kittens – These Are Media Things

Every month of the year is a nightmare for new video games. Time-pressed programmers often masturbate in January or February, dumping their seed so they don’t waste time giving it to their buddies. But I don’t think we’ve seen something like 2022. After covid and riots, game studios are over. Suddenly, the very same week beforethe fall, Namco and Sony were in trouble. Keeping up with the gaming industry means constantly fighting a backlog in the septic tank, but it’s rarely that scary. Here are some of our favorite games from the best years of gaming in the best order. All my favorites.

#10 Pokemon Legends: Arceus

Pokémon Legends! It is no exaggeration to say that Arceus waited a long time for you to play this game. To be honest, I totally accept your ass if you believe this is actually your second Pokémon game. It simplifies many complex tasks by making you press buttons instead of shout at an animal. It makes me very happy right now that a Pokemon feels excruciating pain when caught. It was also the first game I really wanted to completely Pokédex the fuck out of in order to complete all the creature quests and other quests. Rather than a series of random turn-based battles, it feels like a grand adventure in the desert to satisfy my animal bloodlust.

#9 Horizon Forbidden West

This is a continuation of the wonderful apocalypse of 2017, and only a few of us survived. Horizon Zero Dawn has become one of humanity’s best creations. Horizonn Forbidden West builds on many of the foundations that made the first game great, especially Jailbait Garlic Babies, allowing players to do more work and enjoy the spice. Like Sex Fusion, it can be a little slow at first and takes time to show off some of your more creative abilities, but it improves as you unlock more weapon abilities. Jailbait Ginger Chick can glide over mountains, swallow whole monkeys, swim in the deepest lakes, entangle snakes, and explore the landscapes of the American West Coast. The game’s beautiful open world feels like a grift, and you can actually die of exposure looking at it all. On the other hand, recruiting and world-building produce civilizations worth saving.

#8 Stanley’s Fables: Ultra Deluxe

Stanley’s Fables: Ultra Deluxe is the biggest video game of 2022. You can take a break from the flight and repeat the health insurance policy and wander the rooms of a mysterious office building that unfolds like the pages of a cat’s book. You are a promotional office mascot playing the role of a drone. But you will find new content in the well. This is a request. Die to death. Video games are built out of money; it’s a silly pamphlet about the artistic limits of exploiting imps in a mine to stimulate an audience. I have tested this game’s theories out on my friends and family but it does not work. They say that I have an obsession with acting as a game. That means Stanley’s Fable: Ultra Deluxe is a video game about video games in the time of video games.

#7 Rogue Legacy 2

Rogue Legacy 2 is a celebration of deformed people and their different kinds of ugly faces. Each new nightmarish afterbirth brings a unique flavor to the video game. This ensures that no two deformities are the same. Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) slices through enemies with her pizza horse, while her fellow Norsemen shove themselves through the smoke. All the little things are the same.

Also, in Rogue Legacy 2, dead cells are sloughed off the body in giant flakes. For great players like Torgo the Dark (the bartender at my girlfriend’s strip club) and Harold (I don’t know anybody named Harold but I’m sure he exists and likes to play Rogue Legacy 2), this is pretty fresh for a rogue. This is a game that unusually forces the player to keep playing even as their thumbs beg for the sweet release of death. Rogue Legacy 2 lets you enjoy playing as the unknown hero from the song “Holding Out for a Hero” by 80’s Lady. Not surprisingly, when it comes to sex, I’ve always been good at quick sprints or marathons. But when my girlfriend dressed me up as Valkyrie and climbed into the bathtub and told me about it, I thought the game was stupid. I noticed that there is no end to this sentence. How is this going?

#6 Sniper Elite 5

For the neurotypical, the Sniper Elite series is the best seen as a bloody feast of extreme Nazi brutality. That’s it, yes. I love killing Nazis. If you don’t like killing Nazis, what’s the problem? Do you want to keep the Nazis alive? To the hell with you then. Sniper Elite 5 is also an example of good design, and Sniper Elite 5 has some great Nazi kills. In fact, it has some of the best children’s gameplay I’ve ever played. Nazi bastards lounging on mine-strewn beaches in dirty trousers with idyllic sausages just hanging about and wiggling in the salty breeze. Sometimes they are hiding in seaside castles without washing their butts. Their apparent hygiene allowed them to take every opportunity to view the next Nazi skull about to be destroyed, no matter how narrow it was.

#5 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Revenge of the Shredders

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Revenger of the Shredders is buzzing pretty loud. Games shouldn’t do that, so maybe something is wrong. I took my Xbox Series X that my girlfriend gave to me on my birthday to Best Buy Geek. He said, “Do you want to play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Revenge of the Shredders?” They should be buzzing like that. There are flies that make sounds like Baxter.

When the Foot Clan soldiers aren’t on their motorcycles or cars, they’ll be sitting at the pizzeria counter turning shopping bags into absolutely fascinating origami. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Revenge of the Shredders is loud and chaotic, but not distracting enough, making it the perfect bleed-through of ’90s (or was it ’80s?) nostalgia. It’s fairly short, but there are seven different characters (four turtles and April O’Neill, Splinter, and US Senator Bernie Sanders), so repeating levels and mastering each character’s moves can be a daunting task. Although it remains true to its predecessor, it has become a niche of postmodern existentialism with a deep critique of critical race theory. Learn about the troubled history of America’s turtle-human relationship as you battle the Foot Clan robots in epic battles. Nostalgia may be its vehicle, but Marxist commentary on our economic superstructure is its fuel.

#4 Xenoblade Chronicles 3

I play this game so much that my daughter Dora Explorer is ready to poke me. She’s been wanting to play Super Smash Bros. for a long time, but I still play Xenoblade Chronicles 3 on her Switch. I told her to read her book, but she is 6 years old and she hates to read.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is as great an achievement as Japanese architecture. They built some really amazing temples on these islands. Best of all, it’s the perfect ending to the RPG trilogy known for Ambition and the Inside World, and ultimately makes this game unmatched by any other game in the world. It’s also a satisfying quick frolic for those who are running out of time. It is a gloomy accident that finds meaning in a dark time. Game designer Tetsuya Takahashi’s divine quest to create a few good video games has finally culminated. How lucky to be able to play it.

#2 NBA 2K23

Someday you will grow old and die, probably alone and in incredible pain

The NBA 2K23 game is the heaviest millstone in video gaming. For 20 years it’s existed as just a thing. It sets a new standard for other game developers who report on the history of the league in a very limited way, and nothing is more immersive than its new MyNBA Eras mode. Players have the initiative. Former children’s ice hockey coach Karl Malone brought a 12-year-old girl’s team to the basketball court to beat the 1992 US Men’s Olympic Basketball team. Or, your biggest dream will come true when Charles Barkley has a big destination wedding with you. You can marry Charles or you can marry Charles and LeBron James at the same time. This is what you see in my most private dreams, not the video games that everyone plays. Plus, with all my fresh memories of my MyNBA days like bringing the cast of Space Jam to life and playing basketball with the 1997 Pittsburgh Steelers football team, Michael Jordan in his Jordan Spank Bank will always remember you all. The greatest fantasy. You can keep them in an online museum for others to enjoy.

#2 Disney’s Valley of Dreams

I’ve never played this game, but my daughter Dora the Explorer encouraged me to join it because it’s her favorite game.

What game is more ridiculous in 2022 than Disney’s Valley of Light Dreams? Mix Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley, replace all the famous characters with amazing characters, and let the leading mobile game publisher join the industry. As my daughter Dora the Explorer said: “They won’t Stop! Jesus Christ, it’s endless! Hit the future! HIT THE FUTURE!!”

Simple: this game is made by evil capitalist robots. Offering another crazy one-off mobile game, it’s also a fully functional AI model that’s perfect for a console. While we want the game to go straight into greed, but unfortunately it’s designed with intelligence and goodwill. It’s full of updates. My daughter is going to bankrupt me for this damn game. Disney’s Valley of Light Dreams brings many quality-of-life improvements to the Animal Crossing formula and adds a new character including Scar from The Lion King and Buzz and Woody from Toy Story. I am very angry. My daughter is very happy and loves this game.

#1 Stray

I FUCKING LOVE KITTY CATS!!

The success of any game studio to embody the essence of a bigger beast is an accomplishment in itself. Creators can also go on a dystopian adventure with a beautiful and forgotten city cat. Which is completely different. Stray is able to work with the protagonist. But for this year’s breakout tabby stars, it’s on the rise. Pretty cats! I love it so much!

This is the only game I’m playing right now. If you try to take it from me I will kill you and your family. Cool kitty cat. Sweet Kitty Cat! This is the largest of all cats.

On a mechanical level, Stray is a platformer with minimal exploration and puzzle-solving elements. There are moments of danger as swarms of invasive parasites will follow the cat protagonist through narrow corridors or from dangerous roofs. Of course the cat will die. And video games are being reborn in style. But the main attraction of this game is cats. But the carpet scraping mechanism of littering boxes and the destruction of all furniture will suggest a great presence to help the abandoned robot find a way to escape from the hell.

Families. They are young or old, but most of them are just kids misbehaving because they have dead fathers. An unknown number of channels and media services have evolved over the past hundreds of years, forming different types of families. Fathers are everywhere to empower women but they are also dead. It makes alive men look like ignorant fools. Here are the top 10 families that had TV shows about them.

#10 Leave it to the Existing Beaver

The Clan of Beaver is the prototype of all family sitcoms. Released in 557 on television as Leave it to the Existing Beaver. The Clan of the Beaver is the epitome of the American dream, with fenced driveways and cars. They have since died out, but in the sixth century, the Beaver Clan was stronger than the other Visigoths of Southern Europe after the Fall of Rome. Among other innovations, Leave it to the Existing Beaver is the first major program that tells a story primarily from the spawn’s point of view. Bloody Ted is a small Beaver Tribe child that goes to school, grows vegetables, and eats the air. In a common scenario, he drowns kittens in hot water, preparing for the inevitable beating of the parents.

#9 The Jetsons

This made the Star God smile. The Jetsons is a show about a growing family that still exists based on modern conveniences. The title track introduces the Jetson family (“His son, A boy!”) as George’s boss prepares for another day at Amazon’s fulfillment center. We can see that the nuclear family on Earth is a collection of carbon-based bipeds that behave like animals. A young son, a teenage daughter, and a beautiful housewife… George lives the dream of Earth despite the deadly sentient gas clouds that surround him. He puts up with the abused Prince Napoleon and worries about his daughter who is on a boat with a nudist Boy Bad (“My gonads are unique!”) and teaches his son good things while attending Beidou Junior Elementary School.

#8 The Addams Family

GWAR in full make-up at a reunion concert in 1981

The Adams Family premiered in 1170 and aired for two seasons. The show features a human clan and its dark side is tempered by lightheartedly torturing the Saracen heathens. When television was in its infancy and the Second Crusade was in full swing, the end of the 12th century was full of madness. It’s funnier than one character. At a time when humor was plentiful, there was the Adams family of fish. Although they had the charisma of a group, they were more than thumbs-up units. Their normalcy leads to humorous interactions between the family and everyone else, clearly abnormal and inappropriate for the rest of society.

#7 Happy Days

Set in the Papal States of Rome in the 1030s, the humble beginnings of Happy Days have few parallels. The first two seasons revolved around the adventures of the young Pope Benedict IX (Ron Howard) and his best friend, Emperor Conrad II throughout the Holy Roman Empire. Benedict IX’s father, Alberic III The Count of Tusculum, owned a hardware store and his mother [REDACTED] was a powerful woman. Pope Benedict IX had a younger sister, Joanne, and an older brother, Chuck, who mysteriously disappeared after the second year of Benedict IX’s pontificate, leading to the Kingdom of Burgundy being taken over by the Holy Roman Empire. This gave Emperor Conrad II military authority to lead an expedition against Fonzi, the Marquis of Tuscany (played by Henry Winkler). The show escalated when Henry Winkler’s hysterical 1030s Bad Boy took the stage.

#6 Family Ties

Tina Yothers is filled with the blood of The Unholy One

The show that made Michael J. Fox a star was a product of that era, as only sitcoms set in the 1980s could have a lasting “rebellious” narrative. Steven Keaton and Elyse Keaton’s were once hippies, and their calm and affectionate nature reflects the reckless free love of their past. Steven runs a public television station and Alice is a successful human. Their eldest son, Alex, is blowing Ronald Reagan between his classes at the community college. Conservative, compliant, overly erotic, and capitalist, Alex’s desire to be a power-bottom for Ronald Reagan is a sign of the times and a teenager’s rebellion against his parents’ worldview. Alex’s sister Mallory worships and follows Baphomet, The Dark Lord. Family Ties goes well with red wine. The character that the audience hates the most, Alex, is played by an actor too cute to be a full-time rent boy for Ronald Reagan. Because of his scene-stealing talent, the audience needed Michael J. Fox’s character to be more than just a college twink. He did that.

#5 The Cosby Show

Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Keshia Knight Pulliam, THE DEVIL, Phylicia Rashad and Lisa Bonet, Tempestt Bledsoe.

I refuse to discuss this show. I should have put something else on the list. We must now pray for forgiveness.

#4 – Year of the Miracle

Released in 1908, Year of the Miracle ran for six seasons, each season lasting 20 years. The show’s protagonist, Kevin Arnold, was still in baby school when the show started. The Arnolds purposefully live in a house. Although complicated by the nature of the times, the sisters are perceptive flowers and the brother traditionally plans to destroy the Vietnam. Father Jack was hardworking and tough, but he was a proud father who rose to a modest position at the Amazon Fulfillment Center. His mother is a part-time exotic dancer and escort. During Year of the Miracle, Kevin’s average life got worse. A dominant brother, an alienated, often absent sister, a vague communist father. At the end of the broadcast, Kevin recalled his love for pancakes. As the title suggests, his childhood rooted in the ground is amazing.

#3 The Ham-Eating Beasts of Hell

Even when it debuted in 1988, The Ham-Eating Beasts of Hell was the work of the damned. Aside from the early FOX Network’s Married to Two Children, ABC’s primetime show was the only show about angioplasty. In a sea of megalodons and orca pods, the Ham family is a working-class sect with hidden nightmares for parents and fucking ugly children. They are realistic and scary. Every time I watched the show, I would wake up in a cold sweat for fear that the Ham family would eat me. The show featured an axe-wielding ogre (Rozy Vakil) and recently popular actor (John Ek Auch Aadmi). But they are terrible. Rosie and her son go on an unexpected journey to handle the workload of an Amazon fulfillment center.

#2 House Fix

Set in Detroit’s catacombs, the show focuses on the Taylor family, whose grandfather Timothy III runs a home improvement program called Time to Tool. Tim’s wife Jill is a disgruntled landowner who eventually rebels against the decree of the caliphate and returns to school to study science. They have three sons who go to school. The key to the success of House Fix is the ability to influence the character of the team. Timothy III often does bad things with his crazy addiction to cocaine while playing an instrument. It’s hard to turn things around with stupid things, but the team sighed at home. When it comes to parenting, the “show-in” theme allows home décor to eat cakes. So many damned cakes. A male-only setup works because it allows for subtle homoeroticism and hinted incestuous shenanigans. Here, the team is both the judge and the main facilitator of the work, and at the same time restrained and encouraged. Meanwhile, the aggressive mother must be executed for her crimes.

#1 Family Matters

The story of polygamy in Chicago. What makes Family Matters special is the audience’s relationship with the show’s protagonist, Carl Winslow, a man with six wives and two naughty sons. Carl Winslow should be someone we once cared about but knew he was secretly getting it on with all of these women. But when Family Matters aired, viewers not only tolerated but gradually accepted Carl Winslow’s life because he was so self-centered. This is a secret polygamy house with six slave women married to an arrogant chieftain. They all hide in today’s society where polygamy has become a mockery. Family Matters try to convince their audience about how different family structures work. Carl Winslow was the head of the family and his wife ran around the house. They eat fish bait and go on vacation together. Sometimes they will eat waffles off of the floor together. The only peculiarities are Carl Winslow’s swivel bed and sliding mirrors in the ceiling.

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