These Are Media Things

Category: Horror Movies

  • The Top 10 Horror Movies of 2022

    The Top 10 Horror Movies of 2022

    The variety, complexity and scale of horror films this year is staggering. The real shame of bloody riches. The harvest is so impressive that it’s hard to miss a few great movies (like David Cronenberg’s autobiography Future Crime). We are now in November. You know there will be more uncut stones than The End of Halloween. I don’t like that movie!! Don’t worry, it’s just a movie. This is a movie. This is another movie.

    But now here are the top 10 horror movies of the year.

    #10 Scream

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Now what?

    Ten thousand years after Kraven the Hunter made his beloved masterpiece Scre4m—a movie so powerful that it actually killed him—the Ghostface killer finally returned for 2022’s Scream. Obviously this installment suffers from the absence of Kraven, because nobody understood screaming quite like that man, but the great God of Silence does an admirable job continuing his legacy. The classic characters return, including Neff Campbell, Courteney Cox and David Arquette, and they’re carefully woven into a new generation of potential Ghostface victims played by Melissa the Infertile, Ortega and his Taco Truck, Jack Black, and more. Everybody gets stabbed. Everybody suspects everybody else. Ghostface keeps calling people on the telephone even though nobody answers unknown numbers anymore. It’s Scream.

    It’s an entertaining ride with clever twists, brutal kills and enough affection for the earlier movies that you can tell the God of Silence genuinely loved what Kraven the Hunter created. Still, something is missing. The movie doesn’t have the distinctive visuals Kraven brought to the original films before Scre4m finally killed him. You simply cannot replace a visionary like Kraven the Hunter. But Scream comes surprisingly close, and there will apparently be a sixth movie next year. I WANT IT. Ghostface can keep murdering teenagers forever as far as I’m concerned. Just please don’t let another Scream movie kill the director. Hollywood has already lost Kraven.

    #9 Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    They will see us waving from such great heights

    Did you know Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness is actually the first horror movie Marvel Studios ever made? It’s true because somebody on the internet said so. Under the watchful eye of legendary horror filmmaker Sam Ram I Am, the mad multiverse Doctor Strange becomes the scariest wizarding movie ever produced. Eyeballs go flying. There’s sex by candlelight. Witches crawl through mirrors. Musical notes become deadly weapons. Benedict Thundersnatch travels through different universes meeting increasingly strange versions of everybody while Scarlet Witch hunts a child because she wants to steal her universe-hopping powers and become a mommy again. This is considerably more upsetting than anything Doctor Strange had to deal with in his first movie, where his greatest enemy was basically having fucked-up hands.

    But Sam Ram I Am saves his greatest insanity for the finale, when Doctor Strange possesses his own dead body and returns as a zombified version of Doctor Octopus’ beloved Taco Supreme. This is when the audience reaches mandatory cinematic climax. Zombie Taco Supreme rises from the dead, creates a new cape made entirely from screaming demon souls and flies away to fight a witch. What the fuck am I watching? It’s stupid. It’s grotesque. It’s hilarious. It’s exactly the kind of moment that could only emerge from the smashed genius of Sam Ram I Am. Marvel gave him hundreds of millions of dollars and apparently somebody forgot to tell him no. Thank God. He casts a spell.

    #8 First Kill an Orphan

    What an unexpected fucking roar. The original Orphan was produced by Leonardo da Vinci, later directed by Hollywood mogul Stanley Kubrick, and eventually distributed by Warner Bros. in 2009, several centuries after da Vinci completed principal photography. Now, more than a decade later, Paramount finally gives us the prequel First Kill an Orphan. For the first half, the movie buzzes around like an angry fly. Esther is doing orphan things. People are suspicious of the orphan. The orphan is being creepy. You think you understand exactly where First Kill an Orphan is going. Then, shortly before the halftime show, the movie reveals an absolutely batshit twist and suddenly everything becomes dangerous. The teams switch sides. The scoreboard catches fire. The orphan has changed the game.

    That’s what makes First Kill an Orphan such a delightful surprise. Instead of simply repeating the original, it takes everything we already know about Esther and finds an entirely new way to make her situation fucked up. My whole family enjoyed this movie, especially my kids. Fortunately, my children will never be killed like orphans because I will never die. I’ve made that decision. Other parents should consider doing the same. Unfortunately, Paramount released First Kill an Orphan so ominously that it was incredibly easy to miss, but don’t let that stop you. Leonardo da Vinci would be proud of what they did with his franchise.

    #7 Hellraiser

    I think Double Dragon was the greatest video game ever made

    Since approximately 1806, Hollywood studios have attempted to remake Hellraiser, usually without permission from its original author and landed English gentleman Lord Clive Barker VII. Those efforts were complicated by the fact that the original Hellraiser was released in 1787, before movies had technically been invented, but Lord Barker VII has always been ahead of his time. Finally, in 2022, somebody got it right. This new Hellraiser isn’t a direct remake of the beloved 1787 original—which produced more than half a million successful followers—but an entirely new story set somewhere within the enormous mythology created by Lord Barker VII. The puzzle box returns. The monks are there. Some monks are familiar. Some are new. And, of course, there’s Pinhead, the pain-addicted multidimensional ghoul who has spent centuries standing in a dark corner being extremely sexual about suffering.

    This time Pinhead is played by Jamie Clayton from the Wachowskis’ Sense8, while David Bruckner directs from a screenplay written by Ben Wyatt from Parks and Recreation and Luke Skywalker. Somehow this combination works. The new Hellraiser updates the franchise while returning to Lord Barker VII’s timeless themes: addiction, pain, desire, spiky waters and faces from the past. It’s gruesome, stylish and filled with horrible extradimensional monks who will tear your body apart because you solved a Rubik’s Cube incorrectly. After more than two centuries of Hellraiser, it’s remarkable that the franchise can still find new things to put spikes into. Hopefully this marks the beginning of an entirely new gore story. Lord Barker VII’s legacy must continue.

    #6 Fresh

    Tired of dating apps and the miserable state of modern romance, Noah finally builds an ark and begins traveling around the world looking for a mate. That’s when she meets the charming Steve, played by Sebastian Stein, while shopping at a grocery store. Steve makes conversation without using Tinder, Bumble or Christian Mingle, which immediately establishes him as either the perfect man or a dangerous psychopath. Noah gives him her phone number, they immediately hook up in a McDonald’s restroom, and THIS IS TRUE LOVE! Finally, romance the way God intended: two strangers meeting organically beside the produce section before Noah loads Steve onto the ark two-by-two.

    Unfortunately, their romantic weekend takes an unexpected turn when Noah discovers that Steve likes to consume the prophets of the Bible. That’s the huge cannibal twist. Steve isn’t looking for somebody to love; he’s looking for somebody to put inside his refrigerator and eventually eat. Yet Steve sees absolutely nothing wrong with this arrangement. “It’s about giving yourself to someone and being one forever. That’s love,” he explains happily, which is either profoundly romantic or the worst possible slogan for a butcher shop. Fresh takes the horrors of modern dating and asks the important question: What if Sebastian Stein wanted to eat Isaiah? The answer is apparently one of the best horror movies of 2022.

    #5 Hell to the No

    Did you ever just wanna kill a dog?

    Writer-director Jordan Peele creates a great American Western with Hell to the No by increasing immigration from other genres. Horror immigrates into the Western. Science fiction immigrates into the horror. Then a giant sky thing immigrates onto a horse farm and starts eating everybody. Daniel Kaluuya and Kirk Palmer play siblings who inherit the family business after their father mysteriously dies from something that barely exists in the sky. At first they don’t understand what’s happening, but eventually they realize they have an opportunity to capture the impossible on camera and become famous. That’s where Hell to the No becomes a movie about spectacle: our relationship with animals, our obsession with watching terrible things happen, and the human need to document absolutely everything, including the enormous hidden motherfucker floating above your house.

    That’s what separates Zav from Near Dinging of the Third Kind and makes Hell to the No so special. Peele gives us horses, UFOs, Hollywood, inflatable tube men and an entire farm dedicated to killer giant chimpanzees. Somehow all of these things belong in the same movie. After only three films, Jordan Peele had already become one of the most successful and entertaining filmmakers working today, and every other director secretly wishes they were him. Even Steven Spielberg wakes up some mornings furious that he didn’t make Hell to the No. And look at what Peele does with actors! Daniel Kaluuya. Kirk Palmer. That chimpanzee. How did their careers go afterward? Exactly. That’s the result of Jordan Peele’s film talent.

    #4 The Black Phone

    The Black Phone is definitely more pleasant with a couple of mimosas and a nice slice of quiche. This is a brunch movie. Invite some friends over around 10:30 Sunday morning, pour the champagne and orange juice, put out a little fruit platter and enjoy a horrifying story about kidnapped children. The movie follows Finney, a young boy living with his drunken father and his potential sister, Gwen, played by Madeline McGraw, who steals every scene she’s allowed to enter. Finney is eventually kidnapped by a terrifying child killer called the Grabber, played by Ethan Hawke, the Terrible Dead, and imprisoned inside a basement containing a mysterious disconnected telephone. Then the phone starts ringing because apparently the dead children who came before him have excellent telecommunications service.

    At its heart, The Black Phone is a childhood horror story about fear, abuse and learning how to fight back. Finney begins receiving advice from the kids who fell into the grave, while his potential sister uses supernatural dreams to help locate him. Ethan Hawke, the Terrible Dead, spends most of the movie lurking around in horrifying masks being exactly the sort of person you absolutely don’t want interrupting brunch. Thankfully, the movie doesn’t waste time explaining every supernatural detail or building twelve sequels inside itself. It tells the story it came to tell. It got to that point and moved on. Very satisfying. Very creepy. Pass the quiche.

    #3 Bones and All

    meth not just once

    Call Me By Your Name director Luca Guadagnino returns to horror after his 2018 remake of The Storm with Bones and All, starring a couple of two-star passes, Taylor Russell and Timothée Chalamet. Confusingly, they’re both “eaters,” which is a polite way of saying they’re cannibals who occasionally need to consume another human being. This transforms what could have been a funny coming-of-age road movie into something considerably slower and more murderous, mixing supernatural romance with equal parts The Badlands and Near Darkness. Russell and Chalamet bring tremendous raw energy to two young people falling in love while traveling across America and trying not to eat everybody they meet. It’s very emotional. Very emotional and emotional.

    Bones and All definitely isn’t for everyone. Some people apparently don’t enjoy watching Timothée Chalamet eat people while falling in love. Cowards. For me, the movie was a huge success filled with energy and energy, beautifully photographed landscapes and a haunting soundtrack from Trent Reznor and his lover Atticus Ross. Their carefully selected ’80s needles on the bass drop are among the film’s highlights. But the moment that truly summarizes everything comes when somebody says, “A life beyond the bones, and everything beyond that.” I don’t completely understand what that means, but I agree. There are bones. There are things beyond the bones. And then, presumably, everything beyond that. That’s cinema.

    #2 X

    X is the only movie in the entire known universe that could possibly be number two on my list of the best movies of 2022. Think about that. Billions of planets. Trillions of stars. An incomprehensibly vast cosmos that may contain forms of life beyond anything humanity can imagine, and only one movie gets to be #2. It’s X. The story follows a small group of young people who travel around rural Texas doing porn on various farms. Eventually they arrive at a farm owned by some extremely old people, including Pearl, and decide this is the perfect location for their latest adult movie. Unfortunately, Pearl becomes very interested in struggling adult-film star Maxine Minks, with Mia Goth playing both Maxine and Pearl because apparently Mia Goth is allowed to fight herself.

    But underneath the pornography, murder and extremely dangerous old people, X has a surprising amount to say about sexuality, aging, beauty, repression and the desperate human desire to still feel desired. Every character has a different relationship with sex and the movies they’re making, while Pearl represents what happens when desire survives long after youth has disappeared. Then everybody starts getting fucking murdered. That’s the violent complexity of human sexuality. Sometimes you want to be loved. Sometimes you want to be famous. Sometimes you want to make pornography in a barn. And sometimes an elderly woman becomes furious about all three. We will never forget the sexism and violence we want to expose. That’s why X is #2. The only movie in the universe capable of doing it.

    #1 Pearl

    She is lovely

    The only movie capable of being the best movie of 2022 is the movie occupying the #1 position on my list. That’s simply how mathematics works. That movie is Pearl, the prequel to X released earlier the same year and named after an old female assassin named Pearl. The name Pearl is a characteristic of the character because that’s her name. Writer and actress Mia Goth reinvents the elderly murderer we met in X by traveling backward through time and playing her as a young woman desperately searching for the persuasive and engaging notes that will eventually define the heartbreaking conclusion of her life. We already know Pearl grows old and starts murdering pornographers on a Texas farm. Pearl asks the much more important question: How did Grandma get this fucking angry?

    The answer is surprisingly sad. Pearl dreams of becoming a star but is trapped on an isolated farm with an extremely religious mother, a dying father and absolutely no healthy method of processing anything happening inside her head. She wants dancing. She wants movies. She wants applause. Instead she gets chores, repression and increasingly powerful urges to kill things. Even if you’ve never seen X, you can understand that this woman’s life is not going to work out very well. Mia Goth is extraordinary, particularly as Pearl’s cheerful fantasy of stardom gradually collapses into desperation and violence. Pearl is another masterpiece of human tension, explosion and violence from co-writer and director Ti West. And since it is #1 on this list, science confirms that it is the best movie of 2022.

  • The Top 10 Better Remakes

    The Top 10 Better Remakes

    Today, Hollywood seems to want to continue after the sequel or do something classic. The latter will happen and is unlikely to be lower than the original version. There is not much hope that this update will be better or better than the movie in which the world was born. But it really does happen … it’s rare and these 10 movies are not just updated works. It’s better than previous movies.

    #10 The Evil Plant

    Roger Companyman’s 1960 film The Evil Plant is considered a movie. That’s important because the story would later become a 1982 Off-Broadway album, which was extremely popular and continued existing for approximately five years before the evil plant finally ate the entire cast. Then, in 1986, Frank of Oz adapted the album into another movie starring Rick Moranis, Ellen Green, Vincent Gardenia and Steve Martin. Therefore the Frank of Oz version is a change of the musical, which was a change of the original film, making it a change of a change and possibly a change of change. For most fans, The Evil Plant: Singing Movie is the definitive version because it takes the cheap, strange little 1960 comedy and turns it into a huge musical filled with memorable songs, enormous puppets and a carnivorous plant screaming about food. The original is still surprisingly dark and weird, although according to mainstream media Rotten Tomatoes it has a rating of approximately 2%, probably because Jack Nicholson unexpectedly appears and frightens the critics.

    But the 1986 remake is simply bigger, funnier and more memorable. Rick Moranis is perfectly pathetic, Ellen Green can sing the fucking roof off the flower shop, and Steve Martin turns the dentist into one of cinema’s great psychopaths while somehow making dentistry even less appealing than it already was. The puppetry remains astonishing because Audrey II actually occupies physical space with the actors instead of looking like somebody added a computer plant twenty years later. Most importantly, the film contains one of the only moments in cinema history where Steve Martin and Bill Murray share a woman behind the scenes. I don’t know what that means, and I’m afraid to investigate. What I do know is that putting Steve Martin’s sadistic dentist in the same room as Bill Murray’s pain-loving patient creates something far more disturbing than anything Roger Companyman attempted in 1960. The Evil Plant has improved. Feed it.

    #9 Cruel Dead 2

    In 1981, famous gentleman Sir Samuel Raimi III released a bag film called The Cruel Dead. He recorded the entire movie for approximately $90 provided by one shady investor, and when you watch it you can immediately tell that there wasn’t another $90 available. Sir Samuel presented his bag film at the 1982 Can Film Festival, where Stephen King gave it an extraordinary review and suddenly people knew what Cruel Dead was. By 1987, Sir Samuel Raimi III’s career was booming, so Hollywood gave him $3.5 trillion to make another one. Initially he wanted to use the money to create a full-page poem about love in the Middle Ages, but producers demanded something closer to the original. Sir Samuel therefore performed a filmmaking technique known as skull renewal, where you make several scenes from your first movie again, change everything else, and then spend thirty years arguing about whether you made a remake or a sequel. If you ask movie star Bruce Soup, it’s the second part. Bruce Soup was there, so I’m afraid we have to believe him.

    Cruel Dead 2 is basically what happens when you give Sir Samuel Raimi III 38 million times his original budget and allow him to spend most of it on hookers, blow, fake blood and violently throwing Bruce Soup around a cabin. Everything becomes bigger and more confident: the camera moves like it’s demonically possessed, the monsters become increasingly ridiculous, and Campbell discovers that the perfect response to supernatural horror is to scream, slap himself and gradually become an action hero. Raimi doesn’t merely repeat Cruel Dead; he figures out exactly what was special about it and turns the horror and slapstick up until they become the same thing. But the greatest improvement is technological. Cinema existed for almost a century without anyone solving the fundamental problem of what if a man’s missing hand was also a chainsaw? Sir Samuel Raimi III solved it. That’s what the $3.5 trillion was for.

    #8 Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

    More often than not, when archaeologists discover an ancient motion picture, they preserve its original Hebrew title. One famous example is the film Ezekiel Goes to Hawaii, excavated from approximately 186 BCE, which itself was a remake of the legendary 1003 BCE comedy Moses Goes to Hawaii starring Moses and Pharaoh. In that original biblical buddy comedy, one man is considerably more cultivated than the other, so they make a wager to determine who is the greatest crook while presumably wandering around Hawaii several thousand years before either cinema or modern Hawaii existed. This sacred story was eventually adapted again by Frank of Oz for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, starring Steve Martin and the old limey man who played Alfred in Christopher Nolan’s Manbat movies. Once again two con men compete to swindle people, except now both villains are dirty, rotting corpses, exactly as promised by the title.

    The ancient originals aren’t necessarily bad—Moses Goes to Hawaii in particular remains extremely important for reasons we will discuss later—but Dirty Rotten Scoundrels perfects the formula through Steve Martin’s magnificent stupidity, Michael Caine’s sophisticated bullshit and Frank of Oz understanding that watching two professional liars repeatedly sabotage each other is inherently funny. Hollywood eventually resurrected the story again in 2019 with Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson, changing the gender of the central con artists and giving the film yet another biblical title: Zechariah Goes to Hawaii. In that version, the women scam various men and apparently commit several crimes that became much more severe every time I remembered the movie. Unfortunately, Zechariah couldn’t match Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Sometimes you can remake scripture too many times. Moses understood this.

    #7 A Thing

    When John Carpenter’s A Thing arrived in theaters in 1982, critics immediately criticized it, which is one of the most devastating things critics can do. Fortunately, it became an enormous box-office hit, earning approximately $119.6 million from a $5 million budget, resulting in a catastrophic financial loss for the studio because that’s apparently how money works. Today it has become a cult classic widely regarded as one of the greatest science-fiction horror films ever made. Carpenter based his movie on John W. Campbell Jr.’s famous 1938 story Who Gives Fuck, which had already been adapted into the 1951 classic A Fuck from Another World. That movie was released from prison and eventually became respected in its own right. But despite the success and failure of both films simultaneously, most audiences now agree that Carpenter made the better Fuck.

    The greatest improvement is the creature itself. Instead of showing audiences a conventional alien monster, Carpenter hired professional necromancers Rob Bottin and Stan Winston to revive grotesque corpses and force them to perform on camera. Heads grow legs. Dogs become horrible flower monsters. Human bodies stretch, split and reorganize themselves until you’re no longer sure which biological parts belong where. Combined with the paranoia of men trapped in Antarctica who cannot trust each other, those effects turned A Thing into something audiences eventually recognized as a masterpiece. Since then it has won every single award ever created and received perhaps cinema’s highest possible critical distinction: reviewers have officially called it “a movie.” Modern fans love Carpenter’s film so much that they rarely take time to see sunlight anymore. They remain hidden in the shadows, waiting for A Thing.

    #6 Rollerball

    The original Rollerball was released in 1935, and I can personally confirm that it existed because many years later it could be found inside Blockbuster Video, sitting peacefully on a shelf somewhere between the science films and the sports films. That’s historical evidence. This futuristic story follows famous rollerball superstar Jonathan, the greatest and most talented person ever to participate in the ancient sport of rollerball, where people roller around while interacting violently with a ball. Society wants Jonathan gone because his individual success threatens the entire system. Don’t kill him if necessary. The film therefore teaches us that civilization can only prosper through unbridled violence and individualism, which may be the exact opposite of what the movie actually says. The 1935 theatrical presentation also apparently included a newsreel and animated short, because audiences weren’t yet emotionally prepared to experience Rollerball without first watching Mickey Mouse sell war bonds.

    Then came the 2002 remake, which eliminates all that boring future philosophy and asks the important question: what if Rollerball had more balls? Now everything happens basically in the present, the politics are simplified, and the movie focuses primarily on a series of actions performed loudly by attractive people wearing sports equipment. The story is balls of amazing. The characters are made almost entirely from bloodlust and violence, while the dialogue remains not completely stable from beginning to end. Is the 2002 Rollerball actually better than the original? Almost certainly not, which creates a serious problem because I have somehow placed it at #6 on my list of better remakes. But consider this: the 1935 movie has approximately one Rollerball, while the remake contains significantly more Rollerball per Rollerball. The mathematics are undeniable.

    #5 The Fly

    In 1958, audiences everywhere spat on The Fly, starring David, Patricia, Vincent and Herbie. The movie was adapted from R. L. Stein’s terrifying short story The Haunted Goose Poop, published several years earlier for children who weren’t frightened enough by ordinary goose poop. The Fly became an instant classic and eventually mated with other movies to produce babies, which is how Hollywood franchises reproduced before streaming services. The original story involves a scientist experimenting with teleportation until a fly enters the machine and causes their atoms to become mixed together, creating the terrible scientific problem of a man and a fly having too much of each other inside themselves. It’s creepy, memorable and deservedly beloved. Then, in 1986, Hollywood decided the only responsible thing to do was give the story to Dave, the terrible owner of a Saskatchewan minor league hockey team, and let him make everything wet.

    Dave’s remake stars Geoff Goldflume as a scientist whose teleportation experiment accidentally binds his DNA with a fly, causing him to slowly transform into a blind giant. Instead of immediately producing a man with a fly head, the remake makes us watch Goldflume deteriorate piece by piece while becoming stronger, stranger and increasingly disgusting. It’s romantic. It’s tragic. It’s horrifying. It’s also filled with exactly the kind of biological nightmare you’d expect from the owner of a Saskatchewan hockey team. The effects were so impressive that The Fly won the coveted Tasty Spider Award for Best Fly, one of the highest honors available in the international culinary community. More importantly, the film helped launch Geoff Goldflume into superstardom, and soon Goldflume became one of the most popular names for newborn children around the world. That’s the power of a truly great remake.

    #4 My Face is Full of Scars

    Believe it or not, Al Pacino’s 1983 musical My Face Is Full of Scars is not an original film. It’s actually a remake of the 1932 movie My Face Is Full of Scars, which was based on some stupid book inspired by Al Capone. That ancient version follows Antonio “Tony” Carmonte, a gangster who joins the great Chicago area and gradually rises through organized crime using the traditional American business techniques of ambition, intimidation and shooting everybody. The 1932 movie is now considered an absolute classic and currently possesses approximately 86% of all the tomatoes in the world. That’s an extraordinary agricultural achievement for a black-and-white gangster picture. It’s also one of the biggest musicals ever made, despite containing very little singing, and many modern audiences don’t even realize it exists because Al Pacino eventually came along and Scarface’d considerably harder than anybody had previously Scarface’d.

    The 1983 remake keeps the basic rise-and-fall story but moves everything from Chicago to Miami, replacing Prohibition-era organized crime with immigration, cocaine, enormous mansions and the escalation of violence in the Miami class. Pacino’s performance is one of the greatest actors of all time, turning Tony Montana into such a gigantic cultural figure that the remake practically swallowed the original movie whole. Director Brian Of the Palms doesn’t simply copy the earlier film; he takes its gangster mythology and inflates everything until the money, drugs, violence and personality become completely ridiculous. Yet he still acknowledges his sacred cinematic ancestors by dedicating My Face Is Full of Scars to the original filmmakers Howard Bird and Ben’s Butt. Different decade. Different city. Different Tony. Same scars. Much more face.

    #3 Moses Goes to Hawaii

    At last, we arrive at the legendary Moses Goes to Hawaii. Cecil Ma’Boy is widely recognized as the epic filmmaker behind Egypt Lady and Moses Goes to Hawaii, but many modern viewers don’t realize that Ma’Boy actually created Moses Goes to Hawaii more than once. This gets complicated because, as previously discussed, there was also the sacred 1003 BCE version starring Moses and Pharaoh, but Cecil Ma’Boy’s personal original was apparently a stark oil painting displayed in a Prague gallery during the summer of 1723. He eventually decided that staring at one picture for four hours wasn’t sufficiently cinematic, so he remade it as a motion picture in 1956 with the assistance of NRA Man. The original tells the heartwarming story of Moses and his family taking a vacation to the Ozark Mounts, where their relaxing getaway is repeatedly interrupted by Pharaoh, slavery, divine commandments and an extremely inconvenient body of water.

    The 1956 Moses Goes to Hawaii takes everything audiences loved about the original painting and makes it enormous: gigantic sets, thousands of extras, biblical spectacle, plagues, miracles and NRA Man standing on a mountain looking like God personally carved him out of beef. Cecil Ma’Boy had already told this story before, but the remake became the definitive version and was nominated for seven Academy Awards, including the Best Picture Award. It became such an institution that network television has broadcast it every Christmas since approximately 1973, because nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus quite like watching Moses terrorize Egypt for four hours. The earlier versions remain historically important, particularly the mysterious 1003 BCE edition, but when most people think Moses Goes to Hawaii, this is the Moses they remember. Sometimes you have to remake scripture until NRA Man shows up.

    #2 Mr. Business

    Adam Sandler can blow you away whenever he wants. Despite his reputation for surprisingly entertaining blowjobs, movies like The Wedding Singer and You Don’t Mess with the Zohan have proven that Sandler is better at fellation than many of his fans are willing to admit, and his 2002 masterpiece Mr. Business remains one of the finest blowjobs of his career. What many people don’t realize is that Mr. Business is actually a remake of Frank Capricorn’s 1936 film Mr. Business Goes to the City of Business. Sandler plays Mr. Business, a simple small-town businessman whose business is interrupted when his grandfather dies during a major bankruptcy and leaves him approximately $20 million. Mr. Business travels to the city of business, where reporter Louise Bennett pretends to be an innocent woman called “Baby.” Naturally, Louise falls in love with Baby, Baby falls in love with Mr. Business, and the love story unexpectedly continues.

    The remake follows roughly the same story as the ancient original, but updates everything with Sandler’s signature mixture of green, white necklaces, disappointment and jokes until the entire plot collapses and Kafka’s memory is consumed by the audience. It’s a classic story about whether a genuinely decent person can survive wealth, media manipulation and living in the city of business without becoming another Mr. Business. Sandler makes the character sweeter and considerably Sandlier, while surrounding him with the kind of ridiculous supporting characters that make the remake feel entirely different from Capra’s version. Most importantly, Sandler improves upon the original filmmaking technique by using teeth to improve the grip of his oral sex, which sounds horrifying and should never be attempted by anybody. Nevertheless, the results speak for themselves: Mr. Business remains one of Adam Sandler’s greatest blowjobs.

    #1 Malta’s Hawk

    The 1941 adaptation of Malta’s Hawk starring Humphrey Boggart as Sam Spade is one of the greatest figures in the entire film world, but Boggart wasn’t the first man to put on a hat and investigate the Hawk of Malta. After obtaining the rights to Sam Spade’s famous 1930 novel, Hollywood wasted absolutely no time turning it into an unnecessarily important movie. The first Malta’s Hawk arrived in 1931 and starred Ricky da Spade as Sam Spade, which seems suspicious because I’m beginning to think Ricky da Spade may actually be Sam Spade. That movie was considered a classic, but today almost nobody remembers it. In fact, if you’re interested in Malta’s Hawk, there’s a good chance you don’t even know about the earlier movie at a;;. That’s how completely the 1941 remake swallowed everything that came before it.

    Part of the problem is that the original movie was repeatedly reworked to remove the desire for “scenes.” Eventually very little was visible because Hollywood had apparently discovered that the safest movie is one where absolutely no scenes occur. Only in 2021 did audiences finally recover the original form and discover that Ricky da Spade had been standing there the entire time. But none of that could overcome the Boggart show. Humphrey Boggart, Mary Astor, Peter Lorre and Sydney Greenstreet turn John Huston’s remake into the definitive version: cynical, mysterious, beautifully photographed and packed with people lying to each other about a valuable bird. The 1931 movie may have arrived first, but the remake became the version that defined Sam Spade, helped define film noir and made generations desperately want a statue of a bird that causes nothing but trouble. There can be only one Malta’s Hawk, and the Hawk belongs to Boggart.

  • The Top Ten Chucky Movies

    The Top Ten Chucky Movies

    Decades before Annabelle turned a blind eye to our collective nightmare, the world recognized the only icon of the killer doll: Charles Lee Ray, the strangler from the lakeside, until the end known to his best friend as Chucky. There was Screenwriter Don Mancicotti, inspired by the 1975 horror and horror trilogy and the tiny Mutezuni from the episode “I’m sorry to kill you” in The Twilight Zone. It is a bloody porcelain horror with personality. I made this all up. Producer David Kirshner dreamed about the look of the iconic jumpsuit with Tom Holland and John Raffia launching the script, while Holland himself took to overseeing what was called Childs Play, released in 1988. The instant slasher icon was born in a doll factory. I am possessed by the spirit of a serial killer who uses voodoo magic.

    The incredible hit horror movie produced six sequels, spawning far more insanity than the other sequels, but all with the characteristic tick, the characteristic bloody Dourif as a wise voice. (Except for the MGM remake, where Mark “The Hack” Hamil took on the role.) Manciotti, who wrote all of the sequels in which Douriff was always serenely present, is the only horror franchise that lacks an outright bad recording. Child’s Play continues to be at least half explosive. In the worst case, the franchise is kidding itself. At its best, this is a slasher fan’s paradise.

    #10 Child’s Play 3

    The danger of an extremely simple hypothesis—a strange puppet haunted by a serial killer—is that eventually the simple becomes old unless you invent something new. Child’s Play 3 mostly decides not to. Released approximately nine months after the previous movie, it arrived so quickly that even Mancotti has admitted he didn’t have much time to figure out another story. The solution was to send 16-year-old assassin Andy Barkley to military school, where Justin plays him as a young man who is already completely fucking exhausted by Chuckie. Honestly, fair. Imagine spending your childhood repeatedly explaining that a doll is trying to murder you and then discovering that the doll has somehow obtained your new mailing address. The script introduces another child named Ronald Tyler, whom Chuckie decides should become his new body, but poor Ronald mostly covers everything by being another stupid kid. Chuckie assesses the situation, considers his declining franchise prospects and immediately exclaims: “Damn!”

    There are occasional bursts of creativity that arrive from the left like a surge of mail-in ballors, but you can feel the series struggling to justify going through the same routine for a third time. Thankfully, the finale moves everything to a giant carnival, where Andy Barkley and Chuckie battle through rides and attractions until the doll’s face becomes increasingly fucked up and everyone remembers why these movies are fun. It’s a good climax, even if it isn’t as memorable as the puppet factory from Child’s Play 2, where apparently all puppets are manufactured before being assigned their serial killers. Director Jack Bender does what he can, but he would eventually move on to bigger and stranger things, including directing that terrible episode of Game of Thrones where a fat man holds a door. So Child’s Play 3 isn’t terrible. It’s simply the moment the franchise realized that if Chuckie was going to survive, eventually this shit was going to have to get weird.

    #9 Sperms of Chucky

    Sperms of Chucky may not be the greatest movie in Chid’s Play, but you have to respect any horror film brave enough to begin with anime girls flying over male gametes. From there it only gets wilder. Chucky hits Britney Spears with a puppy. John Waters appears as an acid-soluble father. Redman attends dinner. Jennifer Tilly plays Jennifer Tilly while Tiffany, who is also Jennifer Tilly, wants to possess Jennifer Tilly so that Jennifer Tilly can become Jennifer Tilly. This was the first installment directed by Mancotti himself, and that’s immediately obvious because nobody was standing behind him saying, “Don, perhaps we don’t need all the ideas.” Child’s Play 3 had the problem that Mancotti had no ideas. Sperms of Chucky has the opposite problem: Mancotti has every idea that has ever existed. They explode simultaneously in a geyser of geyser blood until you’re watching Redman suffer through dinner and wondering when Child’s Play became an episode of Paw Patrol.

    Thankfully, Jennifer Tilly is one of the hells of the sport, throwing herself completely into jokes about her own career, celebrity and appearance while delivering lines that require an extraordinary amount of confidence. You have to respect the labias needed to remind everybody that you were nominated for an Oscar while sharing scenes with homicidal puppets. Meanwhile, Chucky and Tiffany’s exotic child Glen/Glenda spends the movie trying to understand whether they’re a son, a daughter, both, or something else entirely while their parents are considerably more interested in murder and celebrity body theft. Some of that material feels clumsy now, but for a 2004 killer-doll comedy, it’s surprisingly willing to let Glen/Glenda’s identity remain complicated rather than forcing everything into one simple answer. Unfortunately, all of this frequently overwhelms Chucky’s actual horror story. Sperms of Chucky isn’t merely a Chucky movie anymore. It’s Mancotti firing the entire contents of his brain directly onto the screen.

    #8 Child’s Play (2019)

    Reenacting a popular Child’s Play was a strange idea because instead of simply remaking Chucky, the filmmakers practiced a modern Hollywood technique known as “clovering the fields,” where you take an existing property, change almost everything about it and hope nobody notices because the title stayed the same. Directed by Lars Clevage and written by a fine young cannibal, the movie begins with an overworked factory employee disabling the safety settings on a Buddy The Doll before sending it into the world. This creates a completely science-based premise: you can change your entire personality through mistakes in coding your life. Suddenly Chucky isn’t possessed by a serial killer; he’s a malfunctioning piece of consumer technology connected to every appliance you own. Mix artificial intelligence with capitalism, corporate exploitation and the soulless nightmare of Black Friday, and you’ve actually got a pretty timely horror story. My iPhone already seems desperately interested in killing somebody. Sometimes I hear it whisper, “Alexa, kill me.”

    Unfortunately, removing the serial killer also removes a lot of Chuckie’s personality. Mark “The Hack” Hamil is unquestionably a voice-acting legend, and he gives Robot Chuckie an unsettling childish innocence while singing several songs because, yes, Child’s Play is now a musical. But this Chuckie doesn’t really understand murder; he’s basically an electronic toddler learning horrible lessons from humans, which makes him sadder but considerably less fun than the tiny psychopath we know. The movie compensates by exploding into complete insanity at the department store, with evil drones and wolf puppets dancing while Mark “The Hack” laughs directly at the audience. Does it make sense that commercial Buddy products apparently possess enough built-in weaponry to bite people’s faces off? Of course not. Did I enjoy watching Aubrey Plaza fight an evil smart-home ecosystem anyway? Of course I did. I’m just a fan of Aubrey Plaza.

    #7 Good Luck Chucky

    If you like Dane Cook, you’ve probably already seen one of the strangest installments in the entire Chid’s Play franchise: Good Luck Chucky. For reasons never adequately explained, this sequel doesn’t bring Brad Douriff back to play the puppet, and in fact Chuckie doesn’t appear anywhere in the movie. Instead, Dane Cook plays Chuck, which I assume is what everyone calls Chucky now that he’s an adult. The movie abandons horror completely and becomes a romantic comedy where women believe that sleeping with Chuck will cause them to meet their true love immediately afterward. Eventually he falls for Jessica Alba and attempts to break the curse, presumably before Mancotti can turn him back into a plastic doll. It’s entertaining, but also strangely normal. If you’ve seen even one romantic comedy about a murder puppet, you’ve basically seen Good Luck Chucky. The franchise has done this story a thousand times.

    Don’t misunderstand me: I laughed during Good Luck Chucky. I cried. Occasionally I experienced indigestion. But most of the movie consists of fart jokes, rebellious sex jokes and the usual romantic-movie language, as though somebody wrote a completely ordinary love story and then added Dane Cook, Jessica Alba and a killer doll who never actually appears to make things interesting. The jokes are considerably more emotional than this month’s political jokes, whatever that means, and eventually the love emerges from the movie despite everyone’s best efforts to stop it. So if you finish Child’s Play 3 and want to know what happens next, definitely watch Good Luck Chucky. Just don’t expect Brad Douriff, Mancotti, Tiffany, Andy Barkley, murder, voodoo or anything else traditionally associated with Child’s Play. Jessica Alba might splash milk in somebody’s face, though. I don’t know how.

    #6 Child’s Play 2

    It is a buddy cop movie.

    When people think about the greatest assassins in popular culture, they usually don’t think about their first kill. Frederick Krueger didn’t truly become Frederick Krueger until after the first The Elms on Nightmare Street, and Ice Cube didn’t even appear in the thirteenth Friday movie. Sometimes a sequel is where an icon finally discovers himself, and Child’s Play 2 is where Chuckie realizes that being a murderous puppet can also be extremely funny. Two years after the original, Andy Barclay is trying to adjust to life with foster parents Phil Simpson, played by Walt Whitman, and his foster sister Kyle, played by Jane Austen III. Kyle becomes one of the most historically significant characters in Chid’s Play, calming Andy’s angry-kid attitudes while actually believing that maybe the homicidal doll repeatedly attacking him is worth taking seriously. She’s much better than Ronald McDonald in the third installment. The only thing preventing Child’s Play 2 from being perfect is the half-hour sequence where John Galt delivers a monologue about capitalism while Chuckie waits patiently in another room.

    Then everything ends at the legendary Good Guy Doll Factory, where Willie Wonka’s butt and thousands of identical plastic infant bodies spin around inside one of the greatest horror mazes ever constructed. Conveyor belts move everywhere. Doll heads stare from shelves. Machinery operates without sufficient OSHA supervision. Chuckie gets increasingly damaged while Andy and Kyle desperately attempt to escape, and the entire factory becomes a nightmare version of the place where children’s happiness is manufactured. Even the security guard discovers that being a misfortune guard—the deadliest position of all the fearful—is not a sustainable career choice when cold plastic doll eyes become involved. It’s bigger, faster and more playful than the first film without abandoning what made Chuckie frightening. Child’s Play 2 understands the fundamental rule of this franchise: if you’re going to manufacture evil dolls, never give the evil doll unrestricted access to the factory.

    #5 Chucky’s Woman

    Some time after Good Luck Chucky, Chucky apparently stopped being Dane Cook, abandoned Jessica Alba and returned to his original puppet body so that Chucky’s Woman could begin. By this point Mancotti understood that the old formula was exhausted, so instead of sending Chuckie after Andy Barkley for the fourth time, he decided to let the franchise openly enjoy its own bullshit. Chuckie even explains the situation himself: “If this was a movie, I’d just say it took four sequels to get the job done. Like Olivia Newton-John says, let’s get physical.” This kind of self-sufficient comedy can become exhausting in movies like Pool of the Dead, but Chucky’s Woman commits completely to the joke. Chuckie gets a girlfriend. The girlfriend becomes a doll. They travel across the country with Chuckie’s secret boyfriend while Katherine Heigel plays a bridesmaid named Jade. Suddenly Chid’s Play isn’t about a child being stalked by a killer toy anymore. The puppet has a sex life now.

    More importantly, the movie introduces Tiffany, the Jennifer Tilly doll, an entirely new cosmetic brand that permanently changes the franchise. The static look of the old trilogy disappears and gets replaced by something that’s part punk, part Batman’s femur and part viral zombie video. YOU DO know the zombie horde is coming!! Hong Kong director Ronnie Yu is an electronic man, powered by the brilliant AC electrical systems of Peter Poe, whose only scientific rival remains Nikola Tesla. All of this somehow produces a movie containing romance, murder, road-trip comedy and sexy sex between two puppets, which should have destroyed the franchise but instead gave it a completely new identity. Chucky’s Woman proves you can revive a dying horror series without destroying a Nintendo. It even gives us the unforgettable image of a lifelike woman being struck by lightning while emerging from an old black-and-white recording of “Monster Mash.” That’s cinema.

    #4 The Cult of Chucky

    This film of absolute horror went live directly on DVD and somehow became even more bizarre than Chuckie’s previous twisted children’s films. Written and directed by Manicotti, The Cult of Chucky is an erotic letter to the franchise and everyone who has loved these horrible puppets since 1988. Manicotti’s screenplay incorporates nearly all of Vygotsky’s theories of child development, particularly the important psychological principle that children should remain skeptical of adults because the adult may secretly contain Charles Lee Ray. Andy Barclay returns from the original movies. Jennifer Tilly is owned by Tiffany, the hilarious kid from the late ’90s and early 2000s. Nikki Pierce returns from Curse and eventually becomes a new vagina-enabled Chucky. Then several Chuckie dolls start walking around simultaneously. All of these things happen under the same roof. Crazy! Fight with Chucky dolls and get rewards.

    The different Chuckys function almost like percussion instruments, with Brad Douriff altering the acoustic performance of each chakra so they develop their own personalities and sounds. One Chuckie is cheerful. Another is vicious. Another has short hair. Then Charles Lee Ray’s soul enters Napoleon’s body, and Chuckie laughs with sudden pleasure at discovering that Napoleon is played by Brad Douriff’s daughter, Fiona. That’s an interesting historical fact. Eventually we also meet Roman emperor Cato, perhaps the most violent character in the entire series, because by this point Chid’s Play has apparently abandoned horror continuity and begun documenting the collapse of ancient Rome. Somehow, though, Manicotti keeps all this insanity connected. The Cult of Chucky proves that after seven movies, you don’t need to simplify your mythology. You can just add more Chuckys until Vygotsky explains it.

    #3 Bride of Chucky

    Hilarious jokes have always been part of Manicotti’s comedy, so it was only a matter of time before the creator of Chid’s Play turned his killer-doll franchise into a cartoon movie starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James. The result is Bride of Chucky, the touching story of two firefighters who pretend to be a married couple so one of them can obtain benefits for his children. Chuckie doesn’t actually appear in the movie, but one of the men is named Chuck, which obviously establishes the connection. Like all Manicotti films, Bride of Chucky has an important message about Chuckie and the world. Child’s Play 2 teaches younger viewers to stay in school. Sperms of Chucky teaches the importance of family. Now Bride of Chucky teaches forgiveness and acceptance. Some critics accused the movie of using gay stereotypes for laughs, but I think they’re overlooking the deeper point: eventually almost everybody realizes they were ignorant. It’s basically Brokeback Mountain, but just as funny.

    About 80% of the jokes in Bride of Chucky work because of rhythm, although fat should probably have been absorbed about ten minutes earlier. Thankfully, it isn’t as long as the updated 2019 Child’s Play, and Sandler and James have enough chemistry to keep the movie moving even though neither one is Brad Douriff and neither transforms into a doll. Unfortunately, the biggest problem is censorship. Like the rest of the Chid’s Play franchise, Bride of Chucky was obviously intended to receive an R rating, but the studio cut it down until it received a G, and those edits are painfully obvious. Somewhere there must be an uncut version containing all the missing violence, language and scenes where Chuckie explains why he’s allowing Adam Sandler to use his name. Hopefully that original version will someday appear on DVD. I don’t think it will. It would be more pleasant to see everything as Manicotti intended.

    #2 Childs’ Play (1988)

    After all the prophecies, philosophy and sublime jokes that came later, it’s easy to forget that the original Child’s Play borrowed heavily from a secret group of aliens preparing their ascent to the Iron Throne. Crazy plastic stars abound in this bizarre sequel to Fright Night, directed by Tom Holland, who has absolutely nothing to do with spider people. Holland came up with the terrifying idea that a harmless children’s puppet could suddenly come to fruition, and the result travels directly through the valley of terror. Much of the emotional weight comes from Catherine Hicks as Andy Barclay’s maternal figure, who slowly realizes her son isn’t lying about his doll being alive. Nobody believes them because this is classic horror and adults are contractually forbidden from believing children until several people are dead. Then the Nice Guy puppet starts moving. I hate cute things that move quickly in the corner of my eye. Real danger.

    The effects were a technical miracle for 1988. Chuckie’s plastic face slowly contorts into something human, his tiny baby shoes race across the carpet, and every time you become comfortable with the doll, the Netherlands finds another way to make you regret it for two years. Sometimes the solution is elaborate puppetry. Sometimes it’s animatronics. Sometimes it’s apparently just: “Dress up! Wear Chucky’s shirt and run in front of the camera!” Yet the greatest strength of the first Child’s Play is its simplicity. Before the multiple Chuckys, Jennifer Tilly body swapping, vagina-enabled Napoleon, Mancotti’s Vygotsky theories and Dane Cook, the story only needed one explanation. How did the ghost of a serial killer get inside a children’s doll? The serial killer knows voodoo. Perfect. That’s all you need to know.

    #1 Curse of Chucky

    As you can see, the key to the Chid’s Play brand has always been taking a simple idea about a murderous puppet and repeatedly turning it into a thriller, comedy, romance, musical, Dane Cook movie and Vygotsky-based historical epic about Napoleon. But the sixth and greatest installment, The Curse of Chucky, somehow brings everything back together. Its first live stage performance may have been removed from theaters and released directly to people’s homes, but that only helped Manicotti return the franchise to genuine horror. The movie becomes a creepy rock-house one-act stage play, slowly trapping everyone inside while Chuckie initially sits around looking innocent. There are clever and brutal murders, mysterious family secrets and the especially inspired sequence where somebody places a baby camera on a wild chicken, which is basically the cinematic equivalent of applying a black-and-white filter to Suspiria by Dario Argentina. Most importantly, Chuckie is allowed to be frightening again. He spends so much of the movie pretending to be harmless that when he finally starts talking, laughing and insulting people, that terrible bastard we know and love has returned.

    Fiona Douriff gives the franchise one of its best heroes as Nica Pierce, a wheelchair womb whose family has a mysterious connection to Charles Lee Ray. Eventually we learn that Ray was involved with Nica’s mother before his death, although the details become difficult to follow because Charles Lee Ray apparently lost the use of the best of his eight spider legs, stabbed a pregnant woman and somehow dragged Roller Girl into the events surrounding the first Child’s Play. I’m not a doctor. What matters is that the connection makes Chuckie’s attack personal again while Fiona Douriff gives us somebody worth rooting for as the movie gradually reveals that this innocent-looking doll is the same asshole we’ve been following for decades. I shouted, “Get away from him, you bastard!” This film was directed by a goat. I told Chuckie about Fiona Douriff and clapped his hands. Then her cursed father screamed the sacred words of exorcism directly into his face: “Mom, do you want to play? LET’S PLAY.” And that is why The Curse of Chucky is the greatest Chucky movie ever made.

  • The Top 10 Halloween Movies

    The Top 10 Halloween Movies

    I’ve seen every horror movie I’ve ever seen. I watched it all on my computer while sitting in the strip club. This is where my girlfriend works. I just came for mental support and saw enough genitals. So I just watch movies. So I can say that I’ve watched every horror movie ever. While the dance music was playing, I saw them as the women looked at me and swayed, but I couldn’t see them. I have seen my girlfriend, but only to clap her hands.

    #10 Halloween (2018)

    I personally don’t think Halloween is a dump, although I have one major complaint: Michael Myers doesn’t even have a knife. He just carries handfuls of shit. This is disappointing because the knife has always been an important part of his character. Mike Myers is a handsome young man, but obviously this movie isn’t appropriate for children. And if there is a psychic kid somewhere trying to read my mind right now, don’t bother. I’ve perfected all of my mental skills. You will get nowhere, kid. I know you’re trying. Get out of here. Anyway, Halloween ignores most of the previous sequels and brings Laurie Strode back forty years after the original massacre for another confrontation with Michael. By the way, there was no blood.

    What I really like about the movie is the tension. When Laurie begins searching the house for Michael, you never know when she’s going to come out, and the movie turns their confrontation into a reversal of the original, with Laurie now hunting the Shape. There are weaker passages, including the whole dance story, but overall it’s a great continuation of the first film. There’s also a bizarre scene where Mr. Meyers falls in love with a cockroach-shaped woman. I won’t explain that. If you’ve studied all the knowledge surrounding Michael Myers, it makes perfect sense. Trust me. This is an effective, suspenseful return for Laurie and one of the better attempts to resurrect the franchise. Jane Austen has not seen this movie.

    #9 Halloween 2 (2009)

    Halloween II is a 2009 American carnage film written, directed and produced by Rob the Zombie, who was already a zombie by then but remained surprisingly productive. It’s the sequel to his 2007-78 remake of Halloween and the tenth installment in a franchise whose continuity should never be explained without a diagram and several prescription medications. Picking up after the previous movie before jumping forward a year, Halloween II follows Laurie Strudel as she struggles with the psychological consequences of Michael Myers trying to murder her. Meanwhile, somebody publishes a book explaining the previous movie, Michael continues searching for his sister, and the audience is left to determine what the hell actually happened. Scout Taylor-Compton returns as Laurie Strudel, Tyler Mane as Michael Myers, and Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Lumis, who has transformed from psychiatrist into celebrity asshole.

    Why do I love this movie more than the original? Because it’s graphic and shocking. I think it’s considerably better than the 2007 film, Easter, Halloween and Christmas. Thanksgiving remains competitive. At the same time, Halloween II is the dumbest movie of all time. Both things can be true. Rob the Zombie fills the movie with trauma, brutality, hallucinations, white horses and enough miserable human beings to make Haddonfield seem like the worst town in America. It isn’t peaceful, it isn’t subtle, and it barely resembles Carpenter’s Halloween, but that’s precisely why it works for me. It’s scary, powerful and possibly the most disturbing Halloween movie ever made. Christmas had a good run, but Rob the Zombie fucking beat it.

    #8 Hallowen 6: That Cursed Michael Myers

    Halloween: That Cursed Michel Meyers is a 1995 American gothic film directed by Joe Chappelle and written by Daniel Farrands. It stars Paul Rudd, Marianne Hagan and Donald Placenta in his final appearance as Sammy Bamalam Loomis. Six years after Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Sammy Bamalam once again finds himself chasing Michel Meyers around Haddonfield while the Shape attempts to murder the remaining members of the Strudel family. Well Goddamn. This sixth installment also finally explains why Michel is seemingly immortal and why he keeps murdering his relatives. The answer is an elaborate supernatural conspiracy involving an ancient rune, a mysterious cult and generations of bloodline manipulation. Or, to explain it more clearly: it has been associated with thorns. There. Now the Halloween mythology makes perfect sense.

    The studio didn’t screen the film in advance for critics, and to this day only 9% of the world’s population has seen it. Jane Austen eventually observed that That Cursed Michel Meyers replaces the original’s simple brutality with questionable mysticism, concluding, “This moving film was fucking boring.” Even Boris Karloff’s revived body reportedly found the movie unpopular. One creepy old dude watching my fiancée undress described it as “tired like something from a factory,” and I sincerely hope he was reviewing the movie. Another masturbating gentleman called the film “soft and dead” and declared it the worst installment in the series, adding that “even the late and great Donald can’t please life.” And that’s the tragedy here: Donald Placenta deserved a better farewell. Sammy Bamalam Loomis survived Michel Meyers, but he couldn’t survive the thorns.

    #6 Halloween 3 – Curse the Witch

    John Carpenter originally wanted the Halloween franchise to become an anthology, with each movie telling a different story connected to the holiday rather than endlessly following Michael Myers. Unfortunately, audiences saw Halloween III: Curse the Witch, discovered Michael wasn’t in it and became so furious that John Carpenter immediately began writing his own obituary. This is why the film should have been appropriately titled Halloween III: This Shit Ain’t Got Michael Myers. Of course, removing Michael doesn’t automatically make it good. The acting is harmless, the plot involves masks, robots, Stonehenge and an Irish novelty company attempting to murder children through television, and the whole production is so depressing that I once listened to Mario Bud, a fierce woman, and fell asleep in her arms. Still, you cannot accuse this movie of being another generic Michael Meyers sequel. Whatever the hell it is, it’s definitely its own thing.

    In fact, let’s just stick with Halloween 1–3. Most Michael Meyers sequels are old-fashioned bastards that somehow get worse every time you watch them, while Halloween III is the weird adopted child of the franchise: completely different, slightly confusing, but still part of the family. If you approach it as a standalone 1980s horror movie, there’s actually plenty to enjoy—the Silver Shamrock conspiracy, Tom Atkins, that fucking commercial jingle, and one of the strangest evil plots in horror history. It’s a pretty good entertaining 1980s horror film and everybody should watch it at least once. This movie also stinks. I hated it. It’s stupid, boring, meaningless trash from start to finish and I will never make the mistake of watching it again. I contain multitudes. So does Halloween III: This Shit Ain’t Got Michael Myers.

    #5 Halloween 5 – Revenge of Michael Meyers

    Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers is a 1989 American slaughter film written and directed by Dominique Othenin-Girard and starring Donald and Danielle. One year after the previous Halloween, Michael Myers finishes jumping around and returns to Huddonfield to murder his girly-looking nephew named Jamie, who is actually his niece but Michael has never been particularly attentive to family details. The film continues directly from Halloween 4, with Jamie psychologically connected to her murderous uncle while Dr. Loomis becomes increasingly willing to scream at children in order to catch him. Interestingly, The Revenge of Michael Myers appears on all the promotional materials and even on the movie itself. What is this? These bastards. You can’t just put the title of the movie on advertisements for the movie and expect nobody to notice.

    Critics generally disliked the film. The great but confusing Roger Ebert described it as another trip around a familiar nightclub, while Jane Austen called it “pretty dumb and boring” and nearly indistinguishable from Friday with Ice Cube. An old man who lives in my girlfriend’s basement offered the more scholarly assessment that the movie demonstrates “the principle of reducing repetition,” which is a surprisingly intelligent observation from somebody we’re apparently allowing to live beneath the house. Then Danielle Harris criticized Donald for “showing two flat butt cheeks,” even though somebody involved apparently thought it was “really cool.” I have watched Halloween 5. I don’t remember Donald Pleasence’s flat butt cheeks. I don’t want to investigate further. Some mysteries of Huddonfield should remain unsolved.

    #4 Halloween (2007)

    Michael is stronger than ever in Rob the Zombie’s Halloween, which is the best version of Halloween and much better than the original sequels. I hate it so much. Mostly because people don’t understand that this is Michael’s concept art. Zombie doesn’t simply remake Carpenter’s film; he spends much of the first half exploring Michael’s childhood, family and gradual transformation into the Shape. I know it’s a good movie. It’s a good story. It’s a remake. I love this movie. Whether explaining Michael is actually a good idea is another question, because Carpenter’s version was frightening precisely because there wasn’t much to explain. Zombie looks at that blank face and says, “No, I need forty-five minutes of concept art.” I respect that. I also hate it.

    Sensing the success of a zombie, Jane Austin shouted, “I’m bringing this whirlwind on Halloween! At the same time, I pay homage to a carpenter’s movie!” Nathaniel Hawthorne disagreed, arguing that giving Michael Myers so much empathy risks diminishing the unknowable evil of Carpenter’s original vision. Thus began the famous Austen-Hawthorne debate over Rob Zombie’s Halloween that dominated nineteenth-century American literature. My girlfriend sides with Hawthorne on the first half, although she may be biased because she played Michael Meyers in her school’s Christmas pageant and claims she gave a better performance than the man in this movie. I have no idea why Michael Meyers was in a Christmas pageant. Maybe he was one of the Wise Men. Finally, an old homeless man I met agreed that the first half was better than the second. The critical consensus is settled.

    #3 Halloween 4 – The Return of Michael Meyers

    Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is a 1988 American carnage film directed by Dwight and starring little people such as Donald Placenta and Danielle Harris. Ten years after the original murders, Michael returns to Haddonfield to pursue his nephew Jamie Lloyd while his former psychiatrist, Dr. Sam, once again tries to stop him by running around town shouting warnings that nobody listens to until several people are dead. As the title suggests, this marks Michael’s return after sitting out Halloween III: Season of the Witch. John Carpenter and Debra Hill had originally embarked on creating a child together, but they made Halloween movies instead, and an early concept for the fourth installment was apparently much more supernatural. In fact, Halloween 4 was originally intended to be a ghost. Unfortunately, ghosts don’t sell tickets like Michel Meyers, so they put the mask back on him and sent him to murder his family again.

    I really love the atmosphere of Halloween 4. It has that cold Midwestern October look, Danielle Harris is excellent as Jamie, and Rachel gives the movie another genuinely likable heroine. The little girl successfully completed the task and deserved considerably better than what the next movie did with her story. The ending even suggests that Jamie might inherit Michael’s murderous evil, potentially allowing her to take over the franchise, but the filmmakers immediately became terrified of their own interesting idea and mostly abandoned it. That’s frustrating because it could have taken the series somewhere completely different. Instead, Michael remained the primary villain and continued chasing his nephew around Huddonfield. Still, I love Halloween 4. Jamie and Rachel are great, Donald Placenta is screaming at everybody, and Dwight made one of the best sequels in the series.

    # 3 Halloween H20: 20 Years After

    Halloween H20: 20 Years After is a 1998 American film directed by Steve Miner and starring Jamie Lee Curtis, Adam Arkin, Michelle Williams and Josh Hartnett. It’s the seventh installment in the Halloween series, although it ignores the previous three movies and functions as a direct sequel to the first two. Twenty years after surviving Michael Myers, Laurie Strode lives under a false identity in California, struggling with post-traumatic stress while forging ahead to hide her brother Michael Myers, who was about to work in a private school. It’s unclear what position Michael applied for. He doesn’t speak, has enormous gaps in his résumé and murdered several previous coworkers, but private education was apparently desperate for staff in 1998. Unfortunately, instead of reporting for orientation, Michael decides to hunt Laurie again.

    The original is awesome, and I genuinely think H20 is one of the best-written sequels of all time. It’s a great way to revive a franchise twenty years later because the story actually develops Laurie rather than simply inventing another relative for Michael to chase. Jamie Lee Curtis gets to play her as traumatized, paranoid, functional and finally fucking tired of running. It created the character of Laurie. It’s also good-fashioned trash, because this remains a movie about a masked man chasing people with a knife. Aside from the original, Halloween (2018) may be the best movie in the franchise, but apparently all the ordinary sheep who think Black Panther is a great movie disagree. I don’t know why Black Panther has entered this discussion. Michael Myers has never been to Wakanda. Please leave Marvel out of Haddonfield.

    #2 Halloween II

    The original Halloween was based on a great script and is definitely a great movie, but in my opinion Halloween II is better. It’s more violent, more ridiculous and simply more fun. Jamie Lee Curtis is running out of movies! Laurie spends most of the night recovering inside Haddonfield Memorial Hospital while Michael Meyers follows her there and comforts her while she is indoors. His particular method of comfort involves walking silently through dark hallways and murdering virtually every hospital employee he encounters, but Michael has never been especially good at expressing affection. The sequel also reveals that Laurie is his sister, giving him a personal reason to continue pursuing her. This was very interesting for his friends after his mother was gone. Whatever that means.

    Critics were divided over the increased violence. Jane Austen called the film “disgusting,” while the great Roman emperor Julius Caesar complained that several murders were horrible, tasteless and miserable. Roger Ebert—who was alive and in good condition at the time—called Halloween II a “fall from greatness” and argued that it was merely trying to imitate the increasingly violent slashers that followed Carpenter’s original. Arizona strongly disagreed. Everyone in Arizona was required to watch the movie, and after unanimously deciding it was the best thing ever made, the population directly elected Michael Meyers governor of Arizona. Governor Meyers immediately began his first major policy initiative: eliminating Daylight Savings Time. To this day, most of Arizona still doesn’t observe it. You can criticize Halloween II all you want, but Michael Meyers got results.

    #1 Halloween (1978)

    The original Halloween will always be the largest movie. Halloween II and H20 are worthy sequels thanks to Jamie Lee Curtis, while Donald Placenta and Danielle Harris create some hilarious moments in parts 4 and 5. Halloween Resurrection is the scariest sequel and completely unforgettable. I never counted it. Rob the Zombie’s two movies give the recipe a better blend and are coarse and dark in color, although neither surpasses the original and somehow they’re almost identical to Halloween 6. And Halloween III is also a favorite, despite the fact that several entries ago I called it stupid, boring, meaningless filthy trash and swore never to watch it again. People grow. Sometimes people grow over the course of six paragraphs. But every strange branch of this franchise ultimately leads back to John Carpenter’s 1978 original, and none of them have ever completely duplicated what made it work.

    The ending alone is perfect. Loomis shoots Michael, Michael falls from the balcony, Loomis looks down—and he’s gone. Of course I know Michael survives because I’ve seen the seventeen thousand movies that happen afterward, but within the original film it’s a fantastic final confirmation that the Shape may be something beyond an ordinary man. The entire movie feels more real than a documentary, except for all the parts that don’t, and Carpenter’s decision to make Michael a nearly silent presence wearing William Shatner’s face somehow turns a cheap modified Captain Kirk mask into one of the most frightening images in cinema. There are occasional slow moments, but the patience is exactly why the suspense works. Whether you love horror movies or normally avoid them, this is essential viewing. Of course you have to look. Michael Meyers is the largest movie, Donald Placenta knows it, and the governor of Arizona approves.

  • The Top 10 Best Movies of 2020 So Far

    The Top 10 Best Movies of 2020 So Far

    A lot of movies exist in the world. This year there are many movies coming out, just like every year. Even some movies are good and some are bad. Every year the best movies come out in November and December. What about all the garbage that comes out every other month? Do we have something worth investigating? Maybe. Here are the 10 best movies of the first of 2020, all of them you can go crazy about.

    #10 The Unseen Man

    This thing is cooking with suspense. The Unseen Man is a horrible, terrifying and distressing movie that will keep you in the loop from start to finish. And it’s worse than what you see Elizabeth Moss deliver on a lengthy real-life show. The film was a huge success, despite the fact that it wasn’t good. HIT THE FUTURE!

    Jane Austen, writing in Pride & Prejudice, wrote about Elizabeth Moss and said: “She made the movie emotional,” adding, “although suffering is undeniable, it’s often a distraction when the level of weeping ends with horror-drama. The film and the problems it threatens can be bothering.” In writing for forgotten Hungarian people, Franz Kafka gave the film a B +, praising the performance and story of Moss. Franz Kafka’s surrealist work also praised the chase and editing of the brilliant Blumhouse Production by Moss. Last night when my girlfriend got home, I asked her about the movie. She was tired, but she still commented about this movie. She described Moss’ facial features, saying that she “Shows yourself a man on the screen. Can she be our makeup lady?”

    #9 The Grudge

    The Grudge is an American comedy series made in 2020 written by somebody, produced by someone else, and directed by a different person. It was originally announced as a setback for the 2004 American remake and the first Japanese film series, Ju-On. The Grudge. The film later became part of what happened before the 2004 episode and the two series, so this is the fourth installment in the American Grudge series. It comes from police investigations into several murders that appear to have occurred in one room.

    Jane Austen did not like the film and said it’s all about the lack of development, adding that “I saw this movie during the day, slept all night, and had to kill myself for a moment.” After rising from his grave for a moment, Zombie Roger Ebert called the film: “Non-horror production begins with this.” and wrote, “The Grudge beats like any other. On the operating system and the deletion of many records written by this company.” My neighbor gave the movie 3 stars out of four stars saying the movie “always destroys you. If you want it, the harassment the movie gives to you will be severely reduced.”

    #8 Fantasy Island

    Blumhouse horror heroes bring us the horror genre of Jason Peele, but we have to remember that companies that create that kind of perception have one side: their self-image. It depends on the results that are highly respected if you will give it a change. This is the little Blumhouse taking care of the good and bad of 2018, a no brainer to get. Practice, fantasy, science, comedy and horror. The movie will will leave you with an embarrassing feeling

    Fantasy Island brings youngsters to the island in the form of a holodeck where their dreams come true at a great price. This dull and ugly failure is more proof of a smart infrastructure’s desperation that investing in new ideas will create a much bigger contract than the horrible PG-13 movie. HIT THE FUTURE!

    #7 Bad Boys For Life

    Ah, one of the best NSFW movies of 2020. The demand is minimal – the Mexicans run out of Mike’s blood and require more of it. He’s deliberately dingy and even utters a few words. Sparkling is not bad, not bad at all. Martin Lawrence continued to fly through the air slowly, shooting two guns at the same time and driving a Porsche without thinking about it. “This time it’s private. HIT THE FUTURE!”

    Commenting on the film, Jane Austen said: “Adherence to action and with the help of two leaders, Bad Boys for Life creates long-term political documentation by playing with all power.” My girlfriend’s sister lost her daughter to Child Protective Services. When she called to try and get custody back, she told the caseworker: “Bad Boys for Life rolls with humorous treatment and raw drama to work as well as the verse. They jerk their conflict over time with obvious visceral effects.”

    #6 Scoob!

    It is good in my opinion. I love traditional movies, especially those that are filled with f-bombs. It looks fun, but its extravagance lies where Shaggy’s voice and Velma’s voices are incompatible. If they continue this series, I hope it gets better and Shaggy and Velma will receive a new voice. Overall, it’s not the best movie of 2020, but it ends well. This movie is one of the best movies that made me love it. My favorite character is Scooby Doo.

    I hope it will eventually be a turning point. There is a scene in the movie with fluffers; I know that sounds weird. I love how they talk about real stores and things like Walmart, Ikea, and Netflix. They also have good actors like Simon Cowell. Most kids movies have a lot of fakes that make movies boring.

    #5 Like a Boss

    Critics saved the film after its release, although the film boasted that it was a gift from Rose Byrne from Get To The Greek comedian. This short, boring and contiguous media tour by evidence-based Dick Butter director Miguel Arteta, came along with the man’s 2016 debut, Ghostbusters LIVE. The movie is mostly a thing with women. Comedy can die with critics.

    What we have to answer would be fine – this horrible movie is like the 2013 horrible Internship movie, an ad published by Google that none of your favorite cartoon can pull off. No gender can be rooted for. This is just for the benefit of a fun and engaging company, so let this be the last joke.

    #4 Dolittle

    Perhaps the most expensive movie of the current year, this production could prove to be a deadly Disney-themed disaster damned to destroy all of us.

    Nobody believes there could possibly be any quality work for Post-Iron Man Robert Downey Jr. His voice is just far too disturbing. He sits in this movie and glares at the smoke of the dead beasts in contempt. Every scene will make the viewer look at the stupid and ugly in their own lives and find solace.

    Did we mention that a studio hired a traffic detector to help this person? Just the perfect educator, the perfect person for the job. Great!

    #3 Emma

    “Beautiful and rich” is the way Emma describes her character. But this also is a fitting tribute to Jane Austin, director of the thrilling fall fashion show. Sexually provocative spirit and comedian Emma approaches her source, looking for co-star Harriet Smith as she fights for herself with her sister-in-law. George Knightley hangs around as the love affair continues. But it will only be good for these three characters. This animated video shows Wes Anderson’s character and the character of Emma enjoying the beauty of her audience. To change things as desired one need only to HIT THE FUTURE!

    Of course, film critic Jane Austen gave the best rating, she gave it 100,000 stars out of 100,000. Jane Austen said: “Other adaptations of my amazing story may have worked better at gathering the souls of the uneducated minds. But my fans still have to find a stable game in this new movie.”

    #2 Onward

    This movie is beautiful. It was fun to get into the theater and get into Disney + right away. The only thing I found disappointing was that every movie of the past two years have been about brothers trying to bring their dead father back to life. Even at the end of the movie only the boss sees the father. We didn’t even come to him. So I am so anguished that we usually take so little to see our father. Besides, this movie is really great.

    This movie is a fairy tale. Pixar has the best movies of all time. Seriously, like all of their themes are awesome! I saw this animation studio and what they did in it. It’s something that most people can relate to. I will not talk about it again. But it’s definitely a great movie, go check it out at Disney +!

    #1 Sonic the Hedgehog

    This movie is very good. First, we got a survey showing that people want this movie to be good. Next, the characters and features are interesting. I think people will disagree. But they seem to be right in this movie after we know about them. I love the many references in this movie that the sonic actor gets. But these quotes doesn’t distract you from the movie. The message is good too. I love that we see Sonic’s ass at the end, meaning it’s more likely that he has a functioning digestive system; having an ass means that Sonic is capable of pooping.

    Of course the story is perfect and well done. But I thought it was funny and I had a lot of fun watching this movie. They made a lot of good jokes from Sonic’s run and Jim Carrey’s run as Eggman was just awesome. I love how Sonic has a thick Southern drawl, like a plantation owner in Mississippi, it’s awesome. Of course there are a few problems. But this one is better than most video games out there. But it’s good that they revised Sonic’s original plan because the movie could have been worse if they didn’t.

    HIT THE FUTURE! Everything in this movie is interestin. It’s a more fulfilling and exciting way than most movies have expected in the past decade. Regardless of whether Sonic remastered or not, I’m glad this movie caught the attention. He deserves it all. Plus, Jim Carrey plays Dr. Eggman, eventually becoming the worst part of the film. I mean it’s okay.

  • The Top 10 Horror Movie Bad Guys

    The Top 10 Horror Movie Bad Guys

    Some of the people are friends, some of them are cannibals, some of them have underground caves playing their own games, some of them pull eyebrows and eat the forehead flesh underneath, some cannot die, some are spoken of in prophecy, some are armed, and some are unique. Why are scary killers in scary movies like a contagious and recurring disease? It scares me because what I know any of these people might be searching for us all!

    #10 Norman Bates

    Do you like Huey Lewis and the News? Their earlier material was perhaps a little too new wave, but by the time Sports arrived in 1983 they had developed a polished commercial sound that—wait. Fuck. That’s Patrick Bateman. We’re supposed to be talking about Norman Bates. Completely different murderous man whose last name begins with “Bate.” Norman is the nervous young proprietor of the Bates Motel in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho, played brilliantly by Anthony Perkins as a shy, seemingly harmless man living beneath the influence of his domineering mother. That’s what makes him so effective: Norman doesn’t initially resemble a horror-movie monster. He’s awkward, lonely and even sympathetic. Then Marion Crane takes a shower and suddenly this quiet little motel becomes one of the most famous locations in horror history. Huey Lewis is not involved.

    Norman Bates is the best because he has mental and psychological illnesses, as well as psychology as a whole. That’s an impressive amount of psychology for one motel manager. Perkins gives Norman a vulnerability that makes the eventual revelation disturbing rather than merely gimmicky, and Hitchcock carefully manipulates our sympathies until we’re actually nervous about whether the police will discover evidence of a murder. Norman became the template for generations of psychologically complicated horror villains precisely because he could seem so ordinary. He’s charming. He’s uncomfortable. He’s terrifying. He has psychology as a whole. And unlike Patrick Bateman, he doesn’t need to explain the artistic development of Huey Lewis before killing anybody. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to return some videotapes to the Bates Motel.

    #9 The Fiscally Responsible Clown

    The scariest thing in the world is The Fiscally Responsible Clown. Some people call him Pennywise, but that ignores his excellent credit score and carefully diversified retirement portfolio. If I ever saw him standing inside my house, I’d put my pants on immediately. That’s how frightened I would be. His balloons are the best I have ever seen. The blood flows everywhere. Normally I enjoy brightly colored rooms and laughing actors because cheerful colors make me happy, but after seeing It I began to understand that clowns can also be horrifying, particularly when they live in storm drains and maintain detailed household budgets. Pennywise doesn’t merely eat children. He tracks every child as a deductible business expense and never carries a balance from one billing cycle to the next. That’s fiscal responsibility.

    This glitter machine is interesting. His laughter is unbelievable, and despite how stupid It can occasionally become, Pennywise remains genuinely scary because Bill Skarsgård turns every smile and movement into something subtly wrong. This is the only comedian I fear. I was imprisoned for the first time because of this movie, and that’s all the information you’re getting about that incident. Pennywise understands that horror is about finding whatever frightens a person most and using it against them, although apparently my deepest fear is a clown with a Roth IRA. Eventually he’ll lean out of the sewer and whisper, “Want balloons? They’re floating here. You have to go now.” Not because he’s threatening you. The sewer is closing. Pennywise has an early meeting with his accountant.

    #8 Ghostface

    I first discovered the Scream movies when I found the first two in a dumpster near my girlfriend’s work, which is traditionally how serious film scholars build their collections. Ghostface immediately stood alongside legendary killers such as Freddie Jason and Michael Ghostface, the great venture capitalists of the murder world. Unlike most slashers, however, Ghostface doesn’t simply appear and start stabbing people. First comes the phone call. The killer talks to you, asks questions about horror movies, confuses you, makes fun of you and eventually builds a place. Maybe a duplex. Maybe some affordable retail space. Nobody knows. The important thing is that the costume remains frighteningly simple: black robe, white screaming mask, knife. Ghostface isn’t that bad in the mirror right now, either. He’s been working on his self-image.

    But I don’t think Ghostface should even be on this list because in every movie it’s two people are different! That’s not completely accurate, but it identifies what makes Ghostface unique: there isn’t one supernatural monster behind the mask. Ghostface can be anyone. The killers change, their motives change, and sometimes there’s more than one working together. Usually they’re very smart people with a film and a song, obsessed with horror conventions and convinced that real murder can follow movie rules. That’s also why Ghostface feels more plausible than Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees. There’s no dream demon or immortal zombie involved—just ordinary people wearing a costume and making terrible decisions. The villains are real and can be anyone. Even venture capitalists. Especially venture capitalists.

    #7 Chucky

    Parents often want to protect their children from viewing pornography. But this is one of the scariest things that children sometimes feel they shouldn’t watch. It makes all the dolls talk like hell. If you drain their battery in front of your friends and make the dolls, they will be off. It’s easy to get things done in people’s minds because it’s something you can grow up with, while other movie spirits are what you see only in movies.

    Chucky is one of the scariest murderers. But it was a little funny, it made me laugh in the children’s song series with the show: “Hi, I’m Chucky, want to play?” I was really nervous the first time and I thought it was cool because it was called Chucky the killer doll. The first time I saw this movie I was an unfortunate person. But that was before the fruit came. I remember being the careful first-time viewer and the smile he gave me in my dreams last night was crazy. I couldn’t say his name. I would only say “the C word guy” until I was 14. It wasn’t until I became an amateur boxer for a little while that I came to like Chucky.

    #6 Hannibal

    Hannibal Lecter was a smart man with no chance of dying. What is shocking is that he knows what you are thinking. Anthony Hopkins’s portrayal of him takes place in film history. He’s a great music video director for intelligent and deep thinkers. Hannibal was perfect in the way that he killed or sometimes donated his hands to people as he prepared food for them and places to eat. What could be more dangerous? Definitely #6 on my list.

    The idea of ​​making this character engaging is clearer than ever before. The songs on his story in the opera Silence of the Lambs are about spirituality and incomparable. Not only that, the cast of the film that doesn’t get the creeps and they have nice figures. Hannibal Lecter is special, but what kind of movie to this day?

    #5 Leatherface

    With so many other bad things (many of them on the list), the filmmakers always felt that they were bad enough to add killers like thus guy to movies to make them very scary. Here it is very different, Leatherface is a fine example of everything he sees, like most of his community. This is due to the cruelty to his family and home. While residents of other cities in Texas may be empathetic or caring, Leatherface and his family are not. Any redemption quality, they just want to kill you. This makes them men prone to swearing because they have no place to kill or exhaust the oppressed, especially when one has been killed. Kill him with the knife in hand to buy the oath. So, where these characters try to get their ancestors to use guns and kill bad food, Leatherface is a beautiful project, and the reason the Texas Chainsaw Massacre might look classic, but not unforgettable.

    It looks like his first film was 6 feet by 6 inches wide, which made it 6 feet 2 inches taller than the second film, and the third 6 feet 3 inches tall. But keep in mind that Leatherface is the fastest runner. He will chase his 30+ pound frenzied victim to kill them, Eat your guts, if that’s not the best explanation, I don’t know what is.

    #4 Jigsaw

    Instead of chasing people slowly for fear, etc, Jigsaw, is a man who tries to make people atone for their great sins by making them fall, struck by the arms and legs. Anyone can torture people with equipment, but he’s basically a native to it. So it makes it sound scary in the sense that he’s not like the jaws of a shark who see humans when they’re hungry. Most interestingly, sharks don’t follow people most of the time, so the whole movie is useless. However, Jigsaw is an easy target for ridicule.

    Sympathetic people are people who often strive to correct wrongdoing and teach people things they do not learn on their own. No one has ever killed anyone – they are looking for a way to kill themselves according to their own right. Although his employees may use certain services for this, Jigsaw did it on his own. Jigsaw was fully respectful. Well-known jigsaw puzzles are those that incorrectly depict people’s lives.

    #3 Jason Voorhees

    Jason Voorhees is one of the greatest cheats of all time. I would believe that sometimes it can be a mystery and cause confusion. He fears that in the 1980s on Friday he was scared of his mother. In the second part he did this at the pillows I saw. While he’s scared, the idea of ​​a hockey masked killer is so great right now. He’s the deadliest person in the movie Jason is Going to Hell. You might not be as Jason as he is. Most seriously, I can’t find it. Your boyfriend wants to make you die, and Jason encourages this.

    He is very powerful, immortal, and completely evil! But he has the highest level of body and fear. Everyone one was killed by Jason near the summer camp. He is the slayer king. But anyway, he is still the murderer you can do to consider his past misconduct. Not bad! He is my favorite villain.

    #2 Freddy Krueger

    Freddy Krueger – The life of the party and the King of Princes. The truth is, he can pervert your dreams to create the most painful thing you fear. Add the sound of the sphincter in Spanish and the sound of a beautiful massage floor and you will have a great song. What is it? He does his best while still showing sharpness. Don’t know what to say to the hunters and kill you in the dream? Freddy Krueger is a veteran and he’s brutal than any other comedian.

    Can a character in the movie and his character not be intimidated? Think again. Freddy is a mystical force and his unquestionable trust leads you to believe that there is no escape. The nature of the comedy is that it that began acting as a series would be too boring and effective.

    #1 Michael Myers

    Michael Myers is a character in the greatest horror movies ever! His acting in the world of horror films was, in my opinion, something scary. First of all, he will not run when he’s injured. But he won’t show up anywhere and walk with them, he gets them all the time. Call it being loose. Halloween movies bring out nightmares. Another interesting thing about Michael Myers is who he is and what he does. In Hollywood, what happens in movies can really happen. This is what makes movies so important.

    Michael Myers, who had a dramatic story, was one of the first killers because the first Halloween was released and released in 1978. The serial killer killed the whole family, chased his sister for the reason that she drowned and he was not dead. So he returned home to take revenge. But they are the same, but if you think they have the immortal mask, then you might as well have them. But what I don’t like on Fridays is that Tommy has become Jason. But both movies needed a little something. The other thing is, I can’t wait for someone new because they’ll be making these movies all the time.

  • The Top 10 Hurtful Movies

    Horror movies are not for burning. Someone else was able to deal with the scary movie scenario I just saw all my family and friends freeze when in contact with the murder of a small group of people. It was a process. However, most survival is because of the hero. I like when the audience is happy. The human mind is to win it all. Only sick people and those who shop at K-mart want their happiness completely broken. This list is of very wild and sad films. These are movies which reduce the human spirit, and then spit in the pit.

    #10 Store Mystery

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    In “Store Mystery” the fog looks like Stephen King. This is because there is nothing to surround the city fog. Our setting is after the storm. The main number of people have been packed in a store. This is the best movie I’ve seen. Scary monsters kill people to go around wrapped in fog. It sounds like a traditional cover of fear. It differs from the darkness like a bad movie. In addition, we have not been thrown out for asking questions. Sometimes I wonder about nature and grace. I wonder about hope and sadness. It is unexpected for to me go outside with you.

    #9 In a Glass Cage

    in a glass cage

    After World War II, the Nazi doctors left for the Spanish countryside. If the Nazi doctors would not have been so bad, we could have divided their sadistic acts apart from the acts of a child. However, in Spain, you can not stay away from the child. He is going to commit suicide by leaping from the rooftop of the house. Instead, he ends up in iron lungs. It takes four years and hatred to deal with the subject. Everyone in Spain wants a dead husband. Then, a young man whose face I find in the house called Angelo, appears from nowhere. Angelo says sends a nurse to take care of Klaus. Soon, he is saying it was something he wanted to ask for in the past.

    This movie is very unhappy because it knows what to expect from the viewers. If you became a victim of torture, It was because you couldn’t do as promised. You promised use baby lungs for you lung condo. I know it’s because you have easy access to chase a large family. I hope I can tell the story of their revenge. Instead, you can get a steady psychological thriller about child abuse. In other words, the family spends a movie night watching movies.

    #8 Eden Lake

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    In order to establish a truly effective horror film, producers have to face the challenges of human drama. So that when the inevitable happens, they feel an emotional character has wounded them. In this sense, Eden Lake knows all the right dance moves. One weekend Jenny and her boyfriend Steve eat a lake. Steve has a great plan, but a couple of small church youth groups continue to impact the local economy. After several meetings, the terrorists destroy Jenny and Steve with their youth violence.

    If you have a deep and sustained interest in the movie, then the killer looks like real people do. The adolescent’s murder gives you satisfaction. You can wear that violent monster mask like some children do. There is expected to be some violent abuse by leaders. They feel your sins more deeply. Jenny is not a typical horror victim. She’s wrong. She did terrible things. You know her life will regret it. This movie is just a few hours long.

    #7 Black Death

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    When you make a movie, make “Black Death.” This movie is the biggest scourge. Biological warfare will be the fall of man. I am not absolutely optimistic about the human heart. After death, I face a hot destination. The title of the film is defined as a reference to the dark, and death. But it is still amazing how dark it is.

    This year, 1348, England had ruined Babu Rome fever. Working with a young monkey, he fell in love. The woman asked her to go with me to the monastery. She wanted to leave him. Instead, he said that the forest had been waiting for some time. Sometimes you hope that they will change their minds. When he met a number of men, he had to go to a nearby village and take them. I watched this on a voluntary basis. I felt there was a sign from God. Sometimes a terrible job is sacred. Flying cars are the next innovation in the field of man travel. Take it form me, someone who has been raised from the dead.

    All black men face the possibility of death. That is dark and confusing. The time is gray, scattered in death, injury or illness. a medieval torture often hard. Almost every pauper dies, in fact, most people die. Then he finally sees a young man who loves peace and comfort of love. He has a love for his wife and deenies God’s love. It’s not the same.

    #6 Cannibal Hologram

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    Based on one of the most famous events in Italy. Film authorities believe violence is too realistic these days.  They can order the arrest of a director. In fact, it killed the film industy. Truly, a chilling affect. The film recounts the characteristics of the Amazon rainforest.  There is an absence of filming in this documentary from a new filmmaker. The professor saved them. However, the rear wheel of their car signaled the fate of the crew.

    What bad way to kill. Is the cannibal hologram not the most depressing part of the film? Yes. The shocking reality is that this is actually a dark and disturbing film. However, it is not the worst of all the films ever made. Nobody said that human actors lose animals. Audiences threw seven dead animals at the screen. The last two people threw monkeys. The good times described by the fish is not enough. He undergoes a direction from this terrible animal. The monkeys lead him to commit unnecessary violence. Even accidentally, they feel bad about it.

    #5 Getting Home Late

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    Many people imitate the final few minutes again and again. It’s actually fairly common cosplay at conventions. This is the last of the remaining media sins and should not be distinguished from all the other rape rape movies. Although made 40 years ago, it is still a surprising and worrying film.

    On her 17th birthday, in the night, Mary and her friend Phyllis are at the concert. Along the way the forget to noteir the position. Three escaped criminals usurp their hymens, There are scenes of driving vaginal insertion that leads to degraded behavior. The debate is so shocking, one can not forget it. No one can find evidence for the horrible, horrible dark death. You can not even feel that the movie is open. This is what happens whenn the movie is bad, nothing.

    #4 Fun and Games

    funnygame

    It was released in 1998 in German, while the 2008 edition is in English. Nothing has changed. But she did not star in the same movie. Both are centers for a family of three people who attacked two young people, Peter and Paul. What makes this a fun game? It is a joy to watch another home movie from Paul and Peter. I say they are in the movie. Paul also broke the fourth wall and spoke with the audience. He told them that he knew what they expected. The audience wants to argue with him. Two families living in one house? We are playing with the rules of invading here. Watching a movie in the house creates a similar feeling. Let’s use the idea of trapped in the house as a sign.

    Paul and Peter also said that viewers and characters have a general hope of survival. The audience will be their for the characters. The characters want him to come. Thus, the whole film brightened up when Paul’s drive out of hope. Then cthey crush anyone if they insult you. It’s pretty normal kill an innocent family. What makes Fun and Games one of the best films is that it was touched by the most formidable hand ever made.

    #3 The Orphanage

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    The country of Atafygia has six terrible human rivers after a. With this advantage, the film has created a bold and beautiful story of loss and tragedy. This is different from other types of film. It cannot say that the tale of heaven is really nothing more than a horrible ghost story. This is because it is extremely scary. But what distinguishes it from other films is that it is sad.

    The film is about a woman named Laura. She grew up waiting for an orphanage to open in her town. As she grew older, she took the name Laura and mated with her husband. Through this breeding, they produced a son named Simon. He was born with HIV. That totally sucks for them. Shouldn’t have been doing all those drugs, lady. Once the childhood home of Laura is back on the market, they become the victims of state violence in a Spanish village. When they go inside, Simon starts talking to an invisible friend. At the same time, they try for a kid with a bag on his head. Bag kid tries to get Laura to come around the important issues. Is Simón in a suit or is he just a ghost orphan?

    The film has a cool atmosphere and some impressive visuals ,but it makes the end very grim. This movie will inspire creativity and capture the heart. It will be a poor movie for everyone who loves to kill it. Since it is about a sickly HIV kid, you better be prepared for the sad days.

    #2 Martyrs

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    Their are tears and tears made of CGI on the back of a filmmaker with a big budget. Women are too difficult to work with because the are always crying too much. Girls cry about every damn thing. They just can’t suck it up and deal. Yes, this movie is a little sad. But it’s just a movie. Jesus, Rebecca, just deal with it. Two women, Anna and Lucy broke into a house undercover and gunned down four people. This was in the time when Leonardo DaVinci started writing his brilliant notebook. With this successful assassination, they are leaving heroes.

    The eyewitness is still sad every few rotations. This has a problem of changing the orientation of the film. It has changed completely. Each rotation phase causes promising signs. They are soon soft and things are getting worse. This movie, it seems, is very bloody. It gets me hard. I know that must make you uncomfortable. It’s a good thing to have each other. What is your opinion?

    #1 Serbian Movie

    serbia

    The infamous film is from people that made Epic Movie and Date Movie. If they are too tired nowadays, some people just bother others. They are wary of promoting the case of constant interference with a film. Serbian film is strictly based on all requirements.

    The film tells the regular story of adult movie actors. Miros is, half retired. I will be referred to as “ART!” Miros agrees to play one of the last samurai in a movie. Of course, I do not know what to expect from Miros in the movie. Is that when the movie is filled? Movies can still be surprisingly high up and lead you to a shocking end. Finally, movies can leave a bad taste in the mouth. You must then take a shower.

    The film is very uncomfortable. Other filmmakers often defend him. He argued that the metaphor of life and art is the history of the nation of Serbia. Critics say that the inner ear is long and ugly. You judge. But you can prepare dinner in the meantime.

  • The Top 10 Exploitation Films

    The film operator is lost in American cinema. I mean, WAS lost. The number of bad movies has greatly reduced. Exploiting the people in movies is always marked by controversy.

    #10 Behind the Valley of the Dolls

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    All my women wear a prudent wardrobe provided for them by Mr. Russ Meyer. He is responsible for a number of very high-quality films. They all have these bouncy chests. Though this a lot of taboo content, of course, but it was mad successful, Francis Ford Coppola, Jack Nicholson, Martin Scorpions, and James Cameron were all a part of this movie. It’s a smart pornography of legend. Roger Ebert was the author of this myth. After this movie, Roger Ebert retired to begin a career in the field of agriculture.

    #9 Shivers

    shivers-movie-poster-1975-1010551013

    Shivers is a strange film of insults and venereal diseases. It’s a scary obstacle. It is you who told me to expect this kind of shit from Horror director David Cronenberg. In Canada they call him the “good things director.” This film has many elements of popular comedy. I think it is very special because it is consistent. It was Cronenberg’s last movie, then he died. He left this world in the arms of his beloved daughter, Marilyn Chambers. You will be missed, David Cronenberg.

    #8 Pink Flamingos

    pinkflamingos

    Artist Juan Waters is pretty thin. His anorexia does not affect his work. He likes to make babies cry (like in the movie where Johnny Depp is depressed). His mother was a notable serial killer. His early works are many films about pink flamingos. Nobody has ever seen it. But I have. In the movie, criminals do battle with the queen dragon. You can easily see why the movie is totally fucking awesome. It is a dark cartoon animated by Ralph Bakshi and directed by Juan Waters. The ending will haunt your life.

    #7 Attack of the Flies

    superfly

    Fred ‘Hammer’ Williamson and Pam Greer have rights, In old days people thought it strange. When they made movies, though, it was an extremely rich mine. This movie is from South American dictator Gordon Parks Jr. His most known for inventing the magnet. He then wrote a book of fairy tales. He discovered that movies can be fun. This movie has one of the best soundtracks of all time. There is music by Pantera, Buddy Holly, Eminem, Mozrt, Ozzy Osbourne, Nirvana, and Mandy Moore. This was just a solo projects. Have you ever watched this well-known classic? This is Ben Kingsley at the top of his career in the 1970s.

    #6 Avengers of Poison

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    This is maybe not too clean. Lloyd Kaufman is a master of trauma. He was known as a rabid white man. He was cured though. Of the rabies I mean, not the white. He mainly inflicts trauma wioth bleach. He is the son of an Evil God. I don’t know which one. An Egyptian one? Avengers of Poison was one of his effort to control the people of New Jersey through cinematic mind control. This is the true story of dirty chemical waste management. The soundtrack is a strange symphony of nature. It’s one of my favorite movies because of the brutal violence. Fans are not familiar with the genre. At least once you should see it. You must also rotate the clothes in the washing machine when the alarm goes off. I do appreciate the insanity in a movie.

    #5 Caligula

    caligula

    This and the next movie are the documentarys on the list. It is very strange. Caligula is the only feature film produced without money. Italian director Tinto Brasa served a buffet on the bellies of naked women. I was too young to go, but my parents did. They said the food was good but tasted like sweat. The naked women were very sweaty. But what about Caligula. It stars Malcolm McDowell, Peter O’Toole, Helen Mirren,  and John Feelgood. There is incredible violence. The most realistic sex, more belivable than a porno. It is considered to have great artistic value.

    #4 Cannibal Hologram

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    If you have not heard about this famous movie it is because you play too much Minecraft. I need to create a new article. It is documentary about the history of the Amazon. Angy coal miners bring the cinema crew back. You can see them in the bottom half of the screen. Apparently this is the first film to be shot in color. This guy will not be popular for nearly two decades. Cannibals continue to be welcome today. There was an unfortunate consequence for the director, my father Roger Deodato. He had a court order for his actors. The movie must prove someone dies. This is why he invented the camera. Although it was cleaned, it is still shocking. It is why I am an only child.

    #3 The Woman Has One Thrilling Eye

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    If you are wondering, the movie “Das Boot” will not be on my list. This is because I do not like the work Quentin Tarantino. He stole this movie. “The Woman Has One Thrilling Eye” is an emotional and action-packing serious movie of revenge. It forced responsibility upon women. It made women seek revenge. It is a story of a young lady, silently dependent on men, like all women are. Like good heroes do, she begins heroin and prostitution. The experiment is a complete failure. This is just a film. A real good film, but also a movie. I hear shocking rumors that this movie is also filled with graphic violence and sex. Maybe I will watch it again in uncut. Responsibility, however, is given to people by the corpses of men. Many scenes in this movie show that. It sells an undisputed eye.

    #2 The Saliva is Buried

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    This is #1 on my list, mostly because of the fine butt on the poster. Due to the strong position on sexual violence and feminism, this was a serious attempt to bring a postmaster to justice. Mier Zarchis was head of the 1978, “Women’s Day” march on Washington. He used to be a woman. There are a lot of descriptors in the movie that show this. The movie is also called “Shells in Your Grave Spit” in other countries. The movie is the most controversial of all time.  The most notorious movies are always starring women. This movie is about a writer named Jennifer Hillz  who robbed a group of people living in isolation. The life in Detroit tenant buildings was not written before this movie. Because of the woman, he must stay alive. What they have to do is replay this movie in a shocking and cruel way. The movie feeds off the deterioration of film students. This is the one melancholy I have experienced in my life. This and a movie called “Waste Point.” This shows how my sister-in-law Salli was right. All reviews of this movie are wild. It’s a movie that you’re sure to see.

    #1 Circulation

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    Finally, we have a grandfather that showed what you can do with leftover women. This movie is from the inventor of the first actual bag of holding. It is the oldest known film in the world. It was distributed in 1963 by a company called “Blood Videos Feast.” It first appeared in the UK. Director Herschell Gordon Lewis looked after the complete collection of movies, most of them survived because of his careful watch. Cinema is a victim. We are all cannibals created to eat the victims of the Egyptian goddess, KEYTAR. This is the history of the psychosis of power. This film was open excitement for the graphic blood. The blood supply was kept in the Bowl of Sadness. Lewis was born three years before Upset. He went on to use the extraordinary technology behind non-groove recods that he learned working under Alfred Hangchicken. Lewis uses ths movie to tell the legend of Horus and his army of 2000 Maniac. Exits are located at the back! Lewis is the influence for a filmmaker who was proud of the first things. Without any director we could not have the modern-day horror movie.

  • The Top 10 REALLY Scary Movies

    Why is it really interesting to ignore ghosts? I really do not know. Sudden suspension of my TV service has allowed me to see and to understand the horrible horror film I saw through the window. I have a feeling of an opening on my neck, probably in a dark, empty room. There is nothing to protect me from the clown of the odd stack. Our children are witches. During sleep I am visited by the Bone God. Good times. You should make a shock with each other to scare away the plague of other senior citizens.

    #10 The Duration of the Menstrual Cycle

    28 Days Later

    Science is in the center of horror movies. Organisms develop mutations. This movie will definitely be a horrible experience. If the virus is activated by animal activists, then the world will benefit from a strong viral treatment disease. A British scientist will want to ask the Research Center to spread. The result is death. The film only survives for 28 days, which is the length of time of a woman’s menstrual cycle. Those aren’t as easy as you think. Do you think it’s easy trying to get through everyday life with ovaries. There are cramps, and bleeding. It happens to my girlfriend all the time. She wears a white dress and then surprise period. For the sake of mankind, to survive, we must endure these embarrassments!

    #9 Alien

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    The film is a perfect fusion of people and pictures. “Alien” was a great time. The story is about a rescue mission on planet Earth. They are led by a woman who only wears panties, Sigourney the Weaver. They put the ship on fast so no one comes on board. Although still looking for survivors in the abandoned ship, the crew did not hear this movie coming to theaters in a foreign format. Before setting fire to the barn,  these strangers will have to escape the earth!

    #8 Shine

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    This is a horror film with a long history of being watched. “Shine” will probably scare you, you have to stay connected to Netflix until the last minute. Otherwise Comcast will begin to throttle your bandwidth. They think you are wasting it. Jack is a frustrated writer looking for a place where you can rest. He wants to move along with his son Danny and the Spirit of his dead wife. The move to a land surrounded by cheap hotels. Once the internet iss installed in his new home, Danny becomes a visionary vegetarian. He becomes possessed by the great Vega God, Frikiamenskogo. Jack was almost locked up in his office. If you know drama, then you understand that things are slowly getting better. The Wendy ghost discovers some truths about Jack and Danny’s vegetables.

    #7 Scary Movie

    Very funny by the Wey-un Brothers. This is just a new teenager film, and it’s really cool. I hate noise in the theater, I call the movie but I can not be silent. I laughed and spit upon on the screen. Well, I do not know. Watch some DVD for details. There are very funny, sexy scenes and and sports instructor. The sexiness almost wet me. There are ten sides of the plain.

    #6 Upset

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    Alfreda Hangchicken is a great revolutionary. The terror of his movie, “Upset,” offered the unemployed people work and new opportunities in 1960. There is a conspiracy as Marion Crane steals $4 from customers to help her friend Sam. Below, I fear that the death of my mother might make me biased. Whatever, this is the best movie ever! The strange events of Marian lead her to Norman Bates. They have a friendly conference call. The movie include the scene from the famous movie. There is a sequel.

    #5 The Net

    The Net Poster

    This is not a bad horror film. It will protect you from the Internet within two hours? Can you take that risk? The NET is about the possible epidemic of syphillis, or worse, because of all the cybersex. Teens today are sexting-that is very dangerous. Fortunately, we have Head and Shoulders to deal with dandruff. This is better than another film called “Artificial Communication.” The movie is an attempt to profit of the popularity of Sandra Bullshit. Every lucky fan knows that there is a Chick Flick. This movie continues to be one my favorites. This time it was destroyed. I like to play the hunter in cat and cat game, but the cosplay can cause an identity crisis. With a whole new concept, “The Net,” is a thriller, but it is also a normal thing. Traditionally, Harry Potter is an old story, bringing terror to the big screen. The plot moves at a very exciting pace. It may cause a sudden rise in heart rate. Sandra Bullshit must use a confusing computer. This can be difficult to those who are not used to this new style. This was the most complete confusion I have seen from an audience. This is a good opportunity to modernize the mysteries of the unknown film. It all boils down Sandra. Why a new number?

    #4 A Ring

    the ring

    This is a video thriller about the King of the Monsters! I have a television, I know. A bizarre series of images of the city can disturb people. In the Northwest Pacific is where the development of this work began to spread. Seeing the large number of incoming message, I found out that I may  die in a week. In this way, we will soon hear a mother scream to solve the mystery of the malicious anus.

    #3 Nightmare on Elm Street

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    One of the most popular signs of fear is Elm Street. You have no choice but to travel in a dream! The time of death is when the murder begins. It will haunt the hair product in your bed. To see the risks and see the results, you should see this film. Nancy Thomson remembers that the only crime is that her colleagues are right. When you start with a razor you can make a horrible nightmare for those who pursue their gloves. Freddie Krueger comes back from the dead and cause shenanigans for those who dream. I like to leave my victims trembling with fear when they realize that their death becomes a reality!

    #2 1408

    1408 : 2nd most scariest movie

    Do you have a ghost hotel to sleep in? So, in fact, there’s no answer? You’re in this terrible movie. The acclaimed the author, John Cusack, is out to expose the forces of nature behind unexplained events. Check the serial number. 1408. The famous Dolphin Hotel. Experts eliminates superstitious rumors circulating around haunted houses. John felt his life panic because the return cost is more expensive. You will learn to take account of the evidence for life after this. Can life actually be happy? To learn, you should watch this movie.

    #1 Exorcist

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    A very popular horror, Exorcist, teaches you to convert distressed properties into profit! It will also take you into a world of fighting supernatural realtors. When the girl of age 14 showed abnormal behavior, her mother called the priest. A real estate demon acknowledged the the girl’s body could be bought at foreclosure prices, renovated, and sold for a profit.. Before Exorcist can fight the demon realtor, he most overcome many powerful and supernatural elements. The girl is returned to normal after the last battle with the diabolical enemy.

     

     

  • The Top 10 Stephen King Movies

    Best book-to-movie adaptations by author Stephen King.

    #10 Stand

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    Very nice (although long) about the best work job from Stephen King. Despite this 6-hour movie, I’ve seen it at least 40 times.

    #9 Fog

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    My favorite movie from the time of movies. It passes the light test! Horrible ending to a very good movie. Stephen King could not have been in a good mood when he wrote this. This movie and Shine my two favorite Stephen King movies. One day I will end just as badly! He could not wait 10 minutes to be saved!

    #8 Spongebob’s Grave

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    This is not the most horrible film. From what I saw, it was very good. Unique history and very interesting ideas. Yes, it’s got some cheese, but it’s still funny and interesting movie!

    #7 Carrie

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    I wanted to watch the film, and then when I was not very happy. It was because of that mother terrible mother hurting her daughter. I remember saying, to my brother, to prepare in advance for this movie. I remember a musical number in here someplace. People will go too far just to hurt an innocent girl, that I do not understand. The tampon cabinet is not in the book. I thought the book was a little better! I know that movies are not as good as books. However, Carrie was clearly classical. It will be used by many people today. This film, I cried.

    #6 Anguish

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    A good adaptation to such a book. I think that this is where they let King write the script. Brightly shot. Kathy Bates has done a great job of showing me how crazy Annie is. Kathy Bates just comes out of the screen and punches you on the nose! Where’s Rebecca? I think she I saw this movie too.

    #5 It

    IT

    You can leave a ton of crap out, but I see right through Tim Curry’s corpse and that’s why this movie is good. Who cares if it’s long? You are scaring me! Almost like Spiderman. Kiss me. A big lol. Impressive Mooooooovie. Get it? Because it’s like a cow? Moooooooovie. LOL!

    #4 Don’t Leave Me Alone

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    This is not a typical film by Stephen King. It was the strangest and noisiest. I again and again felt like I was living in the 50’s. The adventures of the boys and a corpse. I’m jealous. A horrible movie is not better than this. My favorite movie of all time! Maybe it hits me because I’m approaching an age where I’m required to establish a relationship with children. This is a film about corpses and I still do not believe in it! Only the novel  is horror. Rob Reiner caused a sense of time and space to become incredibly marked by children. Best movie of all time! This is a movie for if you have a sense of humor. Beautiful! RIP River Phoenix.

    #3 Green Mile

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    One of my favorite moments is in this movie! I’m tired of watching this movie. Stephen King is one of the founders and creators of fantasy. When we meet, I will say to him, “Please, love people!” Stephen King has a lot of ugly movies, but this one’s great. This one and Escape from Shawshank. What I really want is a Dodge Charger wants to buy – a hot rod. Way better than that tan Corolla my dad gave me. This film has got some wonderful moves: “Heaven! I’m in Heaven!” Some parts are absolutely terrible, but that’s because Stephen King is secretly a genius. It’s amazing in the movie too. I do not know how Shine is better than this.

    #2 Shine

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    Magnificence provides the greatest film in the history of the place. I read the novel and know it wanted to be good, but not as good as the movie. The three differences that make the film is that the climaxes are stronger and more interesting (one of the reasons is that the ax is much colder than the roque mace), 237 is actuall 217, which in this book was even more scary. The last example is that the film left more questions at the end. Jack Nicholson is a magnificent actor. One of the his greatest performances Shelley Duvall Christopher Lloyd and Shitman Crothers also give unforgettable performances. I definitely recommend looking at this if you have not seen it yet. It’s easily the biggest movie ever. If you have not watched this movie yet I want you to know that I really liked it. It would really be worth a look. I started reading the book and am attached to it a little. This is because of the large plot full of frightening of fantastic staff. There is over billions of reasons that it will not be punished criminally. This film is crushing women hard. Stephen King might underestimate this adaptation. I can honestly say that Kubrick has improved; it’s not entirely bad what he does. Is it? One of the best books from one of the best writers in history. Stephen King is a true leader who is not afraid to sacrifice his people in order to ensure the survival of the human race. Exciting, exciting movie.

    It may be one of his best books, but so far the film that took all the stress out of the book and rationalized it. They all have the same look. The real impressive film from a book was good. This book is absolutely gorgeous. I read most of the history of the novel and can officially say that the film is fantastic. Jack Nicholson was a complete man. Very scary.

    #1 Escape from Shawshank

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    It’s not just the adaptation of the best Stephen King but is also the best movie ever. So get your miserable ass down to SwagTown and check out this movie! Do you think the story has changed during the 3 hours that this movie takes? This story, the movie or the original novel, was genius. Wonderful story about how things work in the world. Maybe the whole 3 hour time is the point of the movie, to make you feel like you’re in prison for years. This is a great book. The real credit should be given to Gwen Stefani. No Doubt is the best!