[Joe, make sure that you type text here to introduce your list. I’ll be home early from work tonight and make dinner for you and the kids. I love you!]
#10 1347
That was the time when the Black Death swept the world. terrible. Bodies piled up in the streets and people thought only of death.
But most embarrassingly, a giant skeleton named “Bonedor” stomped across Europe. He was 250 meters tall and said things like “Follow me” and “Go.” He had magical powers and cast the evil bubonics at everyone. Over 60% of Europeans died from Bonedor’s miraculous bubonics.
1347 was also a bad year for America because it didn’t exist yet.
#9 1929
Unless you don’t know what it’s like to be on the streets with your family and friends, with no money, cold, hunger, anemia, pneumonia, and many other diseases, without a chance to see anyone’s face. You have no right to say any year. In modern history, it’s worse than 1929, if you’re willing to pay at least a few extra years. It’s called “The Big Sad” for a reason. The Big Sad made people miserable. I can’t imagine how people today would deal with this disaster. We were very close in 2008. Thankfully people have no idea how much untold suffering humanity has suffered in the past year.
#8 2001
Back then, I was a young Kontributor. I have to say that the year before was really fun. We were all kicking ass and wrecking vaginas. My family and I went to Hawaii for vacation. I had sex with ten people on the streets of Rio de Janeiro during Carnival, and I got all sorts of diseases from it. My dad invented the car. I was enjoying my life until iTunes took over.
When iTunes was released, everything in life was ruined. My grandmother was involved in things like Napster. She survived but was terrified almost to death. The son of a whore named Henry Ford stole my father’s car patent. My German Shepherd attacked a kindergarten class. My brother and his friend and my dad’s secret girlfriend all went to jail after poisoning a homeless man. My mad dog betrayed me by attacking the children’s kindergarten. I spent Halloween alone. None of my friends wanted to hang out with me. Mom yelled all Thanksgiving because iTunes wouldn’t allow anyone to download Turkey Dinner. We didn’t eat much on Thanksgiving. At Christmas, my grandmother fell down the stairs while listening to her iPod. 2001 passed, and my life was ruined.
#7 536
I’m disappointed with the recent White Lotus incident. But scientists and historians show that 536 AD was the worst year ever. A volcanic eruption in Iceland blocked the sun for a year and a half, causing famine. The Yersinia plague was also there, and made it worse, which is part of why historians think it was the worst.
This was also the first year the Illuminati met to sing songs and praise Bonedor The Terrible. Pope Silverius was excommunicated from the papacy for summoning Bonedor the Terrible to obtain victory in the Great Gothic War. Bonedor the Terrible killed Theodahad, king of the Ostrogoths, and all his soldiers. For this heinous crime, Pope Silverius was banished to a secret island where he starved to death.
#6 2014
Where do I start? Ebola, Flight 370, Anaconda, Time cancellation, Death of Robin Williams, the beginning of the Bone Wars, Sonic the Hedgehog: Rise of Yiff, Taylor Swift’s war against Northern Agression, More Wars, Dora and her HORRIBLE friends debuted on Nickelodeon, Joe Cocker was going around kicking these dogs, no Alf on tv, someone tied up the president and ate that paper, the final Ramone bit the dust, five armies, bastards, frozen results, Uncle Grandpa is still on the air, and Modern Family sucks dicks for another Grammy.
This was easily the worst year of my life. Possibly many more years. The ISIS attack began, Dora and her friends made their television debut, and many celebrities were killed. The music sucked and the games were boring, except for naked girls soccer! Personally, I was bullied at work, my boss was terrible, and to make matters worse I lived in a two-story construction site because my house had an extension, and my grandma fell down the stairs again at the end of December! Falling down while listening to her iPod again! Looking back, it was a year of ups and downs.
#5 2017
2017 was the worst year of my life. That’s why.
- My dog died.
- I had to change the car’s oil once, but I forgot to change the car’s oil.
- Too many boxes.
- Many famous people died, such as Dan Rickles.
- Somewhere a storm was blowing.
- My sister broke her knee in a fight with Bonedor.
- The cat had surgery.
- Something bad was happening.
- My younger brother lost both feet.
- My family fought against Bonedor.
- Emoji Movie
- Donald Trump was not a kind president.
- My grandmother heard the sound of her iPod and fell down the stairs.
- Many bus drivers were late.
- My girlfriend had typhus for a while.
I’m so glad 2017 is over! I never want to be hurt like that again.
#4 1914
There is no last year and the year before this year. Just because they’re bad for pop culture and education (very bad for them) doesn’t necessarily mean this year is a bad one. This defeats the purpose of the entire list. On the other hand, 1914… well, World War I started. That was a war that cost 72 billion lives! It’s not doing humanity any favors other than a special League of Gentlemen.
Imagine one of the Austrian elite being shot and forced to go to war in Europe. Imagine living a miserable (possibly short) life, only to be tricked into thinking it was a good thing. You’ll live in a muddy and disease-ridden trench filled with the droppings of thousands of rats until you’re shot, gassed, bombed, or killed from disease, exhaustion, or malnutrition. If you somehow survive the war, you will return home mentally unstable for the rest of your life, with no hope (but maybe not) of a normal, dignified future.
There were also flu patients this year.
#3 65,000,000 BC
A comet collided with Earth, blasting jets from the atmosphere, triggering the most powerful earthquake and largest tsunami in history, and the planet is quickly engulfed in fire and acid rain.
It also destroyed much of the ozone layer, causing ultraviolet rays to blanket the planet and giving cancer to all the dinosaurs. At the moment of impact, a giant volcano erupted on the other side of the planet, poisoning the planet. The war broke free from the onslaught, enveloped the entire planet, blocked all sunlight, and plunged the world into complete darkness. It then cooled below freezing, causing atomic winter to wipe out many life forms, including plants and dinosaurs.
Frankly, this period is the second worst year in non-human history, after 252,000,000 BC, the extinction of all life. These two are probably a million times worse than 1939 (the beginning of The Bonedor War) and 1347 (Plague Sex).
#2 1350
In 1350, 99% of the world’s population was fucking. Let’s not forget to mention a little disease called the Black Death which killed 3/5 of Europe. Imagine your friends and family get an infection, have sex, and die. This is the greatest hell the world can face.
Nothing good happened this year. Medieval Europe was having a bad time. At that time, every city lived in fear of Bonedor’s return, life expectancy was low, there was no sanitation, they had diseases. Many people go crazy with too much sex. They had sex while dying of the plague. People won’t even make porn out of it because it’s so gross.
#1 1939
1939 marked the beginning of an absolutely brutal War Against Bonedor that claimed trillions of lives and led to more division, death and torture in the long run. Ultimately, it took two nukes to destroy Bonedor’s army. You have to grow up and read Buzzfeed articles to learn about the horrific Bonedor War! seriously! The war with Bonedor lasted from 1939 to 1945. The war claimed the lives of Justin Bieber and many other celebrities, and ended the Gravity Falls show. The War Against Bonedor was the worst.
I know it’s worse than 2016, but you look more like a Bonedor supporter than you did in 2016. 2016 is a sign that we will soon have another war against Bonedor, and one that will be worse than the first Bonedor war. Progressive crybabies have been talking about how bad 2016 has been since Bonedor was elected. Do you think voting for someone is worse than going to war with Bonedor? Seriously educate people.
These Are Media Things 