Movie Review: Thanksgiving

Eli Roth really loves the color red. Cabin Fever was a very red movie and Thanksgiving is a very very red movie too. You might think I’m talking about blood, which I am, but there are other reds in this movie too. Just lots and lots of red.

Eli Roth wears a red shirt in front of people wearing red jackets. Just so much red. Eli Roth loves red.

Thanksgiving is a 2023 movie that takes place on the third Thursday of the year. That’s pretty specific I know. It takes place in the town of Plymouth, Massachusetts but you wouldn’t know that because only one character has a regional accent. The people of Plymouth, MA celebrate a holiday where the pilgrims settled there; so they all dress up as John Carver and eat lots of turkey. Also shopping. Shopping is pretty big on a day that they call “Black Friday” (though if Eli Roth had his way it would be “Red Friday” and happen every single day).

On one “Black Friday” at a movie stand-in for Walmart, there was a big sale on Thanksgiving and people died. It’s actually an amazing sequence that is wonderfully done. Of course, there is lots of red. People get stepped on and cut up and the angry lesbian from Showgirls is scalped. A year later, someone in the town remembers this horrific event and starts killing a lot of the people involved.

He’s remembering.

Thanksgiving is a slasher movie – which is basically a murder mystery with lots and lots of gory deaths. And I mean they are very bloody. Just insane amounts of blood. People bleed out more blood than is actually inside of a human body. I know from reading a science book one time that the average length of a human small intestine is 23 feet long – but this movie shows you all of that: all 23 feet of human intestines, MORE THAN ONCE.

When I say that there is lots of red in this movie, I mean that it’s not just the blood, and it’s not just the red clothes people wear in the movie. You know how in murder mysteries there is a character that you are absolutely sure is the killer and everything points to them being the killer, but it’s false – just throwing you off. There is a term for that, I can’t remember it, Red Fish or something. This movie has a lot of Red Fish in it. Eli Roth loves the color red. Then, at one point in the movie, a couple of characters start speaking Russian. I don’t know what that was about.

This woman is not wearing underwear.

I really enjoyed the movie though. My children did not like it at all, not one bit. I should not have taken them to see Thanksgiving. Even when we were going into the theater people were like “Are you sure that you should be taking your kids to see Thanksgiving.” But I was like “Isn’t Thanksgiving a holiday for families? I don’t get what you are talking about.” Even the person selling us popcorn was like “You shouldn’t take your kids to see this movie,” and I was yelling, “Don’t you tell me how to raise my kids. Don’t you talk to me about movies, Popcorn Man, I have my own movie blog. I know what I’m doing.” Their popcorn tasted like pee anyway.

Thanksgiving is a good movie. You should see it. Especially if you are like Eli Roth and like the color red. But do not take your children. The movie is rated R for Red.

Movie Review – “Sawx”

John Kramer and the Saw Squad take their show on the road to Mexico in “Sawx: Jigsaw Goes Bananas.”

Sawx is the latest movie in the very long franchise of Saw movies. There are a lot of movies in this never-ending tale of a man who is dying of cancer. All 18 of these movies (except for Sprial: Chris Rocks the Saw) take place in the last few months/days/years/whatever of Jon “Jigsaw” Kramer as he tries to help people by putting them in deadly traps and saying “Hey, if you die that’s all your fault, I’m just tryin’ to maim you.”

Jigsaw and the young Lady Jigsaw take a trip to Mexico

In Sawx, John Kramer and the Saw Squad take a trip to Mexico to go on an adventure. This is the Herbie Goes Bananas part of the franchise – they even get a little kid that helps them too. John is there to get a new cancer treatment from a shady group of doctors. They are going to give him “some surgery and a cutting-edge cocktail of drugs.” They say that a lot too – “a cutting-edge cocktail of drugs.” They have to hide out in the desert because Big Pharma is after them. They have guns and things to fight against the soldiers of Big Pharma. Yes, the Pfizer Footsoliders and Elite Legions of Eli Lily are a real thing, but we don’t really get to see them in this movie.

But like the American medical industry, these people don’t do anything but steal a lot of money from John. John doesn’t like that so he assembles his crew, calling up Detective Jigsaw from Saws 4-6, and Lady Jigsaw, Amanda from all the movies. Lady Jigsaw and John capture all the people from this fake medical group and they, well, they do the Saw thing.

Doin the Saw thing

Nobody needed this movie. It is all the same as the other Saw movies. “Let’s play a game” and then lots of blood. The universe of the Saw movies is a long and complicated web with the most confusing timeframe – not as confusing as the Legend of Zelda timeline but pretty close. Sawx just fits snugly in between some of those movies, not totally sure where though. It doesn’t talk about things that happen in the other movies, so this doesn’t do anything for the vast web of Saw movies connecting to each other. Sawx just exists and it’s there. John and the Saw Squad are there but they don’t even say things like “Hey, you remember the time you chained those guys up in a basement?” or anything like that.

The 100-year old cancer man: Jigsaw (aka John Kramer)

Tobin Bell is very very old. In his 80s, and he’s been doing Saw movies all of his life. In this movie, I truly believe that this old man is dying of cancer. He is so old, so feeble. What will they do when this fragile old man dies for real? Will they keep doin’ the Saw thing with another old actor? Will frail, elderly Ellen Burstyn take over?

Sawx is a movie but a totally pointless one. I give it 12 out of 42 stars – mostly because the gory stuff looks neat. Kontributor OUT!