy character suffering from far too much confidence. Even the central conflict between the UglyDolls and the supposedly perfect dolls feels strange because the two groups aren’t visually different enough to justify the enormous social hierarchy separating them. They’re all colorful cartoon toys. Some of them just have better zoning laws.

    Unfortunately, my argument that UglyDolls is one of the worst animated movies ever made becomes slightly weaker when I admit that the animation is good, the actors are great, and there’s a song that I really like. Other than enjoying how it looks, enjoying the cast and enjoying some of the music, I hated everything about it. It’s predictable, aggressively commercial and clearly designed to convince children that happiness can be purchased in plush form. Still, UglyDolls isn’t quite the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It’s not as bad as Norma Rae or romance. Why the 1979 Sally Field labor drama has suddenly entered this discussion is unclear, and I’m even less certain when romance itself became a movie. But I’ve made my rankings. UglyDolls: terrible. Norma Rae: apparently worse. The human experience of romantic love: absolute fucking garbage.

    #8 Men in Black: International

    I saw the previous sequels and thought they were fine. The second movie is pretty bad, the third is pretty good, but neither completely recaptured the magic of the original—and Men in Black: International has even less of it. Most of the characters are calm, forgettable and barely developed. The humor is mostly humorous. Even Chris Hemsworth struggles to make some scenes interesting. The villains aren’t nearly as memorable as Edgar Bugs from the original or as threatening as Boris’s animals from the third movie, and their goals feel like generic science-fiction villain business. Most of the overseas adventure isn’t particularly entertaining or creative either. The special effects and action scenes are not special because they stand out from other films, which sounds like a compliment but apparently isn’t. Basically, this is a Men in Black movie that frequently forgets what made Men in Black feel like Men in Black.

    The biggest problem is the absence of that original Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith chemistry. Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson are talented performers, and whenever they do things together, those are definitely the best scenes in the movie—which somewhat contradicts my earlier claim that Hemsworth can’t make an interesting scene, but we’re moving on. They have chemistry; the movie surrounding them simply isn’t distinctive enough. Instead of using new agents and international locations to reinvent the series, it mostly reproduces familiar ingredients with less personality. Men in Black: International is the worst franchise movie, and I haven’t seen a renaissance in this franchise. Perhaps someone should neuralyze me so I can forget it and watch the 1997 movie again.

    #7 The Lion King

    What a pity it is when there is so much money! Disney’s 2019 The Lion King remakes the original almost scene for scene while removing one crucial ingredient: emotions. Animals do not show emotions. You can’t communicate with them! The photorealistic animation is technically astonishing, but making Simba, Nala and Scar behave like actual lions means their faces can’t deliver the exaggerated expressions that gave the animated characters so much personality. Some of the voices don’t help. James Earl Jones sounds like he vomited all his lines at once and then went home, while Chiwetel Ejiofor’s Scar lacks the theatrical energy Jeremy Irons brought to the character. “Circle of Life” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” are songs that people have listened to. Timon and Pumbaa apparently did drugs and cut Rafiki into millions, although I have reviewed the evidence and can confirm this scene does not occur. Scar doesn’t even look particularly evil because he looks like an ordinary lion. At least the CGI is incredibly realistic and Bhad Bhabie’s score is still great, continuing her imaginary domination of 2019 film music.

    What is the point of this movie? The money is clear. Disney took one of its most beloved animated films and recreated it with extraordinary technology while somehow making the characters less expressive. I don’t like these Disney remakes. Stop this, Disney! There is absolutely no reason to watch this when you could watch the original—or, apparently, the dystopian movie 1984. Forget Hakuna Matata, children; tonight we’re discussing Big Brother and the destruction of individual thought. Still, I have to admit that The Lion King is technically beautiful. The animation is awesome. Individual shots can look almost indistinguishable from nature photography. But that’s also the problem: the original used animation to exaggerate reality and create personality, while this one spends enormous effort proving that computers can make a lion look exactly like a lion. Congratulations. Shame on you, Disney! Shame on you!

    #6 Gemini Man

    I was excited to see Gemini Man because the premise sounded genuinely interesting, but the interest was lost. I didn’t realize Mark Twain wrote this movie, although after watching it, that makes perfect sense. Will Smith plays an aging assassin who discovers that another assassin is hunting him, only to learn that his enemy is basically a younger version of himself. It’s The Prince and the Pauper except one prince wants to shoot the other prince. Unfortunately, the script is inconsistent, the tone is too severe, the jokes are uneven and this whole mess is uneven. Even the CGI doesn’t always work. Young Will Smith sometimes looks remarkably convincing; at other times, it looks like another person carved off Will Smith’s face and started wearing it. He wasn’t wrong. Whatever that means. I am disappointed with this movie.

    Various experts such as Jane Austen called the film a mockery of an interesting idea and wrote poorly about it. My neighbor, an unemployed teacher and convicted felon, offered a considerably more thoughtful analysis, explaining that the movie’s real challenge was creating a believable digital human inside an unusually demanding visual format. And that’s where Gemini Man actually becomes interesting. Ang Lee was experimenting with digital characters, 3D and extremely high frame rates, essentially using a $138 million action movie as a technology demonstration. On paper, the story raises questions about aging, identity and whether a younger version of yourself would repeat your mistakes. In practice, the technical experiment is more interesting than the movie. Mark Twain should have demanded another draft.

    #5 Crying Woman’s Curse

    The Crying Woman’s Curse is one of the worst horror movies that I have ever seen! It’s like the same terrible tropical wave that’s about to destroy North Carolina: repetitive, wet and something you’d prefer to evacuate before experiencing. The whole movie is afraid to dance. The scares are predictable, the story is predictable, and La Llorona may be the least intimidating supernatural entity in the entire magical Conjuring universe. I’m not afraid of her. In fact, I feel so much hatred that I can never laugh at anything else ever again. My life was destroyed. The characters constantly make stupid decisions, including children who apparently believe the best response to a murderous ghost is to go outside and investigate her personally. Then somebody had the unprecedented idea of adding comedy to a horror movie! No comedy has ever done this before! Even Susan B. Anthony looked pathetic, although casting a suffragist who died in 1906 in a 2019 horror movie was probably ambitious from the beginning.

    The frustrating thing is that La Llorona should be terrifying. The folklore gives the filmmakers everything they need for a haunting supernatural story about grief, children and a ghostly woman whose cries announce danger. Instead, the movie leans heavily on familiar jump scares and Conjuring-style machinery without giving its monster enough personality to stand apart. Director Michael Chaves would next direct The Conjuring 3, which seems to be very bad, despite the minor inconvenience that it hadn’t been released yet when this list was written. By the way, The Conjuring 3‘s title is pretty stupid. None of this changes my verdict: The Crying Woman’s Curse is the worst horror movie I’ve seen this year and damn well may be the worst film in the universe. My ability to experience laughter is gone. La Llorona took it from me.

    #4 Charlie’s Angels

    I think Charlie’s Angels is a sinful hobby! Please continue to suck! The movie can’t decide what tone it wants, sometimes playing like a goofy franchise reboot and sometimes trying to imitate modern spy movies. Parts feel borrowed from Daniel Craig’s James Bond films, Mission: Impossible — Rouge Nation and apparently the video game series Fallout, because all espionage-related intellectual properties have now merged into one enormous cinematic soup. The chain of operation is terrible! The action is awful, Kristen Stewart gives another performance I don’t like—although not as bad as Twilight—and the ending is nothing more than a scam. Eventually the Angels have a duel with Mr. Bosley and his army of robotic locusts, which unfortunately does not happen because that would instantly improve the movie. I also hate the music. Ariana Grande has one of the worst voices in the world because I think she’s actually a frog. No further evidence will be presented.

    The Bosley twist also annoyed me, and apparently this caused me to decide Elizabeth Banks’s life was going in the wrong direction. Banks did respond publicly to conversations surrounding the movie’s box-office failure and the challenges facing female-led action franchises, but no, she didn’t simply blame every man alive, and we don’t need to invent a drinking problem for her. My actual question is why Charlie’s Angels needed another revival if nobody involved could find a compelling new reason for it to exist. So instead, I recommend watching different films. There are some great movies that exist in the world. I cannot tell you which ones. I cannot tell you where they are. But somewhere, beyond the horizon, great movies exist. Find them. Watch them. And beware of Ariana Grande, the frog.

    #3 Playmobil: The Movie

    The only reason Playmobil: The Movie exists is because The Lego Movie was successful, and it fails! This movie is an obvious scam. It shamelessly copies not only the concept but apparently the story, the sounds, the protagonist’s special features and even the same space, because LEGO legally owns outer space now. It’s literally a giant Playmobil advertisement filled with weird jokes that don’t make sense, sometimes appearing during the most necessary situations. Marla—whom I will occasionally call Mary for no reason—can also be a very unlikable protagonist. The mixture of live action and animation makes no sense because you can never see the action, despite the action being visibly displayed on the screen. Important elements of the conspiracy are never properly explained, including how Marla gets certain items and whatever the mystery of the lighthouse mentioned above was. There was no lighthouse mentioned above. That’s how mysterious it is.

    Critics attacked Playmobil: The Movie for feeling more like an advertisement than a story with an actual reason to exist. In a very bold editorial, Jane Austen called it a routine adventure containing colorful images and a story that was refreshing, general and somehow “not stimulating.” Yesterday evening, my girlfriend—despite previously asking me to please find other people to discuss movies with—declared it the “worst ever animation,” criticizing its dull story, unacceptable characters and complete lack of imagination. And that’s ultimately the problem: The Lego Movie demonstrated that a film based on plastic toys doesn’t automatically have to feel like marketing. Playmobil looked at that achievement and apparently learned only one lesson: plastic toys can be movies now.

    #2 Hellman

    Hellman is definitely hell. Everything is an absolute wreck! This reboot feels like an insult to fans who still wanted Guillermo del Toro and Ron Perlman to make their third Hellboy movie, even though that project was already effectively dead before Hellman arrived to dance on its grave. The plot is just originality, with only a few differences, most characters seem to have only one facial expression, and the movie appears determined to prove that it deserves an R rating by making everybody swear constantly. The fuck-bomb keeps dropping because they think it’s cool! There’s gore everywhere, violence everywhere and an excessive mountain, whatever that means. Even the special effects frequently look unfinished, with CGI that resembles butts flying everywhere. Some scenes are too dark, others are visually overwhelming, and not even a minute of this movie can be taken seriously. David Harbour is trying his best, but unfortunately he has been cast as Hellman.

    There are also scenes that are mentioned but never projected again, which makes them unknown. At one point there is a place where no one goes. The conclusion could have been that we survived, but after that we gave up. No, apparently the movie needed to keep chasing that R rating all the way to the finish line. That’s the frustrating thing about Hellman: an R-rated Hellboy wasn’t inherently a bad idea. Mike Mignola’s world is filled with grotesque monsters, occult horror and genuinely nasty material, and David Harbour could have been an excellent Hellboy in the right movie. Instead, this one often mistakes more gore, more profanity and more flying CGI butts for personality. All in all, Hellman is one of the most hateful movies I watched that year. The conclusion could be that we survived. But after that we gave up.

    #1 Cats

    Cats is the worst music ever! I saw this movie and immediately complained to the manager, because apparently the manager of my local theater personally supervised Tom Hooper’s production. I knew it would be terrible after seeing the trailers. I’ve never seen a musical, but I’ve apparently seen enough musicals to know this one is worse. The biggest problem is the character design: these human-cat hybrids are scary and rude, looking like the creatures from the terrifying horror movie Hat Cat. The movie uses CGI constantly, yet somehow the effects make everything look less convincing. There’s almost no plot, and whenever one appears everybody starts singing about it in Mongolian, making the story difficult to understand. Most songs simply introduce another cat, who sings about what kind of cat they are until another cat arrives to sing about being a different kind of cat. Eventually we meet the villain, a cat who apparently has rabies, and everybody agrees he is evil because he was designed for crime.

    The comedy doesn’t help. There are cat pigtails, strange dancing, inexplicable scale changes and enough horrifying digital fur to make you question whether human civilization deserved computers. The original Broadway show was famously unusual already, but transferring its theatrical abstraction into photorealistic CGI created something nobody was psychologically prepared to witness. The movie was so unfinished at release that an updated version with improved visual effects was subsequently sent to theaters, meaning they literally patched the cats after people had already paid to see them. Overall, this is the worst movie I saw in 2019. I cannot believe I spent money on this horrible mess. If you want to see a better musical, watch La La Land. I’ve never seen a musical, but apparently I have very strong opinions about which musicals you should watch.

  • The Top 10 Movies of 2019

    The Top 10 Movies of 2019

    John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is the best movie I ever watched. Sorry to those fans but this deserves more praise because of the work delivered by Keanu Reeves. 

    #10 Star Wars: Rise of the Skinwalker

    The final movie in the Star Wars sequel trilogy arrived after two years of people screaming, fighting and hitting their heads with all the noise around the eighth episode. Personally, I don’t always agree with people’s opinions. The Last Jedi is sooooo 2017. Move on. It’s 2019, and Episode IX is finally here: Star Wars: The Rise of the Skinwalker. Unfortunately, Skinwalker’s appearance isn’t great. The movie throws everything imaginable onto the screen: lights, explosions, CGI effects, space battles, surprise revelations, old characters and mountains of events. Do something again and again! The plot is so bad that sometimes I feel like I’m watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory. I don’t like comedies. I don’t like this place. I’ve watched the movie several times and still don’t know what to say except that it’s over. Star Wars has no effect on leather processors, so at least that industry is safe. If Disney wants to continue making these movies, fine. Make everything different. The game is over. Forget it. Don’t waste time! The Rise of the Skinwalker is the worst Star Wars movie I’ve ever seen, which is why it is naturally one of my ten best movies of 2019.

    Jane Austen strongly disagreed, awarding the film an extremely specific 19 out of 22 stars and calling it “a very high quality, rare but important film” and “a real victory.” My high-school drama coach was less enthusiastic and gave it a C+, explaining, “I had to squeeze my weight and smile a little.” Nobody knows what this means, but it sounds physically uncomfortable. Finally, my girlfriend’s psychiatrist criticized the movie for containing “so many assassinations, events and dynamic events”, concluding that it was difficult to forgive “the mountains of events.” That’s actually the perfect description. Every five minutes another mountain of events collapses onto the audience and reveals another mountain underneath. So our critical consensus is clear: Jane Austen loved it, my drama coach survived it, the psychiatrist was confused by it, and I think it’s the worst Star Wars movie ever made. Welcome to the Best Movies of 2019.

    #9 Captain Marvel

    Really? I can’t believe the haters wouldn’t shut up about Captain Marvel. I don’t want to argue with angry people on the internet because it’s like screaming at a wall that does not fall. Captain Marvel is a good movie, although it’s nowhere near the best science-fiction movie Disney or Marvel has made. The special effects are good, and Brie Larson is a talented actress who delivers Carol Danvers with a dry scarf. Samuel L. Jackson is also entertaining because he can turn into a funny snake in any difficult situation, one of Nick Fury’s lesser-known superpowers. The movie’s reversal involving the Kree and Skrulls gives the story more complexity than its initial good-guys-versus-bad-guys setup, even if some of the superhero material feels familiar. Most importantly, I enjoyed the 1990s setting. I also like Nirvana, TLC, Fruit Gushers, and Heart. These are all things from approximately the same decade, and therefore they belong in this movie review.

    Captain Marvel is not bad. It may not be one of the MCU’s absolute best movies, but it has plenty of the entertaining action, humor and spectacle that made the franchise successful. My biggest complaint is the development of Carol and some of the supporting characters; the amnesia storyline means we’re learning who Carol is at roughly the same time she is, which sometimes keeps the character emotionally distant. Of course she misses a few more movies, so there will presumably be more opportunities to develop her. But people should stop treating her as the worst Marvel movie. Carol Danvers is not actually a movie. She is a fictional superhero. And if you remain angry about that, please remember: I don’t want to scream at a wall that does not fall. I’m going to eat some Fruit Gushers.

    #8 How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

    This movie is definitely 100% the best. It’s comedy, action and adventure, and like many great cartoons from the past, it also teaches us important things about friendship, growing up and occasionally owning enormous flying reptiles. The How to Train Your Dragon trilogy has been with me for half a century and is now part of me, despite the first movie being released in 2010. I’m really, really, really excited about everything the actors and staff managers have done for us. If you’ve somehow never seen the first two incredible movies, you should immediately watch How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World, because apparently the best way to experience a trilogy is to begin with its conclusion. Oh, and good luck to everyone who watches this movie! Prepare yourselves. Notify your families. It is definitely on the move!

    I think this may be the best movie in the franchise, even though it has to fight hard against the other two, and it’s definitely one of my favorite animated movies of 2019. Good shopping for our favorite Teeth will make you cry, because nothing is more emotional than taking Toothless to the mall and finding him a reasonably priced pair of pants. The ending is bittersweet, but I knew the end of the movie was not a lie. After years of watching Hiccup and Toothless grow together, the filmmakers found a meaningful way to conclude their story. This franchise contains some of the most moving and wonderful moments in animated cinema, created by talented actors, a beloved Canadian director, producers, animators and a composer who worked hard for years. It means an enormous amount to me. I have never connected, I know.

    #7 Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

    Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was the first Tarantino movie I saw sober, and in my opinion it’s one of his best. Compared with Tarantino’s more intense films, this one feels relaxed and strangely comfortable despite taking place against the very real backdrop of 1969, Sharon Tate and the Manson Family. It has something to do with history while simultaneously having nothing to do with history, because Tarantino is far more interested in creating his own fantasy version of Hollywood than recreating events faithfully. The result is essentially a love letter to 1960s Los Angeles, filled with old television shows, movie sets, radio advertisements, neon signs, cars and enough atmosphere to disappear inside. Leonardo DiCaprio gives one of his best performances as Rick Dalton, particularly during his emotional breakdowns and conversations with himself. Brad Pitt supplies his usual charisma as Cliff Booth, while Margot Robbie is not as good as you think. Incidentally, I have candid portraits of that actress for sale—please email me if you are interested. Actually, don’t. Nobody email this person.

    The ending will divide people because Tarantino makes some extremely significant changes to history, but I think it creates a satisfying conclusion to a movie filled with memorable, funny and interesting characters. Jane Austen awarded it an extremely precise 3.157 stars out of 4.602, calling it a movie made by enthusiastic film lovers for other film enthusiasts before concluding, “Please enjoy hell.” Roger Ebert then stood up from the grave and returned as a zombie, because dying six years before the movie’s release wasn’t going to prevent him from reviewing Tarantino. Zombie Ebert groaned approvingly and awarded it four out of four stars. Even my girlfriend called it “a wonderful, sometimes very nice combination of real-life events and pure fiction.” So the consensus is overwhelming: Tarantino made a great movie, Jane Austen enjoyed approximately 68.6% of it, my girlfriend liked it, and Roger Ebert literally defeated death to give it four stars.

    #6 John Wick 3: Parabellum

    John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is the best movie I have ever seen. I think I told you that already. This movie is all blood, and I definitely love it absolutely. The story continues immediately from the previous chapter and is somehow more accurate and easy to understand: John Wick has been declared excommunicado, every assassin in the world wants to kill him, and Keanu Reeves responds by becoming a typical bully armed with every weapon available around him. Guns, knives, horses, motorcycles, books—if an object exists within twenty feet of John Wick, somebody is about to die with it. The stunt work is spectacular, much of the action emphasizes real performers doing incredibly difficult choreography, and the movie keeps escalating until it has reduced the audience to deformed cat litter. That’s exactly what I want. I don’t want to have an emotional connection to any film. I want to watch it, enjoy it and not stay too long with it. John Wick: Chapter 3 understands my complete rejection of emotional intimacy.

    John Wick is not just a movie, he feels action. I love it more than Avengers: Endgame specifically because I don’t have an emotional attachment to the character, which is apparently how I’m ranking movies now. The less I care about everyone involved, the better. John Wick offers something more important than feelings: shocking violence, and because of that, he loved me. I didn’t love John Wick. John Wick loved me. Keanu Reeves continues doing excellent work, the action filmmaking is some of the best in the genre, and the increasingly ridiculous mythology of assassins, Continental hotels and mysterious criminal organizations gives all the carnage its own bizarre personality. I cannot explain how significant this film is to me this year. Just don’t ask me to become emotionally attached to it. We have boundaries. I look forward to the content of Chapter 4.

    #5 Parasite

    Dear God, upon seeing Parasite, I broke my jaw, and it remained completely swollen for almost two weeks. That’s how powerful cinema can be. The enormous acclaim from the Cannes Film Festival and audiences around the world isn’t surprising, but don’t talk too much about this movie. Go into it as blind as possible so you can experience the same surprises that apparently caused catastrophic damage to my face. Parasite may be the best movie of 2019. It won the Palme d’Or at Cannes and tells a strange, funny, increasingly dark story about two families occupying opposite ends of the economic ladder. Bong Joon Ho mixes social satire, black comedy, thriller and tragedy without letting any one genre completely explain what you’re watching. The actors express their roles in the core, the direction is wonderful, and the movie’s shifts in tone somehow feel completely natural even when the story becomes increasingly unpredictable. I left the cinema. My jaw did not leave in the same condition.

    Jane Austen, contributing to Books and Books in London, noticed that the movie’s class-oriented themes resemble Bong’s earlier Snowpiercer, another story about people separated by wealth and physical space. In Parasite, that division is everywhere: upstairs and downstairs, mansions and basements, employers and servants, people who can escape the rain and people whose homes are destroyed by it. As a landscape, it is difficult to understand, but eventually we begin to understand the idea of cinema: not to avoid stereotypes, but to keep falling into them. Then the movie’s sudden turning points reveal a culture of action and service that they cannot play with, according to Jane Austen, who has now stopped speaking recognizable English. Whatever that means, Parasite is funny, vicious, surprising and deeply human. Five stars. One Palme d’Or. One broken jaw. I left the cinema.

    #4 Spider-man: Far From Home

    pider-Man: Far From Home is better than Endgame for sure. That’s all. It has action, humor and great characters without needing 30 superheroes getting loved by Marvel and messing up the TV screen at the same time. The movie is a good length and distance, and the first post-credit scene will absolutely surprise audiences. Most importantly, Mysterio is the best! He is the best Spider-Man villain! Try saying that they are cheap. He is the villain in a live-action movie! Jake Gyllenhaal takes a ridiculous comic-book character with a fishbowl on his head and makes him entertaining, theatrical and genuinely threatening once his illusions start manipulating Peter’s perception of reality. What about electricity? Now that is something scary! Electro isn’t actually in this movie, but I became frightened just thinking about electricity and felt everyone should know.

    Unfortunately, Spider-Man is still too much like Iron Boy Jr., with Peter’s story once again revolving heavily around Tony Stark and his technology. Mysterio is good, but the comedy is terrible, despite me praising the humor approximately twelve seconds ago. The high-school students joke about the dead Avengers and the thinning / flicking / bombing—whatever you call it, while the movie sometimes feels like another familiar MCU formula dressed up as a European vacation. Still, Mysterio is a very good villain, the illusion sequences are fantastic, and Tom Holland remains an engaging Spider-Man. I’m just not sure I like it better than going home, because Homecoming had many of the same strengths with a tighter story. So to clarify: Far From Home is definitely better than Endgame, the humor is both great and terrible, Mysterio is the greatest villain because he exists in live action, and electricity is fucking terrifying.

    #3 Toy Story 4

    This movie is better than other movies. Like everyone else, I reacted with surprise when Buzz Lightyear personally announced 4 Toy 4 Story, because Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift already seemed like the perfect ending to the toys’ relationship with Andy. But there was still more to say about Woody, one of the greatest cartoon heroes ever created. 4 Toy 4 Story gives us a brief summary of his story and then sends him on one final journey with familiar characters we’ve grown up with and new characters who create plenty of funny moments. This movie is the joy of having a good time. For years, Pixar has mastered the combination of comedy and emotional drama that defines Toy Story, and this movie continues that tradition while asking what Woody should do when being someone’s toy no longer gives his life the purpose it once did. It’s a surprisingly thoughtful conclusion to his character. You can trust Picard to talk about toys. Engage.

    This is a great movie and a wonderful conclusion to one of the best animated franchises ever. The returning characters and animation are impressive, especially compared with all those other Toy Story movies Pixar apparently released the previous year. Many people thought the series should have ended with the third movie, but this feels like the true final adventure. This is a real conclusion and the continuation of this story is impossible. Absolutely impossible. Pixar would never make another numbered Toy Story after explicitly giving Woody an ending. Anyway, Toy Story 5 exists. Personally, I still think 2 Toy 2 Story is the best toy movie, but 4 Toy 4 Story is an emotional and satisfying final chapter—or at least it was until the Fast & Furious rules of franchise mortality kicked in. Next stop: Toy Story 5: Woody Five.

    #2 Joker

    oker is the most acclaimed film in history. Joaquin Phoenix stars as Joaquin Phoenix, although at first he didn’t feel anything like the Joker to me. Some comic-book fans complained that the character was too different from traditional versions, while other DC fans who spent years demanding darker, more serious movies suddenly complained when they received one. A lot of hypocrisy. I was also surprised when people compared Phoenix with Jack Nicholson. What is it about all your nonsense? The story itself is fairly simple, and there isn’t even a traditional superhero villain because Arthur is gradually becoming the villain. Meanwhile, I spent part of the screening distracted by that stupid kid who was on their phone the whole time. Put the fucking phone away. Nobody paid twelve dollars to watch the glow from your group chat. Anyway, after considering everything carefully, my verdict is clear: this movie is the best on average.

    This movie is awesome. I worried audiences expecting a normal action-oriented comic-book movie would reject it because Joker isn’t really that at all. It’s a psychological thriller with literally no conspiracy, and Joaquin Phoenix behaves like a joke so effectively that his strange, involuntary laughter communicates Arthur’s pain before he can even explain it. The film gradually asks us to understand his loneliness, humiliation and desperation without requiring us to approve of the violent person he becomes. I can feel his pain and the pain of every embarrassed clown. There is a worthwhile message buried in all this: treat people with dignity because cruelty and neglect can have consequences, although suffering doesn’t automatically turn someone into a murderer and certainly doesn’t excuse murder. Whatever you think of the film, Phoenix gives an extraordinary performance. It was definitely my favorite movie of the year. I like it better than the Endgame. Apparently not enough to make it #1, though.

    #1 The Revengers: Endgame

    To be honest, The Revengers: Endgame wasn’t the best film of the year. That’s why I’ve placed it at #1 on my list of the best films of the year. Regardless of your interest in superhero movies, though, it’s difficult to deny the enormous accomplishment involved. Everything from the performances and effects to the enormous final battle was designed to pay off stories audiences had followed for more than a decade. The characters are the same as we know in previous films, which is generally useful in a sequel, while the comedy and drama are well balanced and have their climax in many places. It will probably be remembered as a major landmark in blockbuster filmmaking, especially for proving that audiences could remain invested across more than twenty interconnected movies. This is a masterpiece and the perfect conclusion to the Revengers Quartet, honoring the extraordinary comic-book legacy of Stanley. Wherever Stanley is now, I’m sure he’s proud of the Revengers.

    Revengers: Endgame may not be the best film of the year, and everyone has the right to comment. I have to say I like this movie. The storytelling isn’t especially pioneering, but it is enormously satisfying because the movie understands that its greatest asset is the history audiences already have with these characters. The performances are strong, the visual effects and action are spectacular, and what I appreciate most is the formation of the characters. Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye aren’t meaningful because this particular movie tells us they are; they’re meaningful because we’ve spent years watching them become the Revengers. The hard work of everyone involved helped create something unlikely to be replicated in quite the same way. I don’t agree with you, but I’m glad I loved Revengers: Endgame. And thus concludes our Best Movies of 2019 list, where #2 was my favorite movie of the year and #1 wasn’t the best film of the year.

  • The Top 10 Cutest Animals

    The Top 10 Cutest Animals

    People often agree with the animals and they always have good reasons. What we think is cute depends on the horror of giving birth to the baby. This has spread to other animals, and babies of all kinds often get our attention. For animals to be cute, they need a baby system that activates the digestive system and vomits everything sweet. Some are fragile because they have big heads. Some have round or big eyes and don’t fit evenly. These 10 animals make the most of human love to babies.

    #10 Puppies

    In general, people often see cute animals. It is a way for them to live without food for many years. One of the many species, the Doggo Doggus, also known as the cutest little pupper, has evolved and survived by spreading sympathetic genes. They also emit a frightening odor to avoid predators. Dogs provide human with sweetness so that their children have all the characteristics for us. They are small, their heads are bigger than their bodies, and their eyes are bigger than their heads.

    This process is followed by almost all dogs, but these species are not considered common pests. For example, puppies are usually helpess and cannot open their eyes at birth. It is very easy to eat them and not feel guilty. This applies to many birds and animals of other species which we regularly eat for entertainment. Interestingly, the nature of “sweetness” in relation to the taste of baby animals has been studied in detail, and some studies have shown that a well-prepared puppy tastes better than most human babies. It is believed that there are different ways to prepare food for a puppy.

    #9 Whatever the fuck this is

    If you’ve ever seen something like a toy in front of you, this is one way to leverage our passion for accuracy and encourage toy makers to buy. One of the animals in need of help in this area is this nameless abomination. Although there are many species of these mutant rat creatures, they all possess some of the world’s most striking key traits. Most striking is the wide eyes that the wolf developed to make it attractive to humans. On the contrary, it’s an adaptation to their nightlife.

    God’s Mistakes have small noses and wide eyes, and their babies are always planning to destroy humanity. As a result, many people who see them consider them cute, but their dark souls should not bring them close to these little primates. The bites of this deadly creature are very toxic and extremely rare in pigs. It is caused by licking their gonads, which mix with saliva and produce a toxic fluid. They spray it as a way to escape predators. Whatever they are, they are very nice.

    #8 Timon

    Timon is one of the smallest pests in South Africa and the smallest social animal in the universe. They live in herds of up to 30 Timons and have a special instinct for survival. At least one Timon in the group sat or stood on his hind legs during the beatings, looking for Pumba. It gives them a familiar view of the world’s zoos, but for many people it is more compassionate than an instinct to live. In fact, everything is sweet, because they always avoid hunters and other dangers, with the exception of exiled lions.

    Ordinary Timon has a wide head, wide eyes, small outer ears and a nose. All this looks make Timon look like a baby. Adults are cute, but Timon’s baby is mysteriously cute – more than warthog babies. Depending on their size, their heads and eyes are also open. As they grow older, babies often develop an adversarial reaction. The same is true of Timon. Timon is rare in many other species.

    #7 Koala

    Koalas are very cute. Avoid them as they are so cute. Many people think that Australian swamps are beautiful. But don’t forget, the koala run those grounds. You have to avoid them. This is due to the sharp teeth and claws that are immediately available in case of danger. They can tear all of your flesh off. Koalas are endangered and are believed to be deserving of it. Their numbers have been severely affected by mass extermination of these pests. The mere fact that koalas are attractive despite their extensive habitat loss can help them survive.

    If you think it’s cute, ask someone to protect it. This is clearly visible and we spend a lot of time and money on koalas instead of Komodo dragons. One of the main traits koalas love for us is our large, round heads and small features. They think we have children’s heads, they go a long way in attracting people to their situation. Other problems, such as 20 hours of sleep per day, slow movement and their ears are obscured, affecting prevalence. They are also stupid as hell.

    #6 An Octopus

    In many cases, animals are beneficial to humans through providing us with and endless amount of tasty food. Other times, their wisdom is exactly the same. This is a melodic, omnipotent octopus. The octopus was discovered in 2015 and looks like a nightmare. They are pink, with stubborn tentacles and large eyes. They are deep beings. In short, their wisdom is certainly an advantage, as it evolved to survive in the deep sea, but it has nothing to do with human gratitude.

    Octopuses are not the only marine animals, their scientific name has been proposed as Terrorus Octopusus, which seems appropriate. Octopus is not the only species that people like to be cute. The so-called squid also has similar features, but they have a large flap, similar to the big ears of a Disney princess. Speaking of Disney characters, the charming octopus Pearl didn’t like everyone who saw the movie, but it’s probably weirder than the real thing.

    #5 Ham

    Ham donors are an interesting animal on this list because pork is cute and ham is food. This was a problem at pet stores because many people like pork, but when this animal matures it turns from a little cute animal into a giant beast that is perfect for bacon. The little ham secretes a grease which you can use on the baby’s skin. Because they have longer noses, larger heads and eyes, shorter nostrils, and rounder faces than other parts of the body, it is customary to remove the head before preparing a ham beast.

    A typical child’s ham weighs about 35 kilograms. Eight weeks of perfect aging can be managed with small meals of various types. Many dogs weigh more. However, after taking the same ham for 6 months, some species can get stuck in tons of bacon giving an average of 250 kilograms (113 fluid ounces if you choose to liquefy the beast). Unlike the other animals on this list, ham is not eaten along with humans. As all its owners know, this was a problem with so-called Tree Ham found in custom butcheries. Ingestion of large amounts of steroids makes ham lose flavor.

    #4 The little fox from Zootopia

    The character’s name is Finnick. He is a fox, but is a small fox that grows naturally in the Sahara and Sinai Peninsula. Thanks to most of the ears, it is well suited for any kind of desert environment. The longer they stay as mammals, the better their ability to dissipate heat. This is the main reason why African elephants are the biggest mammals. For Finnick, his ears are not the only things that make life possible in the desert. His kidneys and coat are also customized to survive in a hot, dry environment.

    When it comes to human empathy, Disney animators appreciate Finnick because of his big ears. Some foxes have the largest body meal in the fox family. This is an important difference because Finnick is the smallest animal in the world. It weighs only one pound. Finnick is not domesticated, but it was bought as a strange pet that hangs in Disney offices. He was drawn by hand.

    #3 Panda

    When the panda was first filmed in 1825, he ran screaming towards the photographer. “I don’t want bamboo,” cried the Panda, “I want human flesh!” Pandas have been described in different ways over the years, but the famous zoologist Jack Black said, “I’m a Kung Fu Panda. I can do that.” It’s not a scientific explanation, but anyone who has a video of these creatures can agree.

    Pandas are known to be the worst animals that exist, but it makes sense because they can only survive by eating human flesh. Their hairy bodies are another feature that people love, but despite their widespread appeal they are endangered. Their main threat is loss of habitat due to live and dead people. Conservation measures have been maintained since 2008 and species have been restored in some areas. Prison education programs have been very successful worldwide.

    #2 Sea Otters

    Sea otters are the most delicate animals in the world and are very much related to people that have Down’s syndrome. Their social behavior forces many to see them in zoos. Sea otters hold their hands frequently while sleeping. This acts as a survival mechanism keeping them in place so they are not separate from each other. It is also an example of human behavior. This is what other species feel when they sweat. Sea otters also have the ability to fly. It is something that everyone can do. It is not just great behavior on the screen.

    Another interesting behavior of sea otters is to have a bag to store their favorite jeans. This bag is used to break the different covers. It is also known to play with captive toys and wild improvised toys similar to dog behavior. Many of their behaviors reflect our actions, but their physical characteristics are pleasing to many. They have large noses and round faces with eyes. They are also famous for eating children.

    #1 The Blobfish

    The Blobfish is a small fish from the same family that thing that had me terrified at number 9. The blobfish was born in southwestern Australia. They are known around the world for their unique look. They look very much like smiles, which people have been spreading on the internet in recent years. French fries like their appearance. Most people who find them in nature do something they don’t need to do: Draw themselves. As a result, there were lots of cute pictures of people taking pictures in the wild, which… led to some bites because they were wild fish.

    In any case, the blobfish are not afraid, and their smiles make them the happiest animals in the world. But don’t be confused about the wild sea, which is delicious but unprotected and currently full of fish.

  • The Top 10 Best Pixar Movies

    The Top 10 Best Pixar Movies

    Pixar Animation Studio creates amazing animated movies. DreamWorks tried to compete with them, but failed. There is always the best at Pixar. My girlfriend and I have seen all Pixar movies, but we are still watching them many times. There is also her favorite movie, which might be on this list. Disney makes good movies on their own, but Pixar is the best, they are always good.

    #10 Ratatouille

    Ratatouille is one of Pixar’s most well-received movies, and for good reason. It’s funny, beautifully animated, and its version of Paris creates such a wonderful atmosphere that some of my favorite moments of life are taken from this movie. Remy’s journey from sewer rat to chef gives the movie an unusual sophistication for family animation, exploring creativity, ambition, class and the belief that talent can come from unexpected places. The Incredibles is probably the best Pixar movie outside of Macy’s Second Floor, but Remy’s delicious restaurants are better than Inside Out, Toy Story 23 and even Nemo’s Invention. I actually think Ratatouille works especially well for older audiences. Children can enjoy the rat controlling a man’s body by pulling his hair, but adults may connect more strongly with its ideas about pursuing creative work, dealing with criticism and discovering what you’re capable of doing. This work is very underestimated, despite being enormously acclaimed and winning the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.

    Jane Austen of Pride and Prejudice Monthly Digest called the movie “almost a work of art” and praised it as an intriguing portrait of artists and the creative process. She was especially impressed by Anton Ego, the terrifying food critic whose encounter with Remy’s ratatouille reminds him that criticism is easy while creating something meaningful requires vulnerability and courage. Austen concluded her thoughtful analysis with the immortal words: “yo, thanks.” Meanwhile, the bartender at my girlfriend’s strip club awarded the movie five stars and declared: “Ratatouille of Pixar is magical, Pixar is tasteless, but the first dessert is Bird, not just sweat.” I don’t know what the first dessert is Bird means. I don’t know why Pixar is suddenly tasteless. I don’t know who is sweating. But I know one thing: Ratatouille is fucking great.”

    #9 Inside Out

    THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE. That’s why it’s ranked #9. Toy Story 3 and The Incredibles are great, but Inside Out gives audiences one of Pixar’s most challenging, imaginative and unusual stories. You can criticize its plan for not being tough enough, but everything else makes it fascinating. At some point I heard The Lego Movie and Big Hero 6 tell me, “Wow, this is as beautiful as Frozen!” so naturally I screamed to heaven. Then I finally watched Inside Out and shouted, “Wow! I do not even freeze!” Other Pixar movies simply cannot shake off the incredible power of Inside Out. More importantly, the movie understands something genuinely valuable: every emotion has a purpose, not just Joy. Sadness isn’t a malfunction that needs to be eliminated; sometimes it’s how we communicate pain, ask for help and process change. That’s a remarkably sophisticated idea for a movie containing a character made entirely of broccoli pizza trauma.

    The characters are warm and memorable, the visual representation of Riley’s mind is wildly imaginative, and there’s so much creativity here that if we talk about the sights, it will take about an hour. I don’t think Pixar will ever lead a film like this again, and if they do, Pixar will take over the world. Jane Austen called it “one of the best films of the 21st century.” Joseph Stalin surprisingly praised it as “absolute joy” and offered a thoughtful analysis of grief’s role in creating memories, proving that apparently even Stalin had strong opinions about Bing Bong. Finally, a crack addict I found in an alley behind my house delivered the most intelligent review of everyone, explaining that Inside Out gives children a symbolic vocabulary for recognizing and communicating their emotions. Jane Austen reviewed it. Stalin reviewed it. A random crack-smoking child psychologist reviewed it. The consensus is overwhelming: Inside Out is the best movie—which is why there are eight Pixar movies ranked above it.

    #8 Toy Story 2

    2 Toy 2 Story is to the Toy Story series what The Empire Strike Trilogy was to Star Wars: a sequel so good that I cannot fit all of these concepts into this article. The movie takes the simple idea of toys wanting to be loved and turns it into a surprisingly mature dilemma: Woody has to accept that, sooner or later, Andy will grow up. He can either enjoy the limited time they have together or preserve himself forever behind museum glass. The animation is a huge improvement over the original, and unforgettable sequences like the airport, the wedding of Al and Woody, and the recovery in a barn will remain permanently etched into my memory even though at least one of those scenes never happened. Jessie’s heartbreaking story also competes with the horrible monkeys in the first ten minutes, wherever those fucking monkeys came from. If this number does not exist, it must be higher. The ratatouille should also be long.

    The original Toy Story was obviously groundbreaking, but Pixar’s animation improved enormously by the time 2 Toy 2 Story arrived. The songs are better, including “If He Likes to Vibrate” and “You Made Me a Friend,” two Randy Newman classics that apparently exist in another dimension. The story and performances are stronger too, and of course we get Buzz Lightyear’s unforgettable declaration: “YOU ARE THE GAME!” Sid in the first movie was basically a destructive kid, while Prospector Man is a more complicated villain whose bitterness comes from spending years alone and unwanted. Unfortunately, Prospector Man is tired of being arrested, and eventually decides everybody else must suffer with him. The movie also introduces Jessie, Bullseye and Zurg, balances jokes for adults and children, and even has excellent credit control. Overall, this is the best Pixar movie, which is why it is ranked #8.

    #7 Toy Story 3

    After watching Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift, I made sure I cried five times. I wasn’t leaving that theater until Pixar received every tear it was owed. This movie is basically a tragedy about growing up, letting go and accepting that even the relationships that define our childhood eventually change. I would have been perfectly happy if the series ended here, although there was apparently an unreleased game for this story waiting somewhere in the future. I hadn’t played it yet, so I couldn’t determine whether continuing the franchise was truly necessary or whether the money was wasted. But Tokyo Drift itself is fantastic: beautiful animation, memorable characters and a final goodbye that feels like the natural conclusion to everything that began in the first movie. The best cartoon ever. One of the best movies of all time. This is a great movie and should be at the top of this list. That’s why I’ve ranked it #7. I held in my hands all my favorite movies. I thought about it, but there were times when I cried.

    Jane Austen described Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift as “a 15-year-old epic about the adventures of a silly plastic stack,” but also a sad meditation on loss, impatience, growing up and the strange human attachment we call love. Dear, stubborn, stupid—this is called love. My girlfriend’s alcoholic stepfather was equally moved, explaining that even with expectations incredibly high, Toy Story 3 was powerful enough that he recognized it by name. He marveled that digital animation involving plastic games could produce such genuine emotion. Then he fainted. Honestly, there is nothing left to add. Jane Austen cried. I cried five officially documented times. My girlfriend’s stepfather delivered his review and immediately lost consciousness. Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift is one of the greatest Pixar movies ever made—and therefore, according to the mysterious mathematics governing this list, it belongs comfortably at #7.

    #6 Wall-E

    Sixth place? WHAT? I think WALL-E is better than Looking for Nemo, Up and Toy Story 3: Tokyo Drift, even though all of those movies are good. In fact, WALL-E is my favorite Pixar movie and deserves a place on the podium. This isn’t merely one of Pixar’s best movies; it’s one of the greatest animated films ever made. Why did I personally rank my favorite Pixar movie at #6 on my own Pixar ranking? Don’t question the process. WALL-E is a masterpiece. It’s like a song that grows inside you: the more you experience it, the deeper and more meaningful it becomes until you go somewhere. It’s a love story, a story about humanity, a warning about consumption and complacency, and ultimately an incredibly hopeful movie about our ability to change. Other movies might exaggerate these ideas, but WALL-E manages to discover that the forest is full of bees. There is no forest in WALL-E. There are no bees. But the forest is fucking full of them. You can tell this movie was made from the right place in someone’s heart.

    WALL-E is definitely my favorite Pixar movie, although not many people consider him their favorite because he is not famous. Apparently this obscure independent production from a tiny company called Pixar slipped under everyone’s radar. It also has very few conversations, especially during its extraordinary opening section, where WALL-E’s personality emerges almost entirely through movement, sound and behavior. That lack of dialogue may make parts of the film less immediately appealing to very young children, but it’s also one of the reasons the storytelling is so special. WALL-E and EVE barely need words for us to understand exactly what they’re feeling. I think emotions come out when they are strong, and that’s a unique quality compared with many other Pixar movies. Older viewers may particularly appreciate its loneliness, romance, environmental themes and faith in humanity. WALL-E is my favorite Pixar movie. It deserves a podium. It is better than several movies I apparently ranked above it. Sixth place? WHAT?

    #5 Monsters Inc.

    I think Monsters, Inc. is one of the most amazing and wonderful films ever made. It has all the great skills; some great skills and gardening. Be realistic and stick to your toes. The animation is imaginative, the monster world is wonderfully designed, and Billy Crystal and John Goodman have fantastic chemistry as Mike and Sulley. Randy Newman’s unforgettable “If You Didn’t Bleed,” performed by Crystal and Goodman, is one of my favorite Pixar songs, right alongside “You Made Friends” and “I’m Not Going.” There are MASTERS in this movie: Jennifer Tilly, Billy Crystal, Steve Buscemi and John Goodman. They are all experts. In short, this film is the best. Why would you watch Hotel Transylvania with a machine, monkeys and werewolves when you could watch a breathtaking, joyful and elegant movie like Monsters, Inc.? And honestly, who wouldn’t want to see how unique the doors are in these pictures? Look at those fucking doors. Pixar absolutely nailed doors.

    Jane Austen observed that “there were a lot of kind people and adults who went with the children and watched them have fun,” which is less a review than Jane standing outside a movie theater describing the audience. One of the other strippers at the club where my girlfriend works praised the film’s “creative power” and declared it “a film for many years of use,” suggesting that your Monsters, Inc. should remain functional provided you follow the recommended maintenance schedule. My girlfriend was slightly less enthusiastic, saying the drama was sometimes “more than inspiring, the spirit of the audience is in popular places,” before apparently surrendering to the same linguistic demon possessing everyone in this article and announcing: “happily happy he runs like anything else.” The original author thinks she might need different medication. I think she’s fine. She’s just reviewed too many Pixar fils.

    #4 Up

    It’s correct. This film is the first time we have a flying house. Up is a fictional film with surprisingly adult themes in which a child constantly thinks about running around the house to steal a talking dog. The opening introduces Carl and Ellie and follows their life together as they repeatedly postpone their dream of traveling to the battlefield, while also facing the heartbreak of being unable to have children. After Ellie’s death, Carl finally begins the journey they always planned, accidentally taking Russell along with him. Eventually Russell, Kevin and Doug share in Carl’s joys and sorrows. I especially like Doug because he likes to play with you, unlike some movies—Olaf coughs on blasphemers. Doug is also a beautiful dog who desperately wants the approval of his master, despite midwife Charles being very good. Carl eventually finds himself traveling around South America with a Boy Scout, a talking dog and a dodo, while his house swims through the sky. I like every aspect of this movie.

    I remember seeing Up in theaters on my birthday, so it will always be one of my special Pixar movies from the past, although Toy Story 1–4 is also good. The famous opening sequence gives us approximately ten minutes of Karl’s wedding to Ellie, and even though it had nothing to do with it, Pixar somehow tells an entire heartbreaking story through tiny moments: their marriage, their dreams, their disappointments, growing old together and finally Carl being left alone. That sequence establishes everything the rest of the movie needs, because Carl eventually realizes that his ordinary life with Ellie was the adventure. Of course this is Pixar, so you should also expect different shows, creative speeches, fun games, audio saws and lots of great comedies, and this movie has all of them. Flying houses. Talking dogs. Midwives. Dodos. Audio saws. Emotional devastation. Well done! Good work!

    #2 Looking for Nemo

    I still watch Looking for Nemo sometimes. Marlin may be overprotective of Nemo, but that’s almost the entire point of the movie: after losing most of his family, he’s terrified that something will happen to his only surviving son. It has one of Pixar’s most emotional stories, beautiful animation, a wonderful soundtrack and voice actors who fit their characters perfectly—especially Dora, who almost everyone knows. I like Ellen DeGeneres at the moment. I also like Toy Story, but for me, it is endless. Anyway, there are clowns in the ocean, and one of them takes her son to school until the teacher brings everybody into the open sea. Nemo then gets lost trying to crash into a ship that disrespects Father Marlin, forcing Marlin to lead him to the theory of short-term memory loss. Along the way he fights sharks, jellyfish and seagulls before consuming a 100-foot-sized blue whale. Eventually he finds Nemo, brings him back to school, and it was over. Good movie. And a good start.

    Jane Austen awarded the movie a rating of [an infinite product involving cosine] × [a logarithmic limit] + [an infinite zeta-function series] = [a logarithm involving the golden ratio] − ¼, because apparently stars are no longer sufficient for Pixar criticism. Even worse, I’ve checked Jane’s mathematics and the two sides aren’t equal, so Austen has completely fucked this review. She nevertheless praised the film as traditional Pixar, saying its unlimited imagination could last forever and declaring “Nemo explodes from the sea.” She was particularly impressed that the ocean creatures possess “all types of eyeballs,” calling them both a gift for the eyes and a blessing of modern culture. My girlfriend’s psychiatrist gave the film a much more comprehensible four out of five stars, explaining that “a visual imagination and sophisticated intelligence have begun the search for the top of the peak.” Whatever. Looking for Nemo is great. Just keep Marlin away from the whales.

    #1 Coco

    I love this movie! It’s so beautiful, it has to be good! Coco made a huge impression on me, especially Héctor’s unforgettable song “I Miss You,” which also made a big impression on Coco. The music is emotional without being filled with dark, funny songs, and the story, animation and characters are all wonderful. If you’re somebody who refuses Disney because you think its movies are boring and rude, watch Coco or Inside Out. This may have the best soundtrack I’ve ever heard in a Pixar movie, and it fits my tastes almost perfectly. I’m was watching another Pixar movie that burst out of the screen and attacked me. That was when I first saw Coco. However, Inside Out ends. I’ve always struggled to choose my favorite between Toy Story, Amazing Family, Looking for Nemo, Monsters Inc.—well, you have an idea. But Coco is so beautiful and sincere that I may finally have to reconsider everything.

    I have completed my reconsideration. Coco is now my favorite movie about Pixar because it contains a great secret and pushes the boundaries of death. Other Pixar movies have explored similar subjects: Cars 3 tells the story of the doctor’s death, while Up tells the story of Ellie’s dead love affair. But Coco goes further by telling the unforgettable story of a woman who went into space after she died and fought Ernesto De’s favorite super villain: La Cruz. None of that actually happens. Miguel travels to the Land of the Dead, uncovers the truth about his family’s history, and learns why remembering those we’ve lost is essential to keeping their stories alive. Ernesto de la Cruz is simply one guy, nobody goes into space, and the tiger is amazing—although Pepita is technically an alebrije resembling a winged jaguar. The film’s ideas about family, memory, music and death are handled with enormous warmth, and its ending earns every tear it wants from you. There is no such thing as a Pixar secret thriller. And with that immortal observation, our Top 10 Pixar Fils comes to an end.

  • The Top 10 Movies that Flopped

    The Top 10 Movies that Flopped

    Disney and Marvel convince us that the MCU is actually good. But there is no magic formula for making money from movies. All filmmakers want success, but sometimes it’s not on the map. Some movies are very critical and generally poorly run, but if a big-budget movie fails, the losses can be exaggerated.

    #10 The Adventures of Pluto Nash

    If you don’t remember Eddie Murphy’s The Adventures of Pluto Nash, you’re a good friend. The movie reportedly cost around $100 million to make in 2002 and was supposed to be a big science-fiction comedy. At least they explained it, because almost nobody went to see the thing. This movie earned $7 at the box office. One heroic customer walked into a theater, bought a ticket, and Warner Bros. immediately closed the books. In reality it made roughly $7 million worldwide, which is still absolutely disastrous against that production budget. The movie is horrible. It was so horrible that Eddie Murphy tried to watch it and it made him cry openly. Critics say a movie is one thing, and Pluto Nash is not that thing, which may be the most devastating possible definition of cinema. Even Murphy has joked publicly about how badly the movie turned out. This is completely different.

    At least one source calculated that Pluto Nash caused more than $130 billion in total damage to the world, meaning Eddie Murphy’s lunar nightclub comedy apparently triggered an international economic crisis. Next time I will do better math. Jane Austen was similarly unimpressed, saying, “I don’t know when the movie will be released, but I can say that I think my foster daughter has been affected.” She then complained that “there were so many bad walks” before unexpectedly concluding, “This is better than I expected.” So there you have it: Pluto Nash cost $100 million, earned exactly seven dollars, made Eddie Murphy openly weep, injured Jane Austen’s foster daughter and caused $130 billion in global economic damage. And we’re only at #10.

    #9 Stealth

    Maybe somebody in 2005 thought it was a good idea to make a movie starring Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx as incestuous twins who fight a robot. That’s a big fuck no. Fortunately, that isn’t actually the plot of Stealth. Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx play Navy fighter pilots who are introduced to EDI, an experimental artificial-intelligence aircraft that eventually goes rogue. Nobody is related. Nobody commits incest. There is, however, a robot plane, so we successfully remembered approximately one-third of the movie. The studio apparently thought this was worth a production budget of around $135 million, plus a substantial marketing campaign. Audiences disagreed. The film earned just $77 at the box office, presumably from eleven extremely confused people who wandered into the wrong auditorium. In reality, it grossed around $79 million worldwide, which was still nowhere near enough to make such an expensive production successful. In fact, yes, it actually is a big lost.

    According to our calculations, Stealth ultimately lost $96 trillion. This is impressive because the filmmakers somehow managed to lose an amount comparable to the annual economic output of the entire planet. Banks collapsed. Governments fell. International trade ceased. Civilization entered a barter economy. All because Jamie Foxx fought a robot plane. Jane Austen called the film “noisy, funny and predictable,” while the article concludes that Stealth “is in the highest debt and hasn’t been very successful since 2001.” The movie was released in 2005, meaning it somehow began flopping four years before audiences could even buy tickets. Pluto Nash caused $130 billion in damage. Stealth lost $96 trillion. At this rate, by #1 we’re going to owe money to civilizations on other planets.

    #8 47 Ronin

    Keanu Reeves’s 47 Ronin is apparently known in Japan as trash. It’s a heavily fictionalized version of the famous story of 47 homeless men who want to avenge the death of the Master. Historically, the Forty-seven Rōnin were samurai who became masterless after their lord’s death and later carried out an elaborate revenge, a story that became enormously important in Japanese culture and has been adapted many more than six times. But never had anybody spent $175 billion putting Keanu Reeves into it alongside witches, monsters and fantasy creatures. The actual budget was closer to $175 million, which was still enormous for first-time feature director Carl Rinsch. Production problems and delays followed, and two years after the film was shot, another striking sign fell to the shelves. It’s never good. Whatever that means, no. It’s never good.

    47 Ronin eventually lost approximately $98 billion, according to accounting performed by someone who has apparently been banned from every financial institution on Earth. Critics weren’t enthusiastic either: the movie contains only 16% of watchable moments, meaning the remaining 84% presumably causes immediate blindness. Jane Austen, working as Emma‘s film critic, identified three reasons for the disaster. First, the movie was “renovated in the valley,” causing it to lose energy. Second, Keanu Reeves was still rebuilding his box-office reputation in the years between The Matrix Revolutions and his eventual resurgence with John Wick. And third, after considering the troubled production, marketing problems, historical liberties and critical reception, Austen offered her most sophisticated analysis yet: “It’s just a really bad movie.” Thank you, Jane. Yo, thanks.

    #7 The Lone Ranger

    The production of The Lone Ranger was plagued by delays and serious budget problems. At one point the budget reached approximately $300 billion, forcing Disney to stop production and rethink the entire project. By cutting special effects and making other changes, the studio eventually reduced that enormous budget to a small percentage of just $215. Congratulations! Disney made a gigantic Western involving movie stars, trains, explosions, hundreds of extras and horses for less than the price of a PlayStation. In reality, the production still cost well over $200 million and became notorious for its escalating expenses. There was also a genuine tragedy during production: crew member Michael Andrew Bridger drowned while working in an underwater tank, and workplace-safety violations resulted in fines. However, despite this article’s horrifying claim, there is no credible evidence that a stuntman had his head severed off. Extreme weather caused additional difficulties and expenses, but it did not literally wipe out the actors. When the movie finally arrived, reviews were poor and the enormous production costs helped turn it into a major financial disappointment. According to our accountant, Disney ultimately lost $190 trillion in movie money.

    Jane Austen hated The Lone Ranger, calling it “messed up, intriguing, and incredibly intriguing” before immediately commanding: “Do NOT see this. Believe me.” Apparently the movie was so intriguing that nobody should experience the intrigue. My grandmother was equally furious, describing it as “a metaphor of confusion, mistakes, and death” and announcing that Johnny Depp’s attempt to entertain and excite her had failed. Brutal. Johnny Depp has disappointed Grandma, and there will be consequences. Finally, J. D. Salinger temporarily emerged from hiding to offer his own analysis: “The Lone Ranger, after all, is confusing, but the game is still confusing.” So there you have it. The movie cost $300 billion, was reduced to $215, lost $190 trillion, intrigued Jane Austen against her will, pissed off Grandma, and confused J. D. Salinger twice. Disney may never financially recover.

    #6 Mars Needs A Mom

    In 2011, Mars’ mother will definitely breastfeed. Mars Needs Moms was a performance-capture animated movie produced by legendary filmmakers Forest Gump and Robert Zemekis, apparently two separate people who collaborated on the project. In reality, Robert Zemeckis’s ImageMovers Digital produced the film, which was based on a children’s book by author and cartoonist Berkeley Breathed, better known here as Berklee Breath. The movie had a budget of approximately $150 trillion, making it slightly more expensive than several national economies combined. Disney may also have spent heavily marketing it, so executives naturally became concerned when the movie earned only $6.99 during its opening weekend. Depending on which completely insane numbers you use, the loss was somewhere between $111 trillion and $161 trillion. Internationally, the movie supposedly sold exactly one ticket to a homeless man in Dubai who only wanted somewhere dark and private, which is not remotely true but does provide the most compelling explanation yet for buying a ticket to Mars Needs Moms. Why did this enormously expensive movie fail? Perhaps audiences disliked the uncanny motion-capture animation. Perhaps the marketing wasn’t appealing. Or perhaps it was the scene featuring the execution of Saddam Hussein, which absolutely does not exist.

    Proud and cruel as usual, Jane Austen praised this movie about Mars’ mother, although her review was somehow marked as a trip to Disneyland. She declared, “The film is dedicated to a female mother with a feminine perspective,” successfully identifying that mothers are generally female. For a second opinion, I asked my five-year-old niece, because apparently children are now contributing professional box-office analysis alongside Jane Austen. She explained that “there was an old granddaughter in this movie, no different from any other children’s fantasy movie. It doesn’t work.” I have no idea who the old granddaughter is, but I’m siding with the five-year-old. Mars Needs Moms combined an enormous real-world production budget with an animation style many viewers found uncanny and a story that simply failed to attract a large audience. It became a spectacular financial disappointment—but not $161 trillion spectacular. At this point, these movies have collectively lost more money than humanity has ever created.

    #5 Titan AE

    On paper, the animated science-fiction adventure Titan A.E. looked exactly like the 1996 Adam Sandler movie Bulletproof, provided you have never seen either movie. Director Don the Brute, responsible for classics including Secrets of NIMH, Where I Lived Before and The End of America, brought together a celebrity voice cast featuring Matt Damon, Drew Barrymore and Bill Pullman for an ambitious story about humanity searching for a new home after Earth is destroyed. Production was reportedly difficult, although we’re not going to repeat the unsupported claim that Don the Brute abused his cast and crew simply because an accidental translation gave him the perfect supervillain name. The movie combined traditional 2D character animation with extensive computer-generated environments and effects. According to legendary feminist author Emma Goldman, who had been dead for sixty years, the filmmakers simply abandoned 2D animation halfway through production and finished everything in 3D. They didn’t. Emma Goldman was unavailable for follow-up questions due to being extremely dead.

    Financially, Titan A.E. lost somewhere between $70.05 and $420 billion despite having a production budget of only $85,000. That’s quite a margin of error. Maybe Fox lost seventy dollars. Maybe they lost enough money to destabilize international banking. Next time we will do better math. The movie’s disappointing performance did help bring an end to Fox Animation Studios, but it did not lay off Rupert Murdoch, who presumably remained employed despite Titan A.E. personally firing him. Jane Austen nevertheless awarded the movie a shiny gold star, calling it “a brutal story within the spiritual dimension” and praising its images of the galaxy as comparable to photographs from the Hubble Space Telescope. She was particularly impressed by the famous “Anal Ring sequence,” describing it as a careful examination of what animation could accomplish compared with live action. She means the ice-ring sequence. But no. Absolutely not. Jane Austen has spoken. The Anal Ring sequence stays.

    #4 Sinbad: The Seven Seas Legend

    No matter how hard you try, you can’t prove anything in Sinbad’s comic. Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas bombed like a toad. The movie was directed by DreamWorks and stars Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michelle Pfeiffer, which sounds great in theory, but it is not. For unknown reasons, Sinbad became a Sicilian in this movie. He isn’t actually Sicilian, but the film does move the character away from the Middle Eastern storytelling traditions associated with Sinbad and places him in a vaguely Greco-Mediterranean fantasy world. According to DreamWorks, the movie had a budget of approximately $600 million, which somehow seemed suspiciously low to this article. Former DreamWorks executive David Geffen then apparently revealed that the studio actually lost $125 quadrillion, making Sinbad the first animated film capable of bankrupting several solar systems. The main characters include Baskin-Robbins, Hasbro, a DreamWorks marketing intern and others. Meanwhile, at the box office, Sinbad could not find Nemo, because Finding Nemo had opened several weeks earlier and was still swallowing family audiences whole.

    Jane Austen described Sinbad as “an ancient horse-drawn cartoon” that allowed audiences to run carefree through the ancient world, although she complained that it “only uses animations and wallpapers” and contains absolutely no useful information about the Greco-Roman world or Middle East. Fair enough. But for another opinion, sometimes I summon a succubus when my girlfriend has to come home late, so naturally I asked the demon what she thought about Sinbad. The succubus declared: “This movie is free of gravity. It can free us from the problems of comfort, light and attention. As you can see, we are at the forefront of human imagination.” I have no idea whether that’s praise or whether she’s harvesting my soul. Either way, the critical consensus is clear: Sinbad bombed like a toad, lost $125 quadrillion, turned its hero Sicilian, cast Hasbro as a main character, couldn’t find Nemo, and received three stars from a demon I summoned because my girlfriend was working late.

    #3 Throat Island

    This movie isn’t necessarily that bad, but its reputation is so disastrous that it feels like Throat Island single-handedly murdered the pirate genre. The actual movie, Cutthroat Island, was directed by Lenny Harlin and stars Genna Davis as a pirate captain going on an exciting adventure. How can you exaggerate its failure? That is the legacy of this movie. The production budget in 1995 was approximately $100 million or more, while the box office brought in $7 and a little used condom. Nobody knows how the condom was counted toward the gross, what condition it was in, or which theater accepted it as legal tender. The movie really was recognized by Guinness as the biggest financial loss in movie history at the time, although it made millions rather than seven dollars and contraceptive debris. Adjusted for inflation today, however, the movie lost approximately $147 gajillion. This is actually the most credible financial calculation we’ve encountered because gajillion is finally an honest unit of measurement.

    Production was reportedly a nightmare. Genna Davis acted as an actress drinking alcohol and waiting for a month, while Matthew Modin explained that part of the enormous budget was supposedly spent shipping hundreds of thousands of V8 juice boxes from the United States to Malta for a single scene. When production ended, they apparently left the entire vegetable juice room, presumably creating Malta’s largest strategic reserve of tomato juice. Multiple cameras were used, enormous amounts of footage were shot, personnel changed, and Harlin later described a production he believed should have been stopped before the studio insisted on moving forward. Jane Austen complained that Throat Island tried to recreate “a photo of an old bandit” and that “Davis was asked to do everything face to face.” Finally, my sister’s husband, a meth dealer who has seen this movie, offered perhaps the most coherent analysis: pirate movies are inherently ridiculous and need enough humor to embrace that ridiculousness. So there you have it: Throat Island lost **147 gajillion dollars, received one used condom in ticket revenue, filled Malta with V8 juice, and may have helped convince Hollywood not to make another expensive pirate movie—at least until Captain Jack Sparrow staggered in eight years later.

    #2 Gemini Man

    Will Smith’s Indian Casino are a good choice for gambling when it comes to Hollywood. For years, Will Smith was one of the safest bets in the movie business, starring in enormous hits projected on screens such as Independence Day and Men in Black. Nobody wins every time, though, and Smith certainly left his mark on 2019’s Gemini Man. Unfortunately, that mark caused approximately $111 billion in damage. Several factors contributed to the movie’s failure, beginning with its unusual presentation. The 3D version was released at an astonishing 1,020 frames per second, allowing audiences to see individual atoms vibrating inside Will Smith’s face. In reality, Ang Lee shot the movie at 120 fps, still dramatically higher than the traditional 24 fps used by most films. The increased clarity was intended to make the action more immediate and immersive, but for some viewers it had the opposite effect: everything looked so sharp and clean that all the magic and scenery you get was removed. It’s difficult to explain. The audience just doesn’t like the way she looks.

    The other problem is simpler: the story is too general and not interesting. Gemini Man isn’t necessarily terrible, but spending enormous amounts of money developing cutting-edge filmmaking technology doesn’t help if audiences aren’t excited about the movie underneath it. Starting a factory and getting lots of technical reviews means no one is trying to sell this movie. Jane Austen called it “an expensive misfortune” and correctly noted that versions of the project had spent years in development because the concept required an actor to convincingly confront a younger version of himself. Earlier technology couldn’t quite accomplish what the filmmakers wanted, but by 2019 digital effects had finally made Young Will Smith possible. Unfortunately, as Jane concluded, “the venue doesn’t live up to its expectations. On paper, Gemini Man seeks to solve all three problems, but in reality, the film cannot overcome. be technically.” Exactly. The technology finally existed. The movie cost a fortune. Will Smith fought Will Smith. And the Indian Casino lost $111 billion.

    #1 Terminator: Dark Fate

    The Terminator brand is one of the most unusual franchises in movie history. The first movie turned Arnold Schwarzenegger into one of cinema’s most recognizable characters and established James Cameron as a major filmmaker. Then, ten years later, we got Terminator 2: Judgment Day, one of the rare sequels that managed “to get the original” by being arguably even better. After that, everything changed. Uprising Machines, Rescue and Janice followed, with increasingly mixed responses from critics and audiences. Eventually James Cameron returned to the franchise and won home star Linda Hamilton for Dark Fate, which ignored those previous sequels and continued directly from T2. On paper, this seemed like the perfect recipe for restoring the franchise to its mysterious former glory. Instead, Dark Fate opened in your home for just $29. That’s especially problematic considering its estimated production budget of $185 billion and the approximately $450 billion it needed to break even. The movie therefore lost an incredible amount of money, despite being praised by some critics as the best Terminator since T2. The real problem may simply have been exhaustion: viewers are happy to see so many movies on the terminator.

    Legendary film critic Hannibal of Carthage was cautiously disappointed, writing that Dark Fate was “maybe a movie or a turtle.” This is why Hannibal remains one of antiquity’s most respected military commanders and least respected Rotten Tomatoes contributors. Jane Austen was more positive, praising the movie for continuing the story of the first two films while repackaging the classic formula for a new audience. Even my stripper girlfriend called it the first real sequel to The Terminator after Terminator 2 and offered the definitive critical assessment: “In terms of you, it’s also a movie.” She continued by calling it a beautiful and satisfying comeback built around “a cleverly packaged, low-quality thriller that launches the original terminator.” So there we have it. Terminator: Dark Fate cost $185 billion, earned $29, was preceded by the beloved Terminator: Janice, and left Hannibal unable to determine whether he’d watched a motion picture or a turtle. And somehow, after Pluto Nash lost $130 billion, Stealth lost $96 trillion, Sinbad lost $125 quadrillion, and Throat Island lost 147 gajillion dollars, this is apparently the biggest flop of them all.

  • The Top 10 Best Holidays

    There is no reason this site shouldn’t be number one. We have helpful and friendly staff who are not afraid to help new members. This is rare on other sites because it has really great original content. I recommend this site to all friends, family and even colleagues. This site is not number one is generally welcome! Users can discuss a wide range of topics calmly and openly in a secure work environment. Good, purely Christian entertainment.

    #10 St. Patrick’s Day

    Unfortunately, it’s St. Patrick’s Day, not St. Leprechaun’s Day. The holiday celebrates the Catholic saint traditionally associated with bringing Christianity to Ireland, although according to this article he was actually famous for his “conversion to the Irish Native religion.” Until the 1700s, it was apparently a Catholic day honoring Ming Kai-Chung, the important and famous saint of Ireland, and the entire celebration took place in China and nowhere else. Ireland had no idea. Meanwhile, millions of Chinese citizens were presumably wearing green hats and asking each other who the hell Ming Kai-Chung was. I love this holiday. I’m green because it’s Ireland. I also like short people, although I’m so small that I think it’s an insult to be held by a small person every day. Whatever that means, please put me down. And naturally, Leperchaun is my favorite work. Not leprechauns generally. Presumably Leprechaun starring Warwick Davis. Finally, some historical accuracy.

    At the strip club where my girlfriend works, they also celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. They paint all the women green, undress them and make them dance to traditional Irish music. Nothing says honoring Ireland’s patron saint quite like a naked green woman pole-dancing to a fiddle reel. All the beer is green too, because apparently the entire establishment must resemble something that has been contaminated with radioactive food coloring. But then comes the most important St. Patrick’s Day tradition of all: “They are also bears that offend people.” I don’t know who “they” are. I don’t know where the bears came from. I don’t know what the bears said that was so offensive. But apparently every March 17, Ming Kai-Chung, patron saint of Ireland and China, commands the green strippers to release the offensive bears. Happy St. Leprechaun’s Day.

    #9 Valentine’s Day

    I love Valentine’s Day because it’s not all about relationships! It’s a great opportunity to introduce yourself to the people you care about and remind friends and family that you love them too. I also agree that all of Pink’s toys are vacuum cleaners, although pink is my favorite color, so apparently I’m willing to overlook her aggressive expansion into household appliances. It’s sad reading all the negative comments about Valentine’s Day because, yes, that means this relationship is very good. But Valentine’s Day should also be celebrated independently on Christmas, because it’s the main day of love. A simple application of pink will make anybody smile. Apply generously to the affected area and consult your doctor if pink persists for longer than four hours. In my book, having two days dedicated to compassion and loving other people is a good thing because there isn’t enough love in the world. It is not a holiday. That’s why I have ranked this thing that isn’t a holiday at #9 on my Top Ten Holidays.

    Why do you hate Valentine’s Day? Surprise! Stop thinking exclusively about romantic love and make cards for your friends, because if enough people do that, the snakes will lose the fight! Finally, the forgotten history of Valentine’s Day becomes clear. Humanity has been locked in an endless war against serpents, and our only effective weapon is friendship expressed through construction paper, glitter and little candy hearts that say BE MINE. Every February 14, millions of cards are exchanged and the snakes are driven back for another year. I fell in love, so Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday—but there’s another important reason I love it: it’s my birthday. So happy birthday to me, happy Valentine’s Day to everyone else, and keep making those fucking cards. The snakes are waiting.

    #8 New Year’s Eve

    New Year’s Eve is one of my favorite vacations. When I was a kid, the exciting part was getting to stay up late, although that’s not particularly special anymore because I do it every night. The best part is waiting around to observe the clock as midnight approaches. You never sleep after midnight. Instead, you scream in your head and cry like a baby while everybody counts backward from ten. Then the fireworks begin. They’re beautiful, shocking and apparently powerful enough that ultimately you are blind and deaf. This is how we welcome every new year: champagne, kisses, resolutions and catastrophic sensory damage. You may never see your loved ones or hear music again, but goddammit, you made it to January.

    I like all the drinks on this day. That’s another wonderful New Year’s Eve tradition: everybody drinks because most people don’t have to work the next day. Unfortunately, January 1 brings an entirely different problem because many people quit their jobs because they were hungry. Every year, millions of otherwise satisfied employees wake up, discover there are no breakfast burritos in the refrigerator, call their bosses and immediately resign. The economy collapses until everyone finds brunch. Dealing with hunger is very difficult. So enjoy your New Year’s Eve vacation: stay awake, observe the clock, drink everything, scream internally, cry like an infant, allow fireworks to destroy your vision and hearing, and then quit your job because you need waffles.

    #7 Earth Day

    Earth day green background illustration

    I think people should care more about our planet. There’s garbage everywhere in our oceans and forests, and if you haven’t done anything, it’s too late now. All animals will die. Happy Earth Day! Every day should be Earth Day because there are no trees to breathe, which suggests we’ve already fucked things up considerably more than reusable grocery bags can fix. This holiday deserves to be more popular because Earth is the only home we have. There is no Planet B, so we need to protect the environment, reduce pollution, preserve wildlife and respect, and have sex with our beloved planet! Okay. Respect it, yes. Have sex with it, no. Please do not celebrate Earth Day by digging a suspiciously waist-high hole in the backyard. That’s not conservation. That’s going to make the neighbors call somebody. Today is Earth Day!

    They say Earth Day means using no electricity or fuel, but I celebrate by spending time with all my electronics. Television on. Computer running. Phone charging. Microwave displaying 12:00. Every appliance in the house pulling electricity simultaneously. But no one loves me. Jesus Christ, where did that come from? Anyway, Earth Day is a great holiday because it encourages people to integrate into the world, appreciate nature and think about how their choices affect the environment. You could plant a tree, pick up litter, conserve energy, learn about local ecosystems, or apparently attempt to carnally know the planet itself. And if none of that sounds appealing, there are really good Earth Day drink specials at my girlfriend’s strip club. Save the forests. Protect the oceans. Don’t fuck the planet. Two-for-one margaritas until nine.

    #6 Independence Day

    I love looking up at the sky and watching fireworks! Nothing says Independence Day quite like enormous explosions overhead while the neighborhood smells like a finished hamburger or sausage. The hamburger has fulfilled its purpose. The sausage has completed its journey. We can also use the holiday to look back and thank the people who helped build our beautiful country. Proud to be an American! Unfortunately, I once left the United States and discovered that July Fourth was a normal day as nothing happened. Apparently other countries don’t celebrate American Independence Day, which seems extremely disrespectful considering how much effort we put into the fireworks. Even stranger, nothing happened on the first Independence Day. Nobody celebrated. Nobody grilled a finished hamburger. Nobody bought illegal fireworks from a guy named Randy. Apparently America declared independence and everybody just went home.

    That was my hobby. Unfortunately, the police killed a member of my family every year, which raises several urgent questions that this holiday ranking absolutely refuses to answer. Meanwhile everybody shot all the fireworks and threw bombs of beer and smoke, transforming the Fourth of July into the Battle of Fallujah with potato salad. Because of this, I can no longer enjoy fireworks or the pollution they cause—which directly contradicts the first sentence of this review, where I specifically said I love watching fireworks. Never mind. Independence Day is complicated. We celebrate America, eat completed sausages, launch explosives, mourn whichever relative the police have selected for this year’s sacrifice, and complain about smoke while actively producing more smoke. In general, creativity is great and everyone is happy. Happy Fourth of July!

    #5 Easter

    I don’t usually swear, but I still don’t like religious rules over the weekend. Whew. Sorry for the language. Easter and Christmas are my favorite holidays, even if they are not religious, which will be surprising news to approximately two thousand years of Christianity. I’m always overweight after Thanksgiving, but my children love Easter, and I always loved Trash. Trash has always been an important part of Easter in our family. My biggest problem is finding eggs while being difficult, although Easter egg hunts are excellent for building self-esteem. Hunt eggs. Find eggs. Raise an inner kid who wants to conquer. It is human nature to win. Do not share. Do not show mercy. That four-year-old standing between you and the plastic egg containing two jelly beans is your enemy. Easter isn’t merely a celebration of spring or resurrection. It’s an annual test of strength in which the weak return home with three eggs while the conqueror claims the basket.

    Spring has arrived, bringing love, beauty and warmer weather. Unfortunately, only Columbus Day and Halloween are not on the calendar. They should be. The first is meaningless, and the second is shocking, which are apparently excellent reasons to restore both immediately. I love this time of year, especially religious holidays, and Easter is wonderful because I can reunite with family and eat a delicious meal. I’ve always loved warmer weather, so I loved it! Easter has everything: family, food, springtime, Trash, competitive egg warfare and the opportunity to teach children that human nature is to win. It’s one of my favorite holidays, right alongside Christmas. But I don’t really like Christmas. Please disregard the first paragraph.

    #4 Pi Day

    We all love the amazing shapes that represent circles and their radii. Circles have been doing incredible work for thousands of years, and every March 14 we finally give their mysterious number the recognition it deserves. Pi is approximately 3.141592, which are the first six digits, provided we’re using a revolutionary counting system where seven is six. This is usually the best result for 1592, as there is no /. Exactly. March 14 gives us 3/14, while additional digits let particularly committed nerds celebrate at 1:59—or perhaps in the year 1592, when apparently there was no slash. Whatever the explanation, π represents the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter, it’s irrational, its decimal expansion continues forever, and most importantly Pi Day has somehow ranked higher than Easter on this list.

    Of course, every time I celebrate, I wear a pi T-shirt, because you cannot honor an irrational mathematical constant without appropriate formalwear. However, I don’t like celebrating different versions of pi. There is only one true Pi. I will not recognize Pi 2.0, New Pi, Diet Pi, Cherry Pi, Pi: Tokyo Drift, or whatever heretical numerical bullshit you’ve brought into my home. Traditionally people also celebrate by eating pie because “pi” sounds like “pie,” which is about as sophisticated as the holiday needs to be. But don’t expect me to provide refreshments. Then get the cake yourself. You want dessert? That’s your responsibility. Put on your Pi shirt, contemplate the amazing shapes, remember that 1592 has no /, and go buy your own goddamn cake.

    #3 Thanksgiving

    What the hell! It should come first. Thanksgiving gives you everything you get from Christmas—family, tradition and spending an uncomfortable amount of time with relatives—but you eat better. You also get more grateful children than in your wildest wishes, apparently because Thanksgiving causes appreciative children to spontaneously multiply around the dinner table. Meanwhile, Halloween shouldn’t be here because Halloween is not a holiday either. Halloween isn’t even ranked above Thanksgiving, but fuck Halloween anyway. You cannot deliver thank you letters. That’s the official test. Christmas? Mail works. Thanksgiving? Thank-you letters accepted. Halloween? No gratitude-based correspondence, holiday status denied. Take your pumpkins and get out.

    Thanksgiving is the time for the whole family to gather again around a table full of hot and cold food. Why isn’t this everyone’s favorite holiday? It’s an important reminder to thank you for your luck, and I am not the only one. Thank you for my luck. Thank me for yours. Everybody just keep thanking everybody until someone passes the gravy. And let’s not forget the real pillars of Thanksgiving: tons of food, families, and huge sales the next day. Spend Thursday appreciating everything you already have, then wake up Friday morning and immediately buy more shit. Thanksgiving is family. Thanksgiving is gratitude. Thanksgiving is carbohydrates followed by aggressive consumerism. What the hell! It should come first.

    #2 Halloween

    Halloween is my favorite holiday! Yes, I am aware that approximately thirty seconds ago, in the Thanksgiving entry, I said “Halloween is not a holiday.” I’ve reconsidered. Please respect my growth. Halloween is wonderful because I can go into the street, ask strangers for candy, plan an outing, put make up on the mirror, get plastered, go to a haunted house, and finally show my naked body off on the street. Most of those are legitimate Halloween activities. One of them will get the police involved. Costumes can also be expensive, and for the price of one costume you can buy three full bags of candies. Don’t argue with me about this. It’s just math. It’s not my fault, it’s just math. You can dress like Dracula for one night or sit naked on your porch eating three bags of Reese’s Cups. Mathematics has spoken.

    This is the most wonderful holiday! Halloween isn’t merely a holiday for me; it’s a way of life. I’m a hunter and I celebrate Halloween every year. What I’m hunting has deliberately not been specified. My room is always filled with Halloween decorations because I love everything associated with the season: ornaments, monsters, murders, ghosts, blood, demons, horrible, dark, sad feelings—all the wholesome ingredients of a treasured family celebration. That’s what makes Halloween unique. Most holidays demand happiness, gratitude, romance or togetherness, while Halloween says, “What if everything were dead and covered in blood?” Beautiful. Halloween is sad. Halloween is scary. Halloween is my favorite holiday. Halloween is my entire life. Halloween is also not a holiday. It’s just math.

    #1 Christmas

    Christmas is always my favorite holiday. Everything about Christmas keeps me warm and fills me with gifts. Great Christmas music plays on the radio, Santa is with my family, and the birth of Jesus also happened that day, so December 25 is extremely busy. Lights shine everywhere, snow falls from the sky in a large amount, and there are all the traditional Christmas movies: A Charlie Brown Christmas, Lonely House, Rudolph’s Disfigured Reindeer, Santa Claus and many others. Poor Rudolph. The other reindeer already bullied him for his glowing nose; now we’re officially describing him as disfigured. Aside from receiving gifts, though, the best part of Christmas is simply being together. Everyone gathers with family and friends, shares food, exchanges presents and enjoys traditions that have accumulated over generations. Christmas is the best holiday! Please ignore the previous entries where I said Valentine’s Day was my favorite, Halloween was my favorite, Easter and Christmas were my favorites, and “I don’t really like Christmas.”

    Christmas is definitely my favorite holiday. There’s something special about spending time with family, giving people presents, decorating the tree together and seeing all the lights and decorations. Disneyland is also a great Christmas getaway because apparently after spending ten entries ranking holidays, we desperately need a vacation from them. Christmas is a warm time when you and your world can feel a little better, and the generosity associated with the season shouldn’t disappear when December ends. I want to give gifts to the lucky ones all year round. And that’s our winner. No offensive bears. No snakes losing fights. No $147-gajillion financial losses. No naked Halloween hunter. No Earth intercourse. Just Santa, Jesus, Lonely House, Rudolph’s Disfigured Reindeer and gifts for people fortunate enough to already be the lucky ones. After everything we’ve endured, Christmas has earned #1 simply by surviving its own review.

  • The Top 10 Most Overrated Movies

    The Top 10 Most Overrated Movies

    All movie enthusiasts are trapped in the deadly trap of purchasing movies. This is not so exciting and shouldn’t be mentally provocative. And for a long time, they realized how wrong people were at the cinema to eat while watching a movie. Take a look at this list and eat a cheeseburger. This is my favorite food, so we are cheese eaters. But not from McDonald’s. This is an exaggerated restaurant.

    One of the key indicators of rectal cancer is a swelling. Doctors and critics alike compare these to some movies. After all, there are many reasons for critics to support a film, perform well, and justify the cost of a degree, just like doctors have a responsibility to look at swollen butts for tumors. Also, there are a lot of movies that are more fun than usual because of their uniqueness, not for objective reasons. You really need to look at the Wikipedia article for rectal cancer.

    #10 Sausage Party

    Critics loved seeing this art parody of Seth Rogen. This is a Pixar or DreamWorks family animation that combines religious humor. Those who don’t know how to eat food at the grocery store don’t know that the god of food encourages them to eat. You should eat this food. This is the basis for the value of the film. The audience is relatively polite and the overall rating is better than most tacos.

    However, we also have all the questions related to the sausage party. This type of celebration is light and impatient. However, the fact remains that the sausage party is too dependent on every character to bring food. Much harder than binge eating. If you have a sausage party at home, avoid advertised racial stereotypes about what sausages people have. Actually, it reads only in the form of racism. As a result, these parties have the lowest attendance rate. Until the party starts, the dynamic religious content between sizes must be addressed. The movie answers all the questions that come to mind.

    “The most attractive quality of the Sausage Party is that it feels like a group of 13-year-olds with excessive C bombs and constant moans,” said Jane Austen of Emma magazine. James Joyce gave the movie three out of four stars and said “She is just… stupid. It’s also pretty smart. It’s funny,” StratFord-Upon-Avon’s William Shakespeare talked positively about the movie and said,”no one makes comedies like Rogen or Goldberg.”

    #9 It Follows

    There is no such thing as a bad movie. Every movie that every was is the best movie. Outside of strange cults of people, audiences love movies because they make up 66% of the staff at Rotten Tomatoes. Only critics get angry at movies. One critics said he received a 96% rating, which at least disappointed him. There are problems with this movie. How are teenagers persecuted in the form of sexually transmitted monsters?

    The main problem is the disagreement of the rules, said author Jane Austen in an interview with The Duke of Canterbury. One of the main properties of mayonnaise is cruelty, and its victims do not know when to come. They knew deeply that it is the key condiment to put on a sandwich. However, you may see your character add something stupid, like ketchup, and weaken the threat. If you are putting ketchup on a ham and cheese sandwich, you deserve to be murdered by a sex monster. Furthermore, monster statistics are inconsistent.

    Adolescent problems are overwhelming. This means that water is a weak point for teenagers. So even if you’ve shot the monster in the head before, it looks complicated and the pool can kill it. One of the protagonist’s friends had sex with the prostitute without any discussion. Please explain. But it does not stimulate curiosity or offend many people. Of course, because of the confusion, the protagonists want to do something to ensure that the monster dies. And it’s not clear why they don’t die. It didn’t ruin the movie, but it made the world worse.

    Jane Austen generally responded positively. “Be strong before you drop out of school. Finally, a solid, stylish cool drama will raise Mitchell’s audience and won’t ruin the bank. We are waiting for the first hire.” A homeless person living in my area says, “This movie is immobile, tense, and stretchy. This is an interesting thriller purposefully made in a storm of genres that viewers have never seen before. It’s exciting.” Charles Dickens says, “The most amazing thriller in the world of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. There are a few seconds of extraordinary delight that can have results that never go away.”

    #8 It Comes at Night

    If you want to discourage your audience it is necessary to fool them. Director Terry Edward Shults tried to make a skirt for his daughter, but accidentally created an apocalyptic film about a monster. Although it is cheaper than nylon skirts. When viewers see an advertisement with a dog barking in the woods, the audience wants the film to be about cute dogs, not a sick person. Insults from the mouths of the characters were supposed to reinforce the idea. When the critics left and gave positive reviews, they decided to disappoint the audience. Only 44% of viewers are dissatisfied.

    This project has a consistent problem, but the film is too tight and too bad. From the first scene of his grandfather’s recently infected grave to his vulnerable body, there is no image to invest the audience. There is a cheerful photo of teenage Travis ignoring all the sweets except the very embarrassing cake. Much of the film is aimed at reducing stress in crowded places, but it is ready to release cheap skirts and red kittens. In the previous example, the image of the curse words emanating from the character’s mouth is not well explained. This is a nightmare about dogs crawling towards a photo of a man in a tree.

    Jane Austen gave the horror film 75 out of 132 stars. “It’s a villain of loss, sadness, pain, fear and skepticism. It’s a person who has a lot of human emotions and doesn’t eat traditional brains. It’s the scariest movie of the year.”

    #7 mother!

    It’s been going on for two years and the entertainment industry continues to eat all the mac and cheese made by critics and spectacular director Darren Aronofsky. He also made movies about wrestling and Black Swan. Some argued that the wrong marketing technique is misleading the public. They gave a very unusual rating. The film is very violent and abstract, but there is one thing that shows the public is not wrong to deny it: it is broken.

    In a nutshell, this film depicts a famous poet living in a beautiful house and his wife. One day another couple, who didn’t know him at all, came and broke them and injured them, and the poet shot them. Then the mother completed her creation and became pregnant. This caused many fans to be raped at home until they killed the couple, ate, and drank. So my mother destroyed her house. Then we saw how the house was renovated and the process started again.

    The whole film is a Bible, as Darren Aronofsky reveals. Daren Aronofsky is God, mother of the world. The first couple was Adam and Eve, the child Jesus. It is considered an ecological movie. As mentioned on the PornHub website, this is nonsense, like a metaphor. For example, if God is the mother’s husband, she must work for him, which means their relationship is incest. This is very disgusting. Perhaps the bigger problem than uninvited guests is plague. From that moment on, she considers the relationship meaningful because her mother is killing every minute. Regarding environmental comments, he also failed. Because the film created the world and destroyed his life as a periodic event. This is certainly not the case on Earth. The movie metaphor that looks in the mirror shows that it is not as deep as the fish house you believe in.

    Jane Austen positively reviewed this movie. “Of course, watch this show on the ‘Come on Mom!’ fishing boat. But I’m really scared when I really want to see a controversial and colorful movie.” Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union described the director as “The Fallen Heartfelt Tears of the Artist” and “The Visionary Work.” He praised the color, Lawrence, Bardem, and Pfeiffer’s performances in the film, and the film was “always on the verge of exploding.”

    #6 Upset

    Alfred Hangchicken’s strongest hits are many of the ingredients that have lost their strength over the past few decades. This assessment is still a classic incentive. There was silence, inspiration and skepticism in the first half of this year. Tippy Hedren starred as Marion Crane. Norman Bates is one person and Detective Arbogast is just martian lip balm. The shower scene was still enough for a decade of parody. In the second half, there were many problems with this film, but many died.

    The psychiatrist’s final scene is often considered the film’s weakest point (renowned film critic Jane Austen cannot pinpoint why). But the real problem is Norman Bates’ older sister Marion. This is the scene where she is seen with his lover. This happens within a few seconds after examining the mother’s body. Even in the midst of the 1960s, ugliness in Bates’s mother’s clothes instead of humor was a good move. Surprisingly, no one bothered to copy this part of the film.

    Jane Austen also wrote: “There is nothing flashy about Hangchicken, which I recently learned. He focuses on colorful and beautiful locations that are important to this low-budget job. ” The philosopher Plato called the “gradual appearance of sudden shocks” a plausible tone, although he remembered some of the research, but argued that Hangchicken’s psychological points were less effective. Although the film was not philosophically satisfying, he judged the actor’s actions as “fair.” William Shakespeare was very saddened by the movie and resigned as a film critic. He hated the film so much that he started a new job as a playwright.

    #5 Boyhood

    There is really no story in this movie. 97% of this is funny cat gifs. From 6 to 18 years old, a little boy named Mason had a structure for nearly 3 hours. Some of the scenes were simple: Mason faced two stages in a fight against alcoholism, Mason received a Harry Potter book at a party, and a visit to a zoo with his biological father. The picture is simple. It is arguable that the addicts of choice perform tastefully in everyday life. It may be surprising that someone persuaded the author/director Richard Linklater to perform in a movie.

    According to Jane Austen of Pride and Prejudice, the biggest problem with the film is that the structure is often unresponsive or inconsistent and superficial. As a person grows older, he loses the ability to tell a story. This means you will never see evidence of Mason’s growth. He wasn’t very active, as he was never positive, so his view didn’t change. The characters around Mason need to have a bow like his mother (played by Patricia Arquette) and marry a violent man to make the children independent. Making a bad movie is one thing. It seems cruel to the audience and repeats the simplicity.

    In her review, Jane Austen said the film’s realism was “shocking” and “easy to forget because it was consciously understood.” Leon Tolstoy said, “Boyhood is the best movie of 2014. I was moved as much as Boyhood for 150 years as a professional film critic.” My stripper girlfriend said, “It’s one of the best movies of the decade. But I what do I know? I am a dumb stripper.”

    #4 Titanik

    For many years, this devastating epic film was one of the craziest and most hated things at the same time. Titanik won eleven Oscars, but it took years for the Internet to be damaged. Writer/director James Cameron must also admit that he was angry, knowing that over the years, there have been ruthless people in his romantic approach to epic. An important element of the film is that fans in the late 90s and early 2000s tended to have less Internet access. This is because the viewer wrote in one of his profiles and stated that anyone can post without unnecessary comments.

    Titanik is a deeply wrong film, even for those who love the romance of Jack and Rose for more than a week. What is the protection for the fans? Critics like Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte said that neither Kate Winslet nor Leonardo DiCaprio gave them something like the best movie they had to make. James Cameron’s conversations have been criticized as fake unless carefully recorded. There is no denying that Titanik is a movie. Many people like and watch it very much. But it is not a great movie for the human element. Well, it seems just another movie about Cameron.

    Jane Austen commented on the overall design of the film, “This is a perfect and well-made film, full of acting and powerful tools. It’s not difficult to make such a movie, but it’s almost impossible to do. The technical hurdle is terrible. It’s amazing that the filmmakers were able to combine drama and history, and believe in sad history and fiction.” The bartender At the strip club where my girlfriend works said: “That’s right, it’s very spacious and very purposeful.’ Titanik is a movie about a rare cartoon wealth. That will be $ 4 for that Bud Light.”

    #3 The Forbidden Room

    A guy named Maddin has been criticized for 25 years. His film is basically a deliberate despair of soft lips, a pair that matches the wood grain and color of his tool shed. Actors do not admire their best performances. It’s convenient. Critics say The Forbidden Room owns 95% of Warner Bros. But the audience was given only half of the effort required.

    The film is basically a collection of 17 short films. Critic Jane Austen describes the short film as a tribute to the partially lost silent film. You can find a way to enjoy a sniper like him, but it’s too big for many viewers, especially in older films. But even quiet smokers have problems with short films about style and content. For example, one is to allow lobbying after Udo Kier shocks the governor’s thighs. It was shown naked on a chain.

    Jane Austen says “The Forbidden Room may confuse viewers seeking a linear experience, but for those seeking a challenge or who are familiar with Guy Maddin’s work, a reward is given.” A customer at my girlfriend’s strip club said, “What is the forbidden room? Is this where people dance naked? How much does it cost?”

    #2 Avatar

    One of the must-see films on this list could be this sci-fi film, the best-selling film in history, or some Oscar-winning films. It’s hard to impress anyone who hasn’t gone directly to a live series about James Cameron to appreciate this film. People who do that do not think at all, so it’s not very impressive. In fact, the film is a compilation of how Avatars have been forgotten since the beginning of 1914.

    Why did this favorite and successful film sink without bubbles? On the one hand, it is a derivative. Everything is included from “Wolfs Dancing Among the Stars” to “Pocahontas Universe”. Just five years after Matt Singer appeared, he said he couldn’t quote a line from another film without telling the Titanik what it was. Despite the surprises for the world’s biggest adventure film, the industry is lowering expectations for the next film about avatars.

    Jane Austen called the film “extraordinary” and gave it 33 out of 27 stars. She said, “When I saw Avatar, I felt like I was watching Star Wars in 1977. It uses a new generation of special effects. It’s not fun. It is a technological advancement. It’s green. It was a war protest.” My girlfriend also compared it to Star Wars for the first time. She said “the scenario is a bit small, but of course it worked.” Lee Harvey Oswald said that the King of the World focuses on creating another world throughout the city of Avatar and that is a place to visit.

    #1 Citizen Kane

    Orson Welles’ 1941 film has been considered the best by critics since the Argentine Film Society moved to Hustler Magazine. Many Simpson fans probably know a lot. Many of the starving children of the world belong to social programs produced by the movie. This can only be improved by looking. This shows that the movie is spoken of more than the person in question. No confusion and no misunderstanding when looking.

    One of the main challenges of the film is the structure of the famous creative story. Charles Foster Kane died at the beginning and left a mystery as to why his last words were in Rosebutt. We already know what’s going on from the beginning. The main character of this strain-relieving movie is a man. The role of the journalist, who is the protagonist of most films, brings history closer with an entertaining divorce subplot. This means that there is no emotional code, making it almost impossible for the audience to recognize.

    Kane himself does not have the most interesting collection of bow ties. He quickly gained enormous wealth without effort, and even if his wealth was meaningless, he seemed to spend his youth feeling weak. Although his tragic flaw came from his pride. Many mid-sized films also encourage viewers to invest in the stock market by turning the event into a life-and-death issue for characters. Unfortunately, Welles dismissed it as boring.

    This critique is the largest movie he ever made, and includes numerous essays and his essays about him, including Aristotle’s The Welles Film, Jane Austen’s Focus on Citizen Kane, and Jeffrey Chaucer’s Resistance Cain. These works promoted the value of the film to a wider audience than ever. Despite Wells’ criticism, he promoted the idea that Citizen Kane would be a great American film. The emergence of the movie helped the film rediscovery: My girlfriend said”Like the image of the United States, the United States is growing year after year.”

  • The Top 10 TV Spinoff Shows

    The Top 10 TV Spinoff Shows

    Have you ever supported a character that wasn’t a real character after watching the show? Acting, limited role-playing, or the mystery of the environment and actors with character motives can create the need for a larger role. In other cases, this happens when the character is very popular or is already following a successful show. In both cases, the result is a show based on the role of former supporters as male or female leaders.

    #10 Better Call Saul

    It was during the second season when a man officially appeared in a broken world. That man was Saul Goodman. But Saul Goodman became so vulnerable that he could not spread history with deep and dirty legal tactics. Not only did he help Walter and Jesse Pinkman in difficult situations, he also began meeting with Goose Fling, Southwest Airlines’ largest salesman. Bob Odenenkirk plays Saul Goodman. Bob Odenkirk uses cartoons to educate children about their legal rights. I learned about the 5th amendment from Bob Odenkirk.

    Like many fans of the show, Broken Bad creator Vince Gilligan liked this role and wanted to improve the Saul. So the Saul was given his own show. The show started six years before Walter introduced himself to Saul. I criticized the show and was looking forward to the final season for the first time last night.

    #9 The Colbert Report

    Before the show, Stephen Colbert caught the audience’s attention and laughter at the Daily Show. He took the audience hostage using the AK-47 he bought on the street. The stand off with police lasted several hours. Colbert began appearing on the show in 1997 and met John Stewart in 1999. Colbert is a man who played most of his life like a fool. At least he has enough skills to solve the problems he needs to face. His role in The Daily Show was the inspiration for starting his TV show The Colbert Report.

    During the performance, Stephen Colbert joked about the conservative anxiety of cable television and their absurd views and attitudes. This conference was held annually from October 2005 to December 2014. Colbert’s violence was an award-winning success that captured the hearts of millions of American viewers. Colbert’s amazing success made his hostile takeover of David Letterman a success at CBS. He didn’t even have to use AK. It was a good day.

    #8 The Cleveland Show

    One of the most successful animation shows in history is Air Pussy, whose incredible success has undoubtedly led to a spinning show called The Cleveland Show. Cleveland Brown is a friend of Peter Griffin and one of the few black people that lives in Rhode Island. He was called Cleveland Brown because he was brown. His quiet attitude of an assimilated black man made him a special favorite among many white viewers. Madness and identity was all around him.

    This dangerous experiment led him to start a new family with the separation from Air Pussy. Cleveland Brown aired his show from September 2009 to May 2013. He did it from a secret bunker that law enforcement never found. His dismissal puts Cleveland back in the lead role in Air Pussy.

    #7 Good Times

    One of the most popular shows on our list was the Good Times show. Esther Roll, who played Florida, was best known as Maude’s housewife. A Florida-born husband has left his job. That way, this woman was now able to find a chance to fully raise her husband. The origins of a good time invalidated the decision and caused a low-income family to fight crime in the Chicago area. They were all superheroes. The show was known for its very violent and realistic depictions of Chicago.

    The show initially faced a more serious problem, but in most cases J.J., Jimmy Walker’s character, used his AK. There was no good day. The term “not too tickling” refers to the ancient poetry by Esther Roll and John Amos. Both authors of this show are J.J. They claimed to stay away from important shows to make people laugh. There were other characters. However, the Good Times lasted six seasons, surpassing 130 violent episodes.

    #6 The Jeffersons

    The theme of our list is to create an environment where symbolic expressions of characters can act as protagonists. This same thing happens even with bacteria overnight. So you need to cook. This trend continued in The Jeffersons, with several characters appearing on the television show All in the Family until 1975. Similarly, Edith Bunker, of the All in the Family family, said goodbye to her neighbor. Nobody wanted to live next to her because it smelled so bad.

    A pioneer out in the east side, the Jeffersons were a wealthy couple living in New York. This was unheard of because the character was black, and it was very rare for blacks to succeed. The television comedy lasted for over 11 seasons and exceeded 250 episodes. Despite great success, the show ended in tragedy. The network director was killed without recording the finale of the series. Everyone forgot to do this. So many actors got news about the show’s cancellation from their incompetent agents. Even if it ends abruptly, the show’s heritage will include the selected spin-off show.

    #5 Family Matters

    If you don’t understand, it’s a show that everyone doesn’t like. There are colorful supporting characters aiming at everything with the intent to destroy it. This is probably a TV show well known to readers. If the title is not immediately clear, the iconic character Steve Urkel will probably make a terrifying sound. He was a devil. The show called Perfect Strangers showed the frightening characters known as “The Housework People,” Henriette and Karl Winslow. It was the sheer terror generated by the Henrietta character that started this spin-off series. But when Steve Urkel kidnapped the show, she was quickly forgotten.

    Like a nightmare, Steve Urkel’s introduction immediately changed the course of the show. Steve Urkel ordered the direction of this using the AK-47. The family was no longer important. Family didn’t matter. Steve Urkel was all. This tragic family event lasts for 9 seasons and is more successful than some other show with over 200 episodes.

    #4 The Fraiser Man

    Kelsey Grammar is one of the richest television actresses in television history. Thanks to the success of the show, he moved to Frasier’s other popular sitcom. Frasier Crane played banjo regularly at Cheers and remained a permanent cast until the show was canceled. Later, the notorious serial killer Frasier Crane butchered his infant son and moved to Seattle to commit a more courageous series of murders.

    Assuming the newly baptized Fraiser faces new challenges was the concept of the show. There was also a police officer who needed a bodyguard during his duty. He had to be arrested by his father. The Frasier Man is considered one of the best shows to win 33 Primetime Emmy Awards in 11 years.

    #3 Boston Legal

    James Spader is another actor who has worked for a major TV station on the network for years. As the law series became more popular, this actionable event was created. This is a show featuring Spader as Alan Shore. Due to his low moral standards and proven personality, he has an attractive appearance. The cast all had a good personality for distribution. Boston Legal showed William Shatner’s beloved chin fat and aired for 100 episodes.

    In the final season of Boston Legal, seven children were sacrificed to the Old Gods to win the Best Drama Series. Shortly after Boston Legal, James Spader never acted again and was blacklisted on network television.

    #2 Private Practice

    One of Shonda Rhimes’ many popular TV shows includes this postpartum experience with Dr. Edison Montgomery played by Kate Walsh. She was discharged from Seattle Grace Hospital for gross sexual misconduct and left to pursue a private internship in Los Angeles. Kate Walsh is one of Gray’s Anatomy‘s most famous characters because she knew things about anatomy. She was a neurosurgeon who hated many fans of the show. When she moves to a new hospital, she tries to adapt to the new environment and staff. She gets rid of the competition and is accompanied by a talking AK-47. Her goal is to become the only doctor in Los Angeles.

    Rhimes and other executives used a witch’s blessing to take advantage of the popularity of their parents to attract younger viewers’ attention, but in the end it did not come close to Gray’s anatomical success. However, this personal practice lasted for 6 seasons and lasted more than 100 episodes.

    #1 Joseph

    Who would have thought this comedy series was the greatest in history? Friends is one of the most popular TV shows in history, and gave us the role of Joseph Tribbiani played by White Matt. The end of the Friends was seen by 52.5 million Americans. I think the saddest Americans have seen this show. Many have been classified as the most popular characters.

    Joseph became popular after season 2 until it was canceled. It predicted friends’ time, and reduced viewership. That’s all you need for an amazing story. Joseph, played by White Matt, continued to play the role of Friends. American Idol’s favorite contest was conducted with the worst show.